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Old 01-07-2005, 07:00 PM   #1
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bite

I need some help!!!!! My son is 15 months old, my hubby works second shift so he does not go to work until 3 so he drops Aaron off at 230 and I pick him up at 515. Not to long at the babysitter, but so far it has been going very well. Today when I picked him up the babysitter was waiting for me. As I walked in she said WE HAVE A PROBLEM. She said that Aaron bit another child in the daycare ( a 4 month old baby ) She said that he bit the baby 3 times on the forehead. Ok, now I am not one of those mothers that thinks that her son could never do anything wrong......I believe her when she says that he bit the baby. This is the stuff that is rubbing me the wrong way. How does a 15 month old and a 4 month old get to be in a room alone long enough for something like this to happen before someone comes and controls the situation. I am sure that the baby was going crazy......where was the babysitter. She then tells me that if this continues that I will have to find somewhere else for him to go. How do I disipline him when he does not bite at our house or anywhere where I have him? And the last and final blow to this story is when the woman tells me that MAYBE IT IS TIME THAT WE BITE AARON BACK. My husband might as well get the bail money out right now if that is where that goes again. I am so scared that I dropping my son off at a house where he is not safe.,,.....Talk to me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I need the help. q
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Old 01-07-2005, 07:10 PM   #2
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Re: bite

I am a mother and my children are 4,3,3 and I am protective. RED FLAG. You are VERY right to think "where was this woman at?" He bit four times??? Thats a pretty long time. How many children does this woman have? I would probably look elsewhere to be on the safe side.
You do NOT have to bite your child back. I did do this with my daugher and it stopped her. I didn't have to bite her hard and she was also two years old. At fifteen months you pretty much show him by doing it to daddy and saying "thats a no no" He probably understands more than you think.
What comes to my mind is What made your child so mad that he bit another child so little? I don't think the four month old did anything to him so what ticked him off or who????????? Things like this do happen but it's not worth your childs life to take the chance and let him stay with this sitter. I would pull him out and go fast to somewhere else. Keep us posted.

 
Old 01-07-2005, 07:33 PM   #3
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StephMA HB User
Re: bite

"We" have a problem. I don't think so. Young toddlers bite ... it's NOT that uncommon? How did it happen, where was the sitter? Does she have a plan (other than dismissal) for dealing w/ biting? It's very common among toddlers who often do not have the words or other skills to handle frustrations. Perhaps the baby got too much attention or had a binky or a blanky that
looked interesting ... who knows?!?

If this is the first incidence of biting (even if it happened 4 times in 30 seconds) ... then it's not "time to bite back" ... because you don't even KNOW if it's an ongoing problem!!

My two kids spent time in home daycare. Each was bit once and each bit other children .... I also looked into large commercial daycare centers and they had written policies for dealing w/ biting that including things like "removing the child from the situation" (time outs) modelling good behavior and if it became too commonplace assigning a 'buddy' (usually a part-timer working 'mothers hours' in the morning, and a teen-helper in the afternoon) to be one-on-one with the child at all times and intervene at the first sign of frustration.

(((hugs))) I wish you the best. Follow your mommy instincts. They're susually right on.

 
Old 01-07-2005, 10:53 PM   #4
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Re: bite

Hi I personally wouldnt leave my babies in a home day care situation unless I knew the person VERY well.....You just dont know what type of people they are or if they are looking after your children properly...At least in the larger child care centres, there is more staff etc and they are normally inspected quite regularly...I personally think you should go with your gut instinct and take your baby out of there....Like you said and like the other posters said,WHERE WAS SHE when your son was supposedly biting the other baby ? Anyway good luck with everthing
P.S Its totally normal for babies to go through a biting stage, my daughter is also 15 months and has occasionally tried to bite me...
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Old 01-08-2005, 11:33 AM   #5
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Re: bite

My son is 18 months, and has been biting since 14 months. Most of the time he's just testing it out, I don't think he really understands that it hurts.

Very young toddlers don't usually bite out of meaness. They bite out of curiosity, misplaced affection (wierd, I know, but sometimes my son will bite me on the shoulder when he is "loving" me) frustration, etc. They don't understand inflicting pain very well.

I too, would wonder how your son was allowed to bite the baby 4 times. It would seem like they weren't well supervised at all. I would NEVER NEVER leave my son alone with a baby. He's too rough, rambuctious, and unpredictable. I agree that would be a red flag to me, too. I'd think about getting him out of there.

