babysitter getting to attached - Parenting Issues Message Board

angelbyheaven · 12-31-2004, 07:34 PM

there is this lady that had watched my kid ( as in baby) since he was 4 months old. well we were all sitting around for the holidays and she grabbed my son and her three son and took a pic and did even ask me ............well my light in my head turn on....... i wak like wow...... i know she didnt .......... he made me feel like she was loving my child like it was hers. and it really made me wake up and think about some things . she has been there for me like no else when i need someone to help me but it just made me confused...........
does anyone think i took this the wrong way???????

yesterday she called and she asked could she keep him for the new years i was like well im going thru alot and i just need to spend sometime with my son.........

then she called back the next day which is today and told me his jacket was over there and did they do anything wrong. well i told her that i had talk to some of my family and they said that i should just keep it to myself but do whatever i felt was right. he is my kid i shouldnt have to go in to a long discusion abbout this........
she said my name....... i paused and said well its nothing that they did as in her family it was something that she had done that really hurt my feeling and it made me realize that i didnt need my son loving someone else more than me and that i need to chill out on the every weekend thing and start spending more time with him. and that i need to pull him away from all of these before he got hurt and she got hurt more. she started crying i started crying and my phone started to go dead......... that was the end what am i supposed to do about and was i wrong to feel this way .......

FaithfulyWaiting · 01-01-2005, 10:43 AM

Personally, I think you overeacted. All she did is take your son's picture with her son? You were right there, she probably didn't think it would be that big of a deal. Because it's not. Other people are gonna love your son, not just you. It is your child and you have to do what you think is best, but I think you made too much of a big deal over it. Yes, I would probably agree that if your son is spending every weekend with them HE may be getting too attached to them, so just cut back. But now you've hurt your friend's feelings, and she'll probably always be afraid that you'll be mad at her for caring about her son.

angelbyheaven · 01-01-2005, 04:53 PM

i do agree with u , but i guess it hurt me cuz, she is supposed to be like a mom to me..... she says.. and im not meaning to use my son against her in anyway............. let me explain so that i can tell u the reason why she has my son on the weekend . his father does not take present in his life. none of my family voulenteer to watch overnite. also i suffer from an illness at 24 that wears my body down, and thing as we all know as parent its a hard job taking care of kids ur constanly busy all the time. well she took him so on the weekend i could rest up and get better. before i dint have no help i was hospitalized 3 time for my illness due from exhaustion od a new born......... my family is my num one source for feeling this way , they having been raging on me ever since i let this lady watch my kid. like oh u cant trust her , she going to get to attached and so forth, which she is ,...... but i do think i did over react, but the only way i think i over reacted is becuase when she asked i told her how i felt, i should have just kept it to myself................. i just dont know what to say to her anymore i need help to repair this ....................

Mica09 · 01-01-2005, 06:04 PM

What do you mean by "being too attached". Is she obsessed with your son in an "unhealthy" way. Do you feel like she's trying to take him away from you? Or is she more like a grandmother that loves him very much? If she is a very good caring women, you should be happy. Why take that away from him. You can't get too much love. At least you know that your son is in good hands when you are not feeling well. You ARE his mother. Your child would never choose someone else over his mother (unless the mother abuses him). He will love you more for letting someone that loves him take care of him when you can't.

Soulcatcher · 01-01-2005, 06:13 PM

Why don't you do a back ground check on this woman and see what her history is? See if she is on a sexual predator list? If she comes out clean then she may just love your son. I sometimes get my friends daughter for the weekend. NOT every weekend. But you can truely love someone else's child and thats great to have. There are so many cruel people out there. How old is your child now, you did not say? The picture was NOT a big deal at all. It's nice she would include your son instead of leaving him out and just taking pics of her own. She may be trying to help you. I hope it is all ok.