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Old 12-02-2004, 06:32 PM   #1
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Momx2in04 HB User
MIL steals in front of my son

Hi everyone...I hope someone can give me some good advice on how to handle this situation.

My son will be 4 in May, and he stays with my MIL when my DH and I are working. I recently found out that she goes to a local thrift store a couple of times a week (with my son) and steals from there - she will take a cart full of items into the dressing room and stuff them into her purse and my son's diaper bag. She even does this with the toys she gives to my son the second they get into the car. He goes into the dressing room with her and sees her do this. I am VERY upset - I do NOT want my son learning this behavior or seeing her do it! Otherwise she is a great Granny - but this cancels out anything good in my opinion. My DH refuses to say anything to his mother about this, and I feel uncomfortable saying anything to her.

Can anyone suggest tactful but firm ways for me to tell her I expect her NEVER to do this in front of my son again?

 
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Old 12-03-2004, 04:26 AM   #2
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Re: MIL steals in front of my son

OMG!!!! What in the hell is she doing??? How did you find out? Did she tell you. I say forget being tactful, tell her you know what she is doing and that she is never to do that with your son again. What if she got arrested and the cops took your son? She obviously isn't thinking about that. Tell DH to grow a pair (of you know what) and tell his mom that this is never to happen again and if it does your son is not allowed to be with her. Period!!!

 
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Old 12-03-2004, 05:47 AM   #3
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Re: MIL steals in front of my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiera1595
OMG!!!! What in the hell is she doing??? How did you find out? Did she tell you. I say forget being tactful, tell her you know what she is doing and that she is never to do that with your son again. What if she got arrested and the cops took your son? She obviously isn't thinking about that. Tell DH to grow a pair (of you know what) and tell his mom that this is never to happen again and if it does your son is not allowed to be with her. Period!!!
I agree with Kiera on this one Your son is being utilized as an accessory to a crime by his own Granny Just think about it.....no one would ever suspect a granny is shoplifting with her grandchild in tow. This is actually more serious a problem than you may think....and shoplifting can be an addictive thing that just a plea for her to stop may just not do it!!!!

This is your son.... and yes, these are to formulative years in which he is learning right from wrong. You need to own up to this and so does your husband even if it means finding another caregiver. (Firing Granny) Think about it objectively if you may...what would you & your husband do if this were anyone else???? I know that this won't come easy....but bottom line you need to think of what's best for you son and put his well being first. That is our job as parents...to be our child's advocate. Good luck...you were right to post here and let us know what happens....Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 12-03-2004 at 05:47 AM.

 
Old 12-03-2004, 07:18 AM   #4
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Re: MIL steals in front of my son

Wow.... I COMPLETELY agree!!! Forget tact. I would also have it out with my DH if this were me over his apparent spinelesness towards his mother, especially to the detriment of his own child. Imagine her getting arrested. He would be taken in by the police, scared to death, scarred for life cause Granny went to jail! He could even have a guilt problem when he figures out they've been doing something wrong. Or even worse, he could come to believe there is nothing wrong with it and start taking stuff himself. These are the formative years, and your son needs to be exposed to law abiding citizens!

Confront Granny. I'd tell her it stops or she's fired. Bring up the "what if's" and see if you see any remorse in her. Do what you have to do to protect your son. Others are right, this may be an serious addiction with her, and if it is, you can bet this isn't the only place she does it.
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Old 12-03-2004, 07:21 AM   #5
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Re: MIL steals in front of my son

Thanks - this is so upsetting to me, but my DH seems willing to just blow it off...I guess b/c he doesn't want to confront her. I totally agree with you both - he is learning right from wrong now, and what she is doing is awful. As for how we found out, yes, she told us. She said she needed the bigger diaper bag b/c she was going to the thrift store...when I wondered why, she asked me how I thought she always had so much stuff to sell at her yard sales. (!!!) I was still confused, so she said "Yes honey, why do you think I always take my biggest purse or the diaper bag! Roll it up real tight and make a few trips to the car...hey, we need money!"
Let me interject here, we are not trash if you know what I mean. I assure you that my MIL and FIL do not need money bad enough to steal from a charity and then sell the goods.
I know that something has to be done...I hope that she will agree to do her "shopping" during the days she isn't keeping my kids (I also have a 3-week old daughter).
I appreciate the advice and letting me know I'm not overreacting to this! I'll keep you informed on what happens!

 
Old 12-03-2004, 08:00 AM   #6
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Re: MIL steals in front of my son

MomX2.....You are not overeacting....in fact you are perfectly entitled to be concerned. I'm sorry but MIL or not you need to ask you hubby that if this were anyone but his mother what would he think would be the best thing to do. Then, (and I am confident that he is a good father) do it. If he makes excuses then you may have many parenting issues ahead because he may have been raised to think that stealing is an okay thing in certain instances but it is still a felony and nothing makes it right...it is a commandment as well. You need to save this generation and insure that good morals are instilled in your children. and if your husband doesn't want to do it...it is your job to do so.....Good Luck and keep us posted as to how things go...Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 12-03-2004 at 08:00 AM.

 
Old 12-03-2004, 09:02 AM   #7
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crisma HB User
Re: MIL steals in front of my son

Please, please, put a stop to this NOW!!! I can tell you that your son watching this will lead to nothing but trouble! I have an aunt that used to steal when her 3 kids were small and 1 of them picked up the habit herself. If it was not tied down, she would take it. I hated to see her come to my house. When she left stuff was always missing! And now 25 years later the cousin has 3 kids herself and 1 of them is such a thief. He is not allowed to come to my house because he always took my oldest sons things. None of them did it because of lack of money either. I wish you the best!

 
Old 12-03-2004, 12:35 PM   #8
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susieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB User
Re: MIL steals in front of my son

If she were arrested for her bad habit maybe she would think twice before she did it again. Shame on her. How can she sleep at night knowing she steals from a charity type organization? Some people have their brains in their butts!

 
Old 12-03-2004, 07:13 PM   #9
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Momx2in04 HB User
Re: MIL steals in front of my son

You are all SO right. I still have 2 weeks of my maternity leave left, and so my son is staying home with me. Before I go back to work and leave him with her, I will make sure that this is cleared up. It is unacceptable. I am a Christian and really try to raise my son to be a good person...her undermining that really makes me angry.
I will keep updating on how it goes...thanks for all the support!

 
Old 12-05-2004, 03:54 AM   #10
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Re: MIL steals in front of my son

WOW maggie, sorry you are having to go throught this I would just politely ask her not to do her shoplifting in front of Ian......Just say to her you dont want him to grow up thinking its OK to steal....Really wether its from a thrift shop or anywhere, stealing is stealing isnt it...Anyway keep us posted and GOOD LUCK hun
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