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Old 11-16-2004, 07:06 AM   #1
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Opinion on grandmother spoiling?

Ok here's the story. My mother has bought sooo much stuff for our DD for xmas. She will only be 11 months and xmas and I think she has bought way too much. She has bought her a snowsuit(she has one), boots,(has plenty) hats (has), mitts(has), leap frog book, lots of the books to go with the leap frog, toys, clothes, and a few other odds and ends, it's not even December yet so I can only imagine how much more she is going to buy. DH and I don't want her to grow up a spoiled brat :P.

Don't get me wrong we bought her lot's for xmas too, books, toys, clothes and whatnot, but we are her parents. And her B-day is not even a month later.

I asked my Mother to not buy her anymore and she could give her some of the stuff for her B-day. She says that it is her granddaughter and she will spoil her as she sees fit. I really think that by the time xmas is her that Grandma will have boughten her more then Mommy and Daddy. And then all over again for her Birthday.

So am I over reacting? Should I let my mother spoil her rotten? I really think it is way too much for a 11 month old especially. I don't want to end up with a teenager who expects everything <sigh>.

 
Old 11-16-2004, 08:54 AM   #2
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Re: Opinion on grandmother spoiling?

I think as long as you can instill good values, your child should be fine. And as long as you teach your child to treat grandma with respect and not think of her as someone who'll always give her whatever she wants. If grandma wants to spoil her, fine; however, if she's duplicating things -- snowsuits, etc. you may want to guide her into getting a different size for next year, or try to return it or exchange it.

My parents went overboard, last year -- think there were 9 packages for ds, who was 6 months old at the time -- but there weren't any duplicates. And most of the gifts were little -- books, smaller toys. I tell my parents it's too much, that they've spent too much... DH and I have decided we're not going to change the way we do things -- we'll just pick out one toy and then santa fills his sock with candy, socks and some little things.

 
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Old 11-16-2004, 05:44 PM   #3
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Re: Opinion on grandmother spoiling?

The thing with the snowsuit is that she bought her a name brand one. DH and I are not into name brands at all, and hope our DD will not be either,but she wants the ''best'' for her granddaughter. It drives DH crazy that she buys all these things knowing that's not how we want to raise her. I really don't know weither to just let Grandma spoil her or is it worth starting an agruement over?

 
Old 11-16-2004, 05:55 PM   #4
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Re: Opinion on grandmother spoiling?

Let her! That's about all I can say. If it continues until her 5th birthday, and they are truly items that she doesn't really need, then talk to her about putting the present money into a college fund.

Sounds like a first grandbaby!

 
Old 11-16-2004, 06:05 PM   #5
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Re: Opinion on grandmother spoiling?

I have a few opinions on this....First of all...I never had a grandparent so the gift she's giving are special, maybe you could save a few things for when she's older because g'ma will not be around forever. You could also take a few things to a shelter for someone who is not as well off. It doesn't matter who buys her more, that's just crazy. It being name brand is ok because usually they are better made. Second..I can not afford to buy my children anything this year so consider yourself fortunate and not focus on the whole material factor because in the blink of an eye it can all be taken from you. Your daughter will not know at 11 months old what she has recieved. You can't really stop a grandma, my mother buys my children who are 4,3,3 all kinds of things through out the year. Just smile and accept it and when they are not looking give it to someone who could really use it. Me and my children have gone through their room and put in bags old toys and they know where they are going, to children who do not have anything. Have a great holiday, besides the gifts.

 
Old 11-16-2004, 09:19 PM   #6
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Re: Opinion on grandmother spoiling?

The too many clothes is actually sweet. Its just your mom being a mom, just because she is grandma doesn't mean she is going to snap out of maternal mode. I mean were the clothes she bought the right size or were the slighty bigger because if they are bigger then she is just thinking ahead which saves you money. I don't think she is spoiling I think it is just buy things for her grandchild for the future that she can give as a gift. My grandmotehr does it all the time with other family members. If a kid in the family has a birthday coming up she with go over board not to just make the kid happy because she mostly buys clothes for them but its her way of buy the childs needs in the form of a gift so the parents cant complain. If she is mostly buy toys then you should be concern with spoiling or her playing favorite grandparent if its mostly clothes and educational things its out of concern of the childs needs.

 
Old 11-17-2004, 03:32 AM   #7
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Re: Opinion on grandmother spoiling?

From day 1 my son's grandparents have always been able to provide much more than we can. And personally I am grateful for it. I would count your blessings. I buy almost everything for my son at Goodwill or Target. I think it's really nice when he gets something "name brand" from the Grandparents. I agree that I don't want my child growing up to expect that name brand is the norm (as I don't know what our financial situation will be over the years) But at this age, they have no idea. Grandparents love to spoil. I think they remember what it was like to be young with kids and always wished they could do more. Now that they are older they can do more and it brings them great joy. It doesn't sound like they're going too crazy, but if they buy your daughter a new car by age 2 you may need to have a talk!