As far as biting back goes, I have done it a couple times, very lightly. But never NEVER would I allow someone else to do it or even think about it. It didn't really seem to work because I think biting is a very impulsive action with my son. He doesn't think about it, he just does it. But if I "cry" when he bites me and say sharply "Don't bite! That hurts mommy!!!" and cry some more, he cries and tries to love up on me because he feels bad. I think that's probably the most effective way for an impulse biter that doesn't mean to hurt.
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Last edited by siren1024; 01-08-2005 at 11:35 AM.

 
Old 01-08-2005, 01:55 PM   #6
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Re: bite

I totally agree with you siren about the biting ....They dont really understand about pain etc and I also do what you do, pretend to cry and say no that hurts mummy LOL
I just keep thinking to myself,how does this woman know that your son bit that baby 4 times Was there actually 4 different bite marks on it ? The whole thing sounds VERY strange to me They must have been left unattended for quite a while if there was 4 separate bite marks ? But bottom line here, like siren said she should never have left your son unattended with a baby . I never ever leave my 15 month old around my 10 week old son..Not that she would maliciously hurt him, but just out of curiousty she may accidently poke him in the eye or something, she has a facination with his eyes for some reason. She too can get be quite rough sometimes.
If I was that other babies mother I would also be taking my baby out of there.
GOOD LUCK and let us know what you end up doing
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Old 01-08-2005, 07:38 PM   #7
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Re: bite

Well, I didnt sleep very well last night and I can not stop thinking about this today. I am going to call first thing Monday morning and see if any daycare centers have any openings. I dont think that I could work Monday knowing that he was going back there. My mother in law offered to watch him until we find another place for him. I just keep thinking about the situation and the more I think about it the more scared I get. I mean.....what does he think when we drop him off? He must think that this whatever they do to him is ok becuase we drop him off. It is so scary......why cant we all just get paid to stay home with our kids Anyway, thanks for letting me vent......I will let you know what happens.

Mommy of Aaron 9-23-03
Mommy of ?????? EDD 7-7-05
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Old 01-09-2005, 01:24 PM   #8
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Re: bite

Ok, well I thought I would send an update on this one. I got a call this morning (Sunday) from his babysitter telling me that he was no longer welcome. WHAT!!!!! Then she tells me that Friday night the 4 month old's parents had to take him to the ER. The ER doctor says that Aaron must have rubbed his teeth across the babies forehead becuase there were cuts. She says that the only way that the babies parents are not going to call DCFS is if she does not allow Aaron back. I am ok with that becuase I did not feel comfortable with him going back. I just wish that DCFS would be aware of the situation.....I dont think that she is putting those kids in a safe situation. My hubby thinks that I should just drop it but I think that I should call. Any thoughts????
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Old 01-09-2005, 01:56 PM   #9
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Re: bite

okay i tried to reply to this one yesterday but it wouldn't let me. anyways, yes you should call the authorities about this one. she should NOT be watching young children if she is not responsible enough (and it sounds like to me that she isn't!). i am shocked by the post that you had written. who is this lady and what qualifications does she have? i know for a fact that she was not in the room with the children while they were playing because if she was this would not have happpened! i hear a lot of horror storys about daycare, and that is why my husband will not allow them to go there. but for me i dont' see a problem with it as long and it is an actual center with video cameras. anyways the whole situation doesn't make much sense to me. who knows, maybe the daycare lady made the bite marks herself seriously, you have to consider all types of possibilities. things like that DO happen. i think you should evaluate this further, i would if i were you. maybe you can give the parents of the bitten baby a phone call if possible to find out what they think of the whole situation. i really don't want this kind of stuff happening to any other children. so please do something now, even if it turns out that we are going way overboard about the whole thing, then who cares at least you know!! well good luck and please keep us updated!!

 
Old 01-09-2005, 02:12 PM   #10
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Re: bite

i'm sorry, i just really angry at the whole situation. i am just thinking how she could have possibly let your son bite the baby 3 times in a matter of a couple hours. the whole situation makes her look bad because well i know that i said earlier that she wasn't in the room while this was happening but maybe i am not so sure anymore. but if she was she must have been sleeping or something because any responsible caregiver would not let this happen!! and if she wasn't in the room then how would she know that they were actual bite marks and that he is the one who did it? the baby could have scrap himself somehow. i don't know. well i am just bothered by the whole thing because i have a 5 month old and a 2 year old, and i know that i could never let this happen and i don't see how it COULD happen. please just let us know what you find out. Thank You.

