myladyshyanne

His dad lives about 20 miles away. So, he should be able to go to the docs- but I'm not sure if they will take him. Him and I talk, were friendly, but he has never been active really in any medical part of our sons life. When my son goes to his house, they don't make sure he gets his meds. He's supposed to patch his eye four hours a day-but they don't make him. I think part of their reasoning on the eye patch-is to avoid a conflict/blow up.

They say that his meds help him (not enough though), but I know for a fact that they don't always give them to him- and he will usually come home in a fury- and scream that """it's not my fault I'm mad, it's because my "frickin" dad won't give me my "frickin" medicine""""(his words).

My sons dad hate's to admit that our son has any problems also. When our son was diagnosed as legally blind-by three optomotrists and an eye specialist- he refused to let him wear his glasses, because he said our son could see fine. He lets him wear them now, but the first year or so he wouldn't.

His dad has 3 other kids at his house-and one more on the way. And they live in a trailer smaller than our house. Our house is only 1200 sq feet. So, they don't really have the room.

I mainly said that to my son out of frusteration-about living with his dad. I know it wouldn't be a good thing for him. And I should have never said that to him.....I feel like such a a$$. But he has me so wore down. I don't know what else to do. I keep trying to blame myself. I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe, it is me. Maybe, if he lives somewhere else, he would be happier. I know he must be fighting some pretty awful demons inside, to behave like he does. And I'm trying to keep his mental state in the back of my mind to reference to when he has an outburst. But I still think he needs to realize what he's doing. It's sad though. He was talking to the doctor yesterday.... and he told the doctor that he doesn't always remember whats happened(outburst)- what he does. That gives me another thing to keep in mind. But I just wish I knew how to control his outbursts.

Also, to get it off my chest.....He also flung his shoe at our antique hutch (heirloom)....which has a beveled glass mirror- which would be hard to replace if it was broke. And Sunday he had a violent blow up also, because I asked him to come over by me so I could get his eye patch on him. Every morning he has a screaming fit-telling me no, and to shut up. Telling me I'm stupid and to leave him alone- because he has to get dressed, and again when he has to get socks and shoes on.By breakfast, he's throwing things. When he has to get his glasses on- he slams them on the counter. He screams and yells all the way to the sink when its time for his pill. Then Then stomps and kicks when he has to get a coat or sweater....and often times refuses to wear it-and shoves it in his bag. Then mumbles and rants that he has to put his "stupid lunch pail in his dumb ugly bag. And where's his "frickin" homework." Mornings at our house come straight from a stephen king novel. By the time he's on the bus-the whole house is awake.

Well, I better get to bed. 5:30 comes too early. I might try to get hubby to take a vacation day tommorrow- so I can take a much needed breather. Thanks for listening,
ladyshy