my 12 yr old came back from her dads and he thought money was missing pretty much as soon as i asked her she told me the truth which was a good thing! she stole almost $30 and her dad is livid! to be honest im upset but expected this having 4 kids entering the teen yrs! im not saying im proud by any means but i did this when i was a kid so did dh and everyone else i know and thats whats making this so hard. her dad is disgusted with her ( btw she lives with me and stepdad and always has) he says she knows whenever she needs something to just ask and she gets it and same with us. she said she wanted the money to buy junk at the store and such. Her punishment so far is being grounded which does nothing and her dad said she isnt going on a planned field trip with her class which would involve a 7 hr flight and a good time! i just dont think its enough and my main point of punishment is to prevent this ever happening again.anyone else?
Hope she has given the money back...if not that is #1...along with an apology, verbal and written.
#2 she must earn -on her own- $60 total $30 at your house and $30 at her dad's....painfully, I am sure, at 12. For instance, 50cents for cleaning the bathroom, 50 cents for cleaning up the kitchen after meals. I would make sure it took her a long time to earn this $60. Be sure to keep track of this somewhere she can see it....on her bedroom door. Then, she must take this money and donate it to a children's charity. The choice should be her's - make her go to the library and research charities in your area.
#3 no trip
#4 no outside activites
#5 when she has finished the punishment, she must write about what she learned...
Probably an attention getting lark, but it would be an excellent time to reel her in.
I agree with you Haley that a lot of kids have done and will do this kind of thing. But it needs to be stoped! I think some kids try it once or twice and then they find the thrill os gone. And then other kids get addicted to thrill and "easy cash" and it could follow them into their adult years nad cause horrible problems.
I think her dad needs to get over it. He needs to punish her as well, but the punishment need to be the same at both houses. I do not think she should be punished twice for the same thing just because she has two families.
I think that Lilly had some really good ideas for punishing her. Stealing is a very big thing and should not be taken lightly. But while she is grounded I do not think she should feel like she is in trouble and her parents "hate" her the entire time. Talk with her dad and come to an agreement on the punishment and then you both stick to 100 %. But let him know that this is just 1 of many times your daughter is going to "let you all down" and that everyone makes mistakes. She is only human and he should lighten up on the "mental punishment".
The reason I used the word "hate" above is because when I was younger and would get grounded, both of my parents would talk hateful to me and make me feel like an outcast of the family until I was un-grounded. They treated both of my brothers the same way. Even if at dinner something funny was said and I would giggle both of my parents would shoot me a spine tingleing glare. Like I was in trouble and should not enjoy ANYTHING until I had "served my time". It was horrible. You would think I would quite doing things to get grounded......
Good luck and keep us posted.!
......and that's all I have to say about that.......
lol kim about the glaring thing! i know what u mean and things are kind of back to normal although things have been taken away and she still isnt going on her trip. her dad was mad at her mainly not just because of the stealing but because she knows she just has to ask. i do think she has learnt a lot from this not to say she wont ever do it again or be tempted but time will only tell. people have told her dad the trip thing was too severe and i thought that at first too but prob only because i wasnt the one that was stolen from, but he said something that made sense. This is her first major bad thing she has done and needs to see from this example what could happen next time she did something major like this. As of now she refuses to talk to her dad because im thinking she is very embarrassed and has written a letter to her stepmom as it was her money she took, saying she was sorry and such and she is going to give that to her as well as the money. ahhhhh my parents said they couldnt wait for me to have kids lol!
My 7 year old stole a $5 bill from her grandmothers purse. I know it is not as much as $30 but it is the same principle. She also admitted to it but I was furious. My husband is in the Navy and we have a friend who is a military police officer and we had him come over that night and he did a wonderful job. He took her to her room and "interrogated" her. She admitted again to stealing the $5 but said she never stole anything else, she promised. He then tore her room apart and found candy wrappers hidden in her toy box and under her bed. He then took her outside, handcuffed her and sat her down on the ground and explained what happens to people who steal and lie. She cried so hard I thought she was going to hyperventilate. He started out in the beginning yelling like a drill sargeant during the "interrogation" but when he had her handcuffed he was so sweet and so calm and she really saw the consequence of what she did. She apologized to us in a way she had never done before. Usually she apologizes so she can be done with being in trouble but this time she really meant it. My daughter is almost 10 and has never again stolen anything!!!! I know it sounds harsh, but I don't want my child to grow up a convict and a problem such as this needs to be dealt with harshly. She did not get grounded, as the police "interrogation" and handcuffs were enough, but she was made to apologize and return the money to her grandmother.
Last edited by SpeisFamily; 11-05-2004 at 09:07 AM.
Stealing is stealing, doesn't matter how much or what it is. That is something judge judy always says that sticks with me...it doesn't matter if it's a candy bar or a car, it is still taking something that belongs to someone else.
I think that what her dad said was true, like dr phill says her whole world needs to come crashing down on her...if you say well it was the first time she did it and don't punish hard enough there will be no real deterent for her not to do it again. I went through a stealing phase when i was younger, i would go to my grandmothers and she'd have change and money laying around so i'd take some here and there (not that i needed to my grandfather would give me spending money whenever i was there, i spent alot of time with them), when i got older i'd start taking makeup and things like that, well, one day she was in my room...she noticed her makeup there, she had expensive makeup that i wouldn't have had hte money to buy, she embarrised me so bad that i never thought about doing it again, we went out to dinner with her friends and she mentioned it to them, not a big deal, but she mentioned it, i was horrified, needless to say i never did it again. I also got caught shoplifting when i was 14, my first and only time i got caught, i got taken home in a police car, well, i never did that again either. My now 10 year old son went into a pizza place (by his school busstop) last year when he was 9, he went in there told the woman behind the counter that we don't feed him and asked for a slice of pizza. Well, later that night his step dad went in to get something, Adrian (my son) had to go to the washroom, the woman behind the counter told his step dad that he had been in there earlier and told him the story. We made my son go back in an appolgise, and promise to never go into the pizza place again without me or his dad. The woman didn't see the big deal, but as far as i was concerned he stole, he told a lie to get what he wanted for free, that is stealing. He was so embarrised at having to go and appologise that he never did anything like that agian.
When it comes to things like that, illegal things, things that cause her to be untrustworthy etc need to be delt with in a way that makes her not only understand how wrong it is but make her not want to do it again.