 
Old 01-09-2005, 03:47 PM   #11
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Re: bite

DEFINATELY REPORT HER TO THE CORRECT AUTHORITIES !
The cheek of the woman, making out like your son is the bad guy...
WHAT ABOUT HER AND HER NOT BEING AWARE OF WHAT 2 BABIES ARE DOING ?
Definately try and contact the other parents too please ! The thought that that poor innocent little baby is going back to that woman just turns my stomach
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Old 01-09-2005, 04:21 PM   #12
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Re: bite

I'm not a parent, just an auntie, but I know biting is quite a common problem. I surfed for info when my sweet, adorable 2-yr-old nephew bit another child in daycare. Before that, I thought only really neurotic, messed-up kids would bite, but apparently it's just a common impulse.

The best solution, apparently, is to pay attention to the child who got bitten, fuss over him, and not pay any attention to the child who did the biting, except to isolate him in a separate room, a crib, whatever. Give him a long enough "time out" to give him the idea that "this does not get you attention -it gets you put in a room ALONE and ignored". That cured my nephew, fortunately.

I wouldn't recommend "biting back" unless you've exhausted every other option.

Because of blood-transmitted diseases, biting is serious. Your daycare lady does not sound like a criminal - she does sound ignorant, though, and overwhelmed. Your kid is not a "bad guy" and she should know this is a common problem. And a 15-mo-old doesn't know any better!!! It's hard to watch even one child every second of the day, and especially not a whole passel of them. I can't blame a daycare for telling a "biter" not to come back; I wouldn't have blamed my nephew's daycare if they had banned him!!! They love him, but you just can't have kids biting other kids; it's way too dangerous. I wish you luck in resolving this, because it's never an easy situation.

Last edited by kerry1; 01-09-2005 at 04:29 PM.

 
Old 01-09-2005, 08:48 PM   #13
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Re: bite

This makes me SOOOO unbelievably angry. I would call the authorities so fast. And I'm sorry, but that is just so moronic of that baby's parents. How dare your babysitter "blame" your 1 year old for something? She could've prevented it with her supervision, and if the other parents don't realize that, they could be continuing to endanger their baby. What's to stop this woman from leaving the baby unattended with another child who may do worse things?

I'm sorry, but noone can convince me that a 15 month old is responsible for his own actions. I am just fuming over this one. He's still practically a baby himself, for crying out loud. He doesn't have the skills to limit his own behavior. That's why he needs adults with him AT ALL TIMES to show him how.

My son is a good kid, but he's 18 months old, and as I've said previously, I would never leave him alone with an infant. They are so impulsive, rough, and unpredictable at that age. They don't have the understanding to know how to treat a baby. It's just curiosity and playfullness but coupled with a lack of understanding of inflicting harm, those things can be dangerous.

Call the authorities on that woman! Tell them it's an unsafe environment for your son and the baby because she obviously doesn't watch them closely enough, and she tries to blame babies for her negligence!!!!
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Old 01-10-2005, 08:38 AM   #14
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Re: bite

I'd call DCFS and tell them what's going on. Toddler's bite. Mine's 19 months and he's bitten us a couple times. We tell him no and even have a book about no biting, hitting, kicking, spitting... He's immediately sorry when he's bitten us -- usually it's cuz we tell him it's time to go to bed and he gives us kisses.

Anyway, he goes to a large daycare center and he's been bitten once or twice and we've received a written report explaining what happened, what they did to alleviate the symptoms (clean up, ice...) There were a couple biters when we first started and instead of booting those children out, they worked with them to correct the behavior. And the children who bit or were bitten were all about the same age group. They'd never ever leave an infant unattended with toddlers or older children. THere's always someone around to supervise.

Also, there was recently a case of child abuse in our town where a day care provider tried to blame another child for fracturing another, smaller child's arm -- the doctors said there was no way a child could've done it. So maybe someone else is doing the biting..

Last edited by Ratatosk; 01-10-2005 at 08:40 AM.

 
Old 01-10-2005, 06:44 PM   #15
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Re: bite

toddlers bite!!! this is one of those issues that i wish all parents had alot more patience and understanding about. i have twin boys who are almost 3 and they have gone through 2 biting phases. the longest was around 15-20mon and the next was a month ago. i finally discovered that both times coincided with teething and the frustration of not being able to communicate effictively. it's amazing how humilating it can be to have a child who bites, but then you realize the only reason your embaressed is because of other people's reaction. so again i wish more parents had patience when it comes to biting.

 
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