I have two daughters. My oldest is 11, but will be 12 next May. She's in 6th grade. My youngest will be 9 in February. I know the time is approaching to have that 'talk' with my 11 yr. old, whom I will call M here in this post. In school they have already made some things aware to them. As a parent I must also do my part in educating my girls, one at a time.
M is 11, but she looks older, as a lot of girls her age do sometimes. This is so weird for me, because yes she is 11 and certainly still acts like a little girl should. I mean that she plays and just is very much a child still. And here I am thinking that the time is closing in to have that 'talk' with her. I have heard about some of the things kids are doing at her age or even at age 12 or 13 and it's really too bad.
But anyway my question is, do you just talk, and/or do you use any kind of visual aids? For those of you that have already done this or are planning on it - what topics do you all cover? How indepth do you go?
I want to have this 'talk' with M when she turns 12 in May. I feel she needs to know about the issues before she's approached with them, and doesn't know how to handle them because she's not educated enough.
Am I the only Mom that feels that she is so young still to know about such details? As I type this, she is upstairs playing with Barbie dolls. Nevertheless, M is maturing though. And she tells me of other girls at her school that do inappropriate things.
Another thing, I have told M not to mention any of the 'talk' we're going to have to her younger sister, whom I will just call L here in this post. L is just waaaaaaay to young right now.
I am thankful that I talked with my oldest about this issue. Recently, they watched "The movie" and I was glad that I could tell her in my own way first.
I approached the issue thinking that if I waited, she was going to be educated in some way. Either through friends who didn't have a clue what they were talking about OR through first hand experience. I told her the science of what was happening to her body, what was coming up, and that the boys were going through different changes but changes none the less.
She asked questions which I answered honestly. All in all, it wasn't the huge deal I thought it would be. She took it all in stride. Good luck
I have had to have this talk already with my daughter and she just turned 10.
This talk came along after some children at school were telling her things.. I had a long talk with her then my husband and I sat down together and explained things to her together.
I know some people say dad should talk to boys and moms to girls, and that is what we did.. AND then decided to talk to her together.. I think that helped her better understand some things.. I am thinking about picking up the book artbuggy was talking about.. So that we can go through it with her again if questions arise.
Now she isn't as developed as alot of the girls in her class, and she notices that.. but she is ok with it.. and understands everyone developes in their own way and time..
i just wanted to add that my mom and I had the talk when i was 9...sounds young but i can remember being curious about things then.....
but "the talk" as it is called (IMO) should not be just a one time thing...it should be a "talk" that can happen freely at anytime, that way the lines of comunitcation are always open. i would add that in when you talk to her. and i think she is plenty old enough for the talk.
well 12 is a good age, but if you feel she is ready now then go ahead....if all comes down to her maturity level and what you think she is ready to know...i am sure there are sites on the web you could look at too in order to help you with this disscussion...
I am not a parent yet, but i am 21, and im writing in reguards to what I recall of my parents sitting down and talking to me about the birds and the bees. I recall my dad sitting down and having the talk with my brother and i (im female) he brought out a book so we understood my brother and I had different parts. I was about 8 my brother 9. I really dont remember much else of what was said. I know once I hit highschool they really start pumping that stuff into your head about what sex can result in.
I have a 13yr old sister and she is well aware of the fact that sex can equal babies so it all depends I guess. I remember my dad trying to sit down w/her and her attitude was she already knew all about it!? Your kids may surprise you and know more then you think.
So I think your picking a good age to do the talk, any earlier and they may not remember much. I didnt. But we are all different. Good luck!
Yeah I do agree with what you said DreamOn. I really believe it depends on your childs maturity level too. Like your sister DreamOn, when my Mom did sit down with me, I already knew most of everything she told me.
I hope my daughter doesn't surprise me, you just never know about everything I guess. If I know her like I think I do, she won't know too heck of a lot. At least that's what I'm hoping for - I'd rather have her learn about these things through me rather than some other kid at school.
Chances are your daughter has a vague idea what sex is. If I were you I would kill two birds with one stone and talk to both of your girls at once. I think my mother was lucky when she talked to me and my sister about sex, in our family it is the family raises the child not just the parents so when me and my sister had the talk it was with all generations of women in the family. The talk wasn't just about sex it was about relationships, guys, and even maturing as a women. So we got perpective from all age groups from the traditional to liberal. Which I find was great because it not only open up lines of future communication with my mom but also with other women in my family. But that is just works for us.
I sure you will do fine. Just keep in mind that you are raising an adult not a child. If you censor yourself on the topic it will do her more harm then good. Education is power and the more she knows the better the chance she won't make a bad decision to early in life. Good Luck.
Calamity04...you are so right to also talk about relationships and guys, also on how you mature too. I was so focused on talking to my daughter about her body and how babies are made that I didn't even think to extend it out further. Wow, you really have some family to do that for you, that's great.
I have 18 teenagers! Ranging from just 14 to 17. I work at a teen parent program at a high school. They are my kids. It is a classroom basically dedicated as a day care so the girls keep going to school. Its really sad to see a 14 year olf freshman girl come in to drop off her new born baby! I talk to these girls quite a bit, most have agreed that when they did have sex if they wanted to go on the pill or get condoms they were scared to talk to their mom. So in your "Talk" I would make it real, real clear they can come to you for ANYTHING, even if they think they will get into trouble. They will do what they do, and learning of girls as young as I think I heard 9 having oral sex on school busses, Im with the last post talk to both! It may also take some tension off so she doesnt feel isolated. But personally, id have the talk with both of htem and make it very very clear that you are their mom and their friend they can tell you anything about boys and relationships without getting in trouble for looking to you for help!!!!! I watch 21 babies all day and their parents are not old enough to vote!
By 11 your daughter already has a lot of info about sex. Of course a lot of it is probably not accurate but it is a topic all kids that age discuss with their friends. This is the age that the you can't get pregnant your first time rumors start floating around.
In general the earlier you start discussing these things the better. My mother talked to my brother and I when we were very young probably first or second grade. Nothing graphic just a general understanding of where babies come from. As we aged she would bring up the subject every now and then to gauge what we knew and answer any questions we had. I was definately well informed by the time puberty hit. Which was great because as a young girl getting your period for the first time is stressful enough without having to secretly worry if all the "sex information" your friends had told you was true.
Yeah, she will have a vague but naive idea about what sex is. And even in j.h. or h.s. health class will go into sex ed but you have other things to bring to the table that she won't get in the sex ed class. Like your experiences in relationships, guys, sex, and getting older as a women. I recommend you have a mothor/daughter day where you are making cookies or watching movies and having pizza, just something where you can spend time with your girls. A casual enviroment that opens the door for future conversations. And even if the talk is not aimed at your 9 y/o doesn't mean she is too young and can't benefit from it. Because soon she will be hearing the puberty talk from school (I think it is 3rd or 4th grade they do that) and will be just as curious.