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Old 11-03-2004, 04:45 PM   #1
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Unhappy I just need a shoulder right now....update

My son had his intake visit yesterday at the new mental health place. I just don't know what to do anymore. I know it sounds absolutely horrible, but tonight I told him he was going to move to his dads. I just can't take anymore. The screaming and yelling I get from him is just too much. The constant defiance. He refuses to do his homework. Last Friday, he threw himself down on the floor and refused to go to school. I told him he could walk to the bus, or I could carry him. He still refused. So I reached down to pick him up, and he kicked me several times (with shoes on) in the stomach. I got him picked up, and he began punching me in the head. Then he grabbed the door on the way out. Between that and the punches, I ended up dropping his bag.

Tonight he refused to do his homework. I asked several times. He had a hockey puck, a camera, and a brass basket he kept fooling around with instead. So, I told him he had until I got to the table to start doing his work, or I would take them away for good. Needless to say, when I got by the table- he threw them at me. So I threw them away. He got mad and threw his hard cover english book, and started slamming the chairs- trying to break them. I told him he needed to go to his room- he refused. He plopped down on the floor between two chairs and started screaming names at me-telling me he wasn't going to his room. I tried to reach over to pick him up-and he started screaming at me more. Telling me he hated me and he was going to kill himself. He still had a pencil in his hand- so I tried to get it. He grabbed at it with his opposite hand, and ended up sticking himself in the hand with it. And he screamed that I stabbed him with it. I didn't even have a hold of the pencil! I told him he would not get supper until the work was done- so, he went to bed without supper. I offered to let him come out and get the work done and eat- but he screamed "No, I'm just going to go to school and tell everyone you don't care about me!!!!" That bugs me. I try so hard to be a good parent, and now- because I want him educated- he's going to try to make me out to be the bad guy.

Tommorrow I am considering having him committed, or demanding that the doctors work a little harder and faster to try to figure something out. My other kids have to see all this. Friday all I heard from my daughter was about how her brother hit mommy in the head. I just can't take it anymore. I think I'm losing my mind.


thanks,
ladyshy

 
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Old 11-03-2004, 05:35 PM   #2
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Ksavage HB User
Re: I just need a shoulder right now....update

Ohhhh Lady,

I feel so bad for you right now. I can't imagine how you are feeling. Just please remember that you are a great Mom and you are doing the best you can. Your son is having a horible time right now and you desperatly need those damn Doctors to listen to you and give you some help. Not just for youe son, but for your entire family. It is not fair to have to gone on like this until someone gets hurt.

I will say a prayer for you and your family tonight and please know that we are here for you and we will listen. My shoulder is just a key-stroke away. I wish there was for me to do or say.

I think it just might be a good idea for you to make some phone calls in the morning and see exactly what can be done. If you truely feel that he should be commited and observed by professionals than please do that for him. I can not even imagine having to make that phone call about my daughter. It is just heart wrenching. But I also could not imagine my daughter having to witness someone abusing me thee way you are being abused. He really needs some help.

Do you have a good realationship with his father? Would it be possible for the 2 of you to sit down and figure out what to do?

How far away does his father live? If he was to go live with him, would he still be able to go to his Doctors?

Is there other children that live in the same house with his father?

Ohhhhhh GOSH......don't even bother trtying to answers these questions right now. You have enough to worry about. If you need to vent I will check in on you for the rest of the evening.


((((((((((lady))))))))))

There's the best hug I can give you!

Kim
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......and that's all I have to say about that.......

 
Old 11-03-2004, 08:40 PM   #3
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Re: I just need a shoulder right now....update

His dad lives about 20 miles away. So, he should be able to go to the docs- but I'm not sure if they will take him. Him and I talk, were friendly, but he has never been active really in any medical part of our sons life. When my son goes to his house, they don't make sure he gets his meds. He's supposed to patch his eye four hours a day-but they don't make him. I think part of their reasoning on the eye patch-is to avoid a conflict/blow up.

They say that his meds help him (not enough though), but I know for a fact that they don't always give them to him- and he will usually come home in a fury- and scream that """it's not my fault I'm mad, it's because my "frickin" dad won't give me my "frickin" medicine""""(his words).

My sons dad hate's to admit that our son has any problems also. When our son was diagnosed as legally blind-by three optomotrists and an eye specialist- he refused to let him wear his glasses, because he said our son could see fine. He lets him wear them now, but the first year or so he wouldn't.

His dad has 3 other kids at his house-and one more on the way. And they live in a trailer smaller than our house. Our house is only 1200 sq feet. So, they don't really have the room.

