BedTime Woes!!! HELP! - Parenting Issues Message Board

littleone314 · 11-18-2004, 07:03 PM

Does anyone else DREAD getting their 19 month old to bed? I used to rock him to sleep in my arms every night untill about 18 months when he just refused...kicked...screamed...slapped me, while trying to get him down, so I took this as a cue maybe he is ready to go to sleep by himself in his crib. So, (his pedia. actually recommended letting him go to sleep by himself) I started putting him in his crib around the same time every night (about 8:45) and the first few nights he did wonderful, never cried, just feel asleep. After that first week though, he will scream bloody murder for about 20 mins before eventually falling asleep. He still does, every night, it's heartbraking. So, I tried going back to rocking him and he refuses that too. I don't know what to do. I feel horrible about just letting him cry but nothing else works!!!! What adds to the distress is the fact that we live with my parents and my grandmother and when I was a baby it was unheard of to let a baby "cry it out". They will come to me and say "how can you just let him cry like that", "don't you hear him", or "go get him and rock him"...etc! Things like that don't help me out at all! Do you all have any ideas on how I can help him fall asleep and what should I say to his grandparents?

Chrissi · 11-18-2004, 07:55 PM

well first of all you are doing the right thing by letting him learn to go to sleep on his own...my daughter is 1 yrs old and she has always refused to be rocked to sleep and we quickly learned she just needed to go to sleep on her own, she cried like your son for a while but now, i just put her down and she knows its time to go to sleep and there is no use to sit here and scream all night...(unless she has a tooth or two coming in or just had shots or is sick, those times she will just cry and cry, so i try to help her)

i would first of all tell the people in the home "butting" in that you are just following the dr.s orders...

again just let him cry for a while go in and pat him on the back and tell him its time to sleep....after about 10 mins do the same again, and then just stop going in....he will eventually figure this thing out and this will be a thing of the past...just stick it out....no matter what anyone says you are doing the right thing. eventually children have to learn to soothe themselves to sleep.

and when you start breaking down and wanting to go in his room just keep in mind that if you do it is just going to take longer to get him used to this new nighttime sleep situation.

goodluck

Soulcatcher · 11-18-2004, 08:10 PM

Sounds like he's testing the waters. Start by having a routine EVERY night and at least for the first two weeks don't break it. Make your own routine such as.....dinner.....bath.....story time and then a nice hug and kiss and go night night. If you have a night light on it may be too bright. Also...is he taking a nap in the afternoon? If so what time is it? You may have to change it to earlier so he is more tired at night. And, I know you won't want to hear this but his bed time is a bit late. Try to put him down about 7 or 8. Sometimes if they are over tired it takes them longer to fall asleep.So it all depends on when he starts his day on your schedule. At this age he is seeing what all he can get away with. Stay firm this will help you for when he is older. Children feel safer when they are secure, such as a strick schedule through out the day. Don't get me wrong you can bend the rules from time to time but for the most part stick to it. Once you do your nightly routine he will know when bed time is about to come and he will mentally prepare himself for it. Once he is used to it he may try and distract you from it but don't cave!! I promise you this will work, if he's crying after ten minutes just go in there and give him a pat on the head and a soft I love you and get right back out! Do not stay in and prolong it because that is what he wants. Then again in ten minutes you can go back in....he will start to understand that mommy does come back and she isn't really gone. Good luck.

siren1024 · 11-18-2004, 08:38 PM

My son is 16 months and has been sleeping on his own through the night since 9 months. He STILL cries a bit most nights, sometimes screams. We put him down at the same time every night, whether or not he wants to go. Plus, I think that crying is his way of releasing tension and calming down. He's a very high energy high strung child, and is JUST learning other self soothing techniques (snuggling his blanket, etc.) But sometimes I can tell he's testing the waters too. If we don't go to him when he's screaming, he will be less likely to try it again the next night. They are old enough know to know what illicits a favorable reaction from you! If we do go to him (if it goes on too long or we are worried something might be wrong. He has had some nightmare type intances, so we've been going to him some lately to make sure he doesn't really need the comfort) he is much more likely to scream and fuss again the next night.

You are doing the right thing! He definitley sounds ready to sleep on his own. I know it's hard to ignore the screams, but it's definitely worth it in the long run.

Also, all kids are different, but be prepared for this possibility. Going in to reassure my DS only enrages him further and prolongs the process when we don't pick him up. He gets a second wind. LOL. We finally had to stop going in at all if we knew he was fine, and he fell asleep much faster. This method works wonders with alot of kids, just not mine!