there is this lady that had watched my kid ( as in baby) since he was 4 months old. well we were all sitting around for the holidays and she grabbed my son and her three son and took a pic and did even ask me ............well my light in my head turn on....... i wak like wow...... i know she didnt .......... he made me feel like she was loving my child like it was hers. and it really made me wake up and think about some things . she has been there for me like no else when i need someone to help me but it just made me confused...........
does anyone think i took this the wrong way???????
yesterday she called and she asked could she keep him for the new years i was like well im going thru alot and i just need to spend sometime with my son.........
then she called back the next day which is today and told me his jacket was over there and did they do anything wrong. well i told her that i had talk to some of my family and they said that i should just keep it to myself but do whatever i felt was right. he is my kid i shouldnt have to go in to a long discusion abbout this........
she said my name....... i paused and said well its nothing that they did as in her family it was something that she had done that really hurt my feeling and it made me realize that i didnt need my son loving someone else more than me and that i need to chill out on the every weekend thing and start spending more time with him. and that i need to pull him away from all of these before he got hurt and she got hurt more. she started crying i started crying and my phone started to go dead......... that was the end what am i supposed to do about and was i wrong to feel this way .......
Personally, I think you overeacted. All she did is take your son's picture with her son? You were right there, she probably didn't think it would be that big of a deal. Because it's not. Other people are gonna love your son, not just you. It is your child and you have to do what you think is best, but I think you made too much of a big deal over it. Yes, I would probably agree that if your son is spending every weekend with them HE may be getting too attached to them, so just cut back. But now you've hurt your friend's feelings, and she'll probably always be afraid that you'll be mad at her for caring about her son.
i do agree with u , but i guess it hurt me cuz, she is supposed to be like a mom to me..... she says.. and im not meaning to use my son against her in anyway............. let me explain so that i can tell u the reason why she has my son on the weekend . his father does not take present in his life. none of my family voulenteer to watch overnite. also i suffer from an illness at 24 that wears my body down, and thing as we all know as parent its a hard job taking care of kids ur constanly busy all the time. well she took him so on the weekend i could rest up and get better. before i dint have no help i was hospitalized 3 time for my illness due from exhaustion od a new born......... my family is my num one source for feeling this way , they having been raging on me ever since i let this lady watch my kid. like oh u cant trust her , she going to get to attached and so forth, which she is ,...... but i do think i did over react, but the only way i think i over reacted is becuase when she asked i told her how i felt, i should have just kept it to myself................. i just dont know what to say to her anymore i need help to repair this ....................
What do you mean by "being too attached". Is she obsessed with your son in an "unhealthy" way. Do you feel like she's trying to take him away from you? Or is she more like a grandmother that loves him very much? If she is a very good caring women, you should be happy. Why take that away from him. You can't get too much love. At least you know that your son is in good hands when you are not feeling well. You ARE his mother. Your child would never choose someone else over his mother (unless the mother abuses him). He will love you more for letting someone that loves him take care of him when you can't.
Why don't you do a back ground check on this woman and see what her history is? See if she is on a sexual predator list? If she comes out clean then she may just love your son. I sometimes get my friends daughter for the weekend. NOT every weekend. But you can truely love someone else's child and thats great to have. There are so many cruel people out there. How old is your child now, you did not say? The picture was NOT a big deal at all. It's nice she would include your son instead of leaving him out and just taking pics of her own. She may be trying to help you. I hope it is all ok.
I too think its probably fine. She probably feels attached to your son and loves him because she has known him and cared for him for such a long time. He will never love anyone more than you (at least till he grows up and has a girlfriend, LOL), and even then you will always be his mom, his first love and hold a special place in his heart!!!!! I think its actually a good thing that they have a bond. I know when I leave my daughter (she's our third) with people that she loves I feel a lot less guilty about being gone.
boy do i feel bad , not for the advice anyone has given me. it has been very helpful and it has made me think maybe it was from me being selfish cuz i was like if im like a daughter to her why didnt she ask me to be in it that was it all boils down to ...... thats what i searching for an answer to help myself and somehow to make this better with her......and and now i know she isnt someone made i dont trust my kid with no one and she is the only outsider that is not in my blood family that i trust my son now is 10 months old ...............
Okay, I'm going to be straight forward and brutal about this.
If you are too worried that your child is getting attached to this woman, and that she is getting too attachted to your son, then maybe YOU need to watch your son. It's only natural that if your not around as much as this other woman is, he's going to grow some sort of "bond" with her.
I have cousins that grew up having their parents divorced, custody with their moms, and their moms going out, bars, friends and what not, leaving their kids with babysitters. The kids never really had/have a good bond w/their mom. And looking at that makes me proud that my parents rarely hired sitters for myself, brother and sister.
Well - it appears that AngelByHeaven needs the babysitting services - according to her post, she has an illness that wipes her out and she needs someone to help with childcare for health reasons - we are not all so lucky to have intact families and sterling health. Sure there needs to be well calculated and balanced decisions made regarding the caregiver's health and the parent/child attachment. But it seems that it is her family that is more upset about this than her -
Angel - correct me if I read your post wrong.
I would be very happy to have someone trustworthy and loving watching my child in my absence. I am well aware of the daily decsions that need to be made regarding childcare - every day is different - every situation is different. Angel - do the best you can and don't get all full of guilt from your family or other people's expectaions. - Elle
as u can tell i am beating myself up over this but what i am considering since the father is not in the pic is just paying for a good daycare which does scare me cuz this is my first child . the biggiest problem is that there is not a daycare that i have found that will allow like three days for a 10 month old u know . so i figure pay the full price and just go pick him up when i want and go eat lunch with etc. so that he can build socializing skill with others his age and so forthe . then i can be there more on the weekend and not totally take him away from here but maybe like two nights a month or so u know like a father would have. maybe like every other weekend one night and half day .... u think that would be a good idea elle........