I mainly said that to my son out of frusteration-about living with his dad. I know it wouldn't be a good thing for him. And I should have never said that to him.....I feel like such a a$$. But he has me so wore down. I don't know what else to do. I keep trying to blame myself. I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe, it is me. Maybe, if he lives somewhere else, he would be happier. I know he must be fighting some pretty awful demons inside, to behave like he does. And I'm trying to keep his mental state in the back of my mind to reference to when he has an outburst. But I still think he needs to realize what he's doing. It's sad though. He was talking to the doctor yesterday.... and he told the doctor that he doesn't always remember whats happened(outburst)- what he does. That gives me another thing to keep in mind. But I just wish I knew how to control his outbursts.

Also, to get it off my chest.....He also flung his shoe at our antique hutch (heirloom)....which has a beveled glass mirror- which would be hard to replace if it was broke. And Sunday he had a violent blow up also, because I asked him to come over by me so I could get his eye patch on him. Every morning he has a screaming fit-telling me no, and to shut up. Telling me I'm stupid and to leave him alone- because he has to get dressed, and again when he has to get socks and shoes on.By breakfast, he's throwing things. When he has to get his glasses on- he slams them on the counter. He screams and yells all the way to the sink when its time for his pill. Then Then stomps and kicks when he has to get a coat or sweater....and often times refuses to wear it-and shoves it in his bag. Then mumbles and rants that he has to put his "stupid lunch pail in his dumb ugly bag. And where's his "frickin" homework." Mornings at our house come straight from a stephen king novel. By the time he's on the bus-the whole house is awake.

Well, I better get to bed. 5:30 comes too early. I might try to get hubby to take a vacation day tommorrow- so I can take a much needed breather. Thanks for listening,
ladyshy

 
Old 11-04-2004, 06:41 AM   #4
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Re: I just need a shoulder right now....update

I can sooo relate to what you are going through as I went through this and am still going through this(but it is better) with my now 17 year old son.What is he on meds for exactly?What has he been Dxed with so far?i think you are right about placing him into a mental health facility.We were getting no where with my son(he was having anger explosions like your son and was also changing from this funloving caring kid with a really great sense of humor, to a cold uncaring and very angry boy)Is your son taking any SSRIs at all? SSRIs and my son did NOT mix,and was actually responsible for causing what is called bi polarIII.he was mildly depressed before we started the SSRIs but slowly over about a years time, he changed into this child from hell that i did not know anymore.It was heartwrenching to watch this deterioration of his normal self.I am sure you can relate to this.my heart goes out to you.You have to get him placed into a mental health facility to get him properly Dxed.just make sure it is one that really cares enough to get to the root of his problems.It will be hard but this i feel is his best chance at finding out just what is causing this.it really does sound like some sort of manic behavior.I see so much in your son that I saw in mine.I am here for you if you ned to vent.Hang in there.marcia

 
Old 11-04-2004, 08:21 AM   #5
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Ksavage HB User
Re: I just need a shoulder right now....update

Hi Lady!

I was just thinking about and thought I would check in on you to see how things are going.

Have you been able to make any phone calls this morning? Hopefully you will be able to find some help.

Well, it sounds as if your home is the best place for your son to be if you are not able to place him in a medical setting for treatment. He needs to be with you since you are not in denile about this whole mess. Just hang in there and keep your chin up (as much as possible). And please try not to blame this on your parenting skills. This is a mental issue that needs to be treated. Now if the other children were the crap out of you....I would wonder! Just hang in there and know we are here for you.

Was your husband able to get a day off of work today? I sure hope so. You need a break and a little time for yourself. & If not, maybe one day next week it will work out.

Hang in there & keep us posted.

Kim
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......and that's all I have to say about that.......

 
Old 11-05-2004, 04:15 AM   #6
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Re: I just need a shoulder right now....update

He was diagnosed with ADHD- they said the reason he has the explosions is because of his "impulses" from the ADHD. He is currently on Strattera and concerta. He's also been on remeron in the past.

I called the new mental health facility, but they refused to let him see the psyciatrist. They said his therapist (which he doesn't see until next week) has to refer him to her. I explained that he already has been refered to see a psycologist-and that we just switched m.health facilities....and that he really needed to see one. They wouldn't budge. We have to wait.