 
Old 11-17-2004, 05:42 AM   #8
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Re: Opinion on grandmother spoiling?

Thanks for the opinions, I guess I'll just let it go for now. And it's not the fact that she is buying here more then us, it's just that I feel we have boughten her too much already and she has gotten her even more. Our financial situation is not great at all and I buy most of her clothes at second hand shops and whatnot also. I always give everything she doesn't need either to friends in need or good will. Im not a materal person whatsoever. My Mother on the otherhand has just about everything she has ever bought or has been given in her entire life. I do not want my child to grow up to measure quality of life by materal things. We do not buy or advertise for brand name companies who use child/slave labour. If we are given any brand name clothes I always take the labels off them as not to advertize but also not to waste perfectly good clothes. My mother knows we feel this way but continues to buy these things.

When my DD was first born she was premature and weighed only 4 pounds. My Mother had bought her 15 premee outfits. When I told her to take some of them back she refused, so I took all but 3 of them up to the NICU still with the tags on, they were very greatful. I thought that would get the point across, but I guess not because she has continued to do this to this day. She cannot afford to do this either.

I guess i'll just grit my teeth though the holiday season.

Last edited by worried_mommy; 11-17-2004 at 05:43 AM.

 
Old 11-17-2004, 06:40 AM   #9
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Re: Opinion on grandmother spoiling?

DS was 8 months old when we got him baptised and I had a HECK of a time finding an outfit for him. It was after Xmas, so there weren't any cute little suits -- the summer stuff was coming out. Anyway, my mom called from a major department store and described about 4 different outfits she had found that might work and when she arrived she not only had those outfits, but 6 other sweater/pants sets. I told her because it was the end of the season, there was no way DS was ever going to wear all those things. I tend to buy things on clearance and before DS was born Id bought tons of winter stuff. So mom had me pick out which outfits hed wear -- some were too preppy and we joked the other babies at school would beat him up for being a sissy and she returned the rest. Anyway, my mom tends buy things when she sees them and then shes soooo excited about giving, she cant wait until the holidays.

On the other hand, my MIL is so self involved that she always says -- I was too busy to shop or youre too difficult to shop for, so well have to go shopping together and find something. Ive gone 6 years without a b-day present, DH has gone 3 years and we have yet to receive a baptism gift for DS

 
Old 11-17-2004, 08:55 AM   #10
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Re: Opinion on grandmother spoiling?

Quote:
Originally Posted by worried_mommy
My Mother on the otherhand has just about everything she has ever bought or has been given in her entire life. I do not want my child to grow up to measure quality of life by materal things. .
With a good up bringing by you, she probably wont!!
__________________
"Go slowly, breathe and smile" Thich Nhat Hanh

 
Old 11-17-2004, 10:28 AM   #11
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Re: Opinion on grandmother spoiling?

''Sounds like a first grandbaby!''
Your exactly right Lillypad!

Last edited by worried_mommy; 11-17-2004 at 10:28 AM.

 
Old 11-18-2004, 10:54 AM   #12
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Re: Opinion on grandmother spoiling?

I think it is cute. I never had grandparents to spoil me and my parents were poor. Growing up it would have been nice to have some brand name clothes but my parents couldn't afford any. Also your daughter is only 11 months old and I don't think that she can be spoiled with presents yet. Plus it is christmas and kids are supposed to be spoiled on the holidays. My mom and mother-in-law buy dylan stuff all the time and I am glad since we don't have a lot of money at the moment. My son will be 10 months old when christmas comes and I won't mind the extra gifts for him. I bought dylan a cute jacket from baby gap and all his other brand name stuff is from grandma. Plus you don't want to offend your mom, be grateful she has the money to buy things for your daughter.

 
Old 11-19-2004, 10:03 AM   #13
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Re: Opinion on grandmother spoiling?

This could be an issue that unfolds into a spoiled brat or it could not. I think a lot depends on what values you instill in your child. My children who are 10 and 5 have ALWAYS been spoiled rotton by my mother. My mom every single year spends I would say no less than $500 on each of my children at Christmas time. My mom is a huge shopper. That is all the woman does. She lives at the mall. This woman is my mother, and she did the same thing to me and my siblings when we were younger, but we were raised to appreciate the things that we have. I think a lot depends on how you are raised. My children get tons of stuff. They are spoiled by my parents and my in laws, but they are not brats and do not expect the best by any means.

Another thing that has helped out is every year before Christmas, my children go through their stuff and they set aside toys that they no longer play with and we donate them to children who are less fortunate. My children realize that there are many children out there who will never have a Christmas like they do, and every year........they look forward to donating to help out others. There are a number of things that you as the parent can do to be sure that your child/children appreciate and are thankful for everything. Don't automatically assume that just because your mother buys your child everything under the sun that your child will become a brat who expects everything under the sun. I believe children become spoiled because they are conditioned that way.

 
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