Where is the father? Is he close by? Is he responsible and does he want to be part of this plan? If he is willing, that sounds like an excellent plan. Daycare is always a reasonable option - you will need to chose carefully and always keep tabs on them - if this will calm the issues that your family has I would say give it a shot. Will your family have similar issues with daycare providers? Or is it just this particular woman that you have spoken of? Check out some websites that give can give you information on choosing a daycare provider - generally the state that you live in will have a "*** gov" website that will have some information on their regulations, requirements, licensing, etc.
I am wishing you good luck and peace with your decisions - Elle
Where is the father? Is he close by? Is he responsible and does he want to be part of this plan? If he is willing, that sounds like an excellent plan. Daycare is always a reasonable option - you will need to chose carefully and always keep tabs on them - if this will calm the issues that your family has I would say give it a shot. Will your family have similar issues with daycare providers? Or is it just this particular woman that you have spoken of? Check out some websites that give can give you information on choosing a daycare provider - generally the state that you live in will have a "*** gov" website that will have some information on their regulations, requirements, licensing, etc.
I am wishing you good luck and peace with your decisions - Elle
they seem to have an opionion for eveything , but u know what he is my child and i believe i should raise him way iwant u know. one side is ok with daycare the other is not.....the father does live in the same area as me maybe about 20 min aways but never take part in is life as getting him.........
Just tell her that a friend of yours recommended this daycare and you think it would be good socializing skills and you don't know if it will work or not but you are going to try it. Just an idea.
well me and the babysitter did talk but nothing really came out except for she called to ask if she could have alex and i said yes.............
we talked and i said i didnt have no hard feeling she said she didnt either , but she feels like my family is making her out to be a crazy person................
i think you overreacted a lot! I would be so happy to know that i had such a good babysitter. A baby needs love from a lot of people, not just its mother. You may have gotten jealous but why would the woman you trust to watch your son every other weekend need permission to take a picture with him? Id be happy to see someone so in love with my child as long as it doesnt go to far (like attempt in kidnapping lol)
I can't understand why you would even consider putting your child in day care when you have someone who is like a second mother to him who loves him very much. What a godsend. I don't have any family where I live and I am 22 with a 13 month old. My husband is at school all day and studies a ton after school so I basically do a lot myself. I wanted a part time job so badly but it was hard to find one because of my availability. I am sorry but I couldn't put my baby in daycare because I would rather him get attention from one person and not be exposed to all those childhood illnesses. Do you know what the ratio is for caregiver to infant? Its one caregiver to 4 infants. Plus these people are total strangers. You are so lucky I wish you would see that. I would do anything to have someone willing to take care of my son that really enjoys him so I could take a break or whatever else I need to do.
Just out of curiosity, if your family are totally against this woman and against daycare why can't they step in to help with the babysitting at the weekends?
Just out of curiosity, if your family are totally against this woman and against daycare why can't they step in to help with the babysitting at the weekends?
Very good point !! Chances are they look at this women that was there for you when THEY were not and that doesn't make them like her very much .Be smart and don't let you family turn you away from this woman .Also not to be mean but you said mabye you where jelous because she didn't ask to to be in the picture........grow up and at like a Mom honey. there is no place for jelousy being amom ,becuse one day you'll look up and relize youe my child has better everthing than (clothes/ body /brains)me and you'll have to be happy for her because isn 't that really what we all want for our children ..the best of everthing ??
Last edited by engineer1961; 03-12-2005 at 10:48 PM.
Reason: spelling error ..as usuall :)
I can't understand why you would even consider putting your child in day care when you have someone who is like a second mother to him who loves him very much. What a godsend. I don't have any family where I live and I am 22 with a 13 month old. My husband is at school all day and studies a ton after school so I basically do a lot myself. I wanted a part time job so badly but it was hard to find one because of my availability. I am sorry but I couldn't put my baby in daycare because I would rather him get attention from one person and not be exposed to all those childhood illnesses. Do you know what the ratio is for caregiver to infant? Its one caregiver to 4 infants. Plus these people are total strangers. You are so lucky I wish you would see that. I would do anything to have someone willing to take care of my son that really enjoys him so I could take a break or whatever else I need to do.
I totally agree. My daughter was in daycare and got so sick that she ended up in the hospital. She received so much amoxicillian that she built up an immunity against it and ended up with a yeast infection. You really overrreated. My goodness I wish I could have had someone like that when my daughter was a baby. Not to mention the cost and there are many cases of neglect and abuse. My daughter was in a another daycare temporarily and she told me after I took her out that the daycare woman would hit the kids with a plastic baseball bat whenever they were "bad"! I asked her if she ever got hit and she said no which I believed because my daughter is very quiet and keeps to herself but still the thought of that enraged me. Had I known this before I honestly think no, I know I would have ended up in jail because heads would have rolled and asses would have been kicked. I found out that many daycares in the area and close by do the same thing. Needless to say when I was pregnant with my son I told my husband the baby was not going into daycare and I stay at home with him. You really are very fortunate with this woman. If you think daycare would be better I fear you might be mistaken.
babysitter getting to attached 
Re: babysitter getting to attached 
I asked her if she ever got hit and she said no which I believed because my daughter is very quiet and keeps to herself but still the thought of that enraged me. Had I known this before I honestly think no, I know I would have ended up in jail because heads would have rolled and asses would have been kicked. I found out that many daycares in the area and close by do the same thing. Needless to say when I was pregnant with my son I told my husband the baby was not going into daycare and I stay at home with him. You really are very fortunate with this woman. If you think daycare would be better I fear you might be mistaken.