Last night at confrences, I discussed options with teachers and the school counselor. We are going to try a BIP. When I left the confrence with the math teacher, I told her I wasn't going to complain- things can always get worse. And I knew they would. Left the school and stopped by my moms on the way home (had been having a hard time getting ahold of her lately). Went to leave- and the car wouldn't start. We aren't sure whats wrong with it. My husbands truck took a crap the other day-brakes went out of it. SOOOO.....husband has my van today. I have a job interview at 1 pm- still don't know how I'm going to get there. And my son has been ornary this morning. Refused to eat breakfast. Threw a fit because he didn't want to wear the jeans I laid out for him- and his others were dirty because he will not pick them up and put them in the bathroom or laundry room to get washed. Did something with his homework papers-which still aren't finish- and one is now missing. Did something with his shoes- He only can find one. I told the bus driver I would have to drive him to school. After she left, I realized I had a real problem- I have no way to get him to school. I'm going to call around and see if I can get someone to help. I feel like making him ride the bata bus. What a wonderful morning. I figured I better come in and pluck away at the keyboard so I don't blow up.

Will type later.

ladyshy

 
Old 11-05-2004, 05:41 AM   #7
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Re: I just need a shoulder right now....update

You certainly having a tough time...
It really sounds like there is more going on here than adhd. Yes adhd affects impulse control, but these rages seem to be on the extreme side...
I am sorry they are giving you a hard time about seeing the psychiatrist, I think he really needs to get in there pronto. How long has he been on the meds for adhd? If there is something else going on here, the medication he is currently on may be making things worse. Can you call the therapist and explain what is going on and see if she can either see you sooner or give you the referral now? I would also recommend you trying to video tape him in one of these rages, I know easier said than done, but maybe they're not really getting how serious his behavior is. I feel so bad for you and will be thinking of you! Please let us know how things are going.

 
Old 11-05-2004, 05:58 AM   #8
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Re: I just need a shoulder right now....update

Just a thought on what might speed things along a little better for you.After my sons last over the top anger explosion from hell,we ended up with the police involved as my son(with no permit or license)decided to steal my car and drive throughout the city while I was at home going insane.My one and only option at that time was to call the police so they were aware of the situation and could also find him before something tragic happend.It was also the first time in over four years that my son absolutley refused to take his meds.Which under normal cicumstances would not have been a really huge deal,except for my son, the meds in question were not only his anti D's but also his anti rejection meds that keep him from rejecting his transplanted liver.I was scared to death.well, after he decided to return home,and we also had a scene out of like a cops episode in the middle of our livingroom,he was transported to the very best hospital in our area for treating adolecent mental health issues.This truely was the turning point.When your son is in one of the worst explosions, call the police and tell them that you have an out of control son with mental health issues.when the cops get there, tell them what he has been like.they will most likely put at the minimum,a 72 hour hold in a mental health facility so he can be evaluated.Once the 72 hours are up, they will make a decision on whether to let him go or keep him there.Tell them that you definitely want him to stay until they can find the problems and start proper treatments.i do believe that this is really your best option right now.Once you get the police invoved, it becomes more of a crisis situation and they must act.Espescially if you tell them that you are afraid for your well being and also worried that he might hurt himself as well.They cannot leave him in your home with these types of issues going on.I know this will not be an easy thing for you to do, but you need to get him into the system to start the ball rolling here(you are obviously getting NO help from the docs on this) and hopefully be able to come up with a treatment plan that best suits his needs.i was just recently reading an article about the strong correlation between ADHD and bi polar.your son sounds sooo very much like mine and my son was Dxed with having bi polar III.we have absolutely NO family Hx of any type of mental health issues except for some rather mild to moderate depression,which makes this Dx in him even more bizarre.Please give my suggestion a try if you feel you are up to the task.he really does need that placement badly.there is no way to get him on the right track here without them knowing the exact cause/causes of his behavior.Good luck,and hang in there,Marcia

 
Old 11-06-2004, 10:35 AM   #9
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Re: I just need a shoulder right now....update

ok ladyshy---
i am just going to sound plain ol' mean here but i would commit him, i have a young DD and if she EVER acts like this when she gets older i would do the same "for" her (not "to" her but "for" her)

this is soooo much more than adhd...sounds more like it could be early onset of manic depression and maybe bi-polar dissorder....and definatly anger managment issues...

he has threated to kill himself....if he follows through with that you are going to wish you had commited him....

he is a threat to himself and anyone around him...he could end up seriously hurting himself, you or other syblings...

if you dont commit him i would not let him go to his dads....if they can not give him his meds and patch then they are endandering his health and i believe any judge would agree with that....

he needs one on one professional help daily, not weekly....the meds he on is not working (IMO) because they are not treating what is really wrong with him, he probably does have adhd but there is definatly something else in there troubling him.

if you are telling his theripist this and she blows it off then he needs a new theripist....i am by no means a professional here but even i can CLEARLY see this is more than adhd and he needs more help than what he is getting from them.

let me know what you decide and good luck to you.
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Last edited by Chrissi; 11-06-2004 at 10:37 AM.

 
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