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Old 01-18-2005, 12:42 PM   #1
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Unhappy Do I love my son more???

I am a mother of two I have a 5year old girl and a 2 year old boy. My daughter is from a prior marriage and my son is from current. I love both of my children very much. However I have noticed that I have been hard on my daughter more than I am on my son and I was watching some home movies and I focus alot on my son and not on my daughter that is when it really hit me. I feel like I may love him more AND I DONT WANT THAT!! It just seems i have no patients when it comes to her she gets on every nerve I have and quickly I want to change but I dont know how. Please someone help me. Please be kind it was really hard for me to post this.

 
Old 01-18-2005, 01:36 PM   #2
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Re: Do I love my son more???

Don't feel like there is something worng with you, it comes natural to some parents to feel that way. i was the same way when my daughter came 2 yrs after my son was born , i also questioned it ,seems like i am closer to my son then daughter also just because of the fact he has been through 2 surgery's and a few hospital stays and i almost lost him in a accident at the palyground, what may help you is set some more extra time aside for you and your daughter to bond , youll will end up with some special moments and bring you closer to her.. seems like alot when she is always on your last nerve but try to show her you love her no matter what she does(within limits..lol) hope this helps you a little bit..Good Luck

 
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Old 01-19-2005, 01:39 AM   #3
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Re: Do I love my son more???

It *is* normal, keithsgirl, for parents to occasionally feel more affection for one child than the other. It is also normal to expect more from your first-born than your subsequent children. It may also be that you relate better to the baby stage. Is this for the best? No, but it is normal.

Instead of feeling ashamed about it, congratulate yourself that you have recognized this about yourself. You can only do something about trying to be more fair to your daughter if you first recognize these feelings. Many parents never realize how biased their feelings are and therefore never do anything about it!

 
Old 01-20-2005, 05:26 AM   #4
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Re: Do I love my son more???

It could be the fact that your daughter is 5, she should basically know right from wrong pretty much...that is why you are a little harder on her. At 2, your son is still learning...I am not saying that your daughter is not learning more everyday, but she is old enough now to know what she can and can't get away with. Don't be too hard on yourself. Chin up!

 
Old 01-20-2005, 07:27 AM   #5
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Re: Do I love my son more???

Thank you all for your advise and support. I know that I need to do better for my daughter. I need to find more ways to spend special time with her. I thought about this all day yesterday and I Wondered if maby I am the way I am with her because I HATE my ex husband so much and bless her heart she is a carbon copy of him. I look at her when she is acting up and I see him....Then I thought what If I am being like this because of the way my parents was towards me... I went and bought 2 books yesterday one called TOXIC parents and Positive disiplane age birth to 10 hopefully these will shed some underlying issues.

 
Old 01-20-2005, 02:57 PM   #6
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Re: Do I love my son more???

Toxic parents is an exxcellent book.I read that one a few years ago..I wish you all the best.The good thing here is that your daughter is stil very young and this can be fixed!!Also you are realizing you need to fix something !!Your on the right pathand i bet you and your family are gonna be ok~I really mean that!!!Another thing that comes to mind when i rea dyour post is that older kids will actiually act out more if they think the youger ones are getting more of mommys attention ...Negative attention is better than no attention.Not ibnferring that you are giving her no attention ,,Just a comment there..lol
Take care and i hope it all works out real soon for you!!

 
Old 01-20-2005, 06:18 PM   #7
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Re: Do I love my son more???

It's so normal to prefer one child over the other, especially if one is from your hateful ex.....

But good for you for recognizing it and dealing with it. So many, many, many parents don't deal with it, and it comes back to bite them right in the

 
Old 01-21-2005, 08:47 AM   #8
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Re: Do I love my son more???

You know what? I went through this too, briefly. My first daughter was 5 when I got married and had my 2nd daughter. I noticed when the baby became a toddler, I was constantly annoyed with my older daughter. Her father and I split up under bad circumstances and she too looks exactly like him! He had a tendency to get himself in trouble, and when my daughter would act up, I saw that as a personality trait she got from him. I was able to put a stop to this for the most part. I love her and value the time I had alone with her raising her as my first child. It was so special, and my 2nd daughter will never know what it is like to experience that. So basically when I find myself really annoyed with her (she is eight now) I think back to how amazing it was to have my first little girl, with everything new and exciting.

Also, my 2nd daughter is very laid back and very different from her sister. I guess that is also a factor in how I treat them. My 8 year old seems glad to see her sister now getting into some trouble too! I know that I dont love one more than the other. I honestly cant see myself living without either of them.

 
Old 01-22-2005, 04:24 PM   #9
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Re: Do I love my son more???

You guys are so great thank you for your support on this. It is a horrible feeling to have thinking you could love one more that the other. It is so nice to know that I have support from you all. It is hard being a parent!! I do love it though and to hillaryb Thank you soo very much for conferming that the looks do have something to do with it. I so feel the same way. I will just try to look at her deeper and see me in her......Love to you all!!!

 
Old 01-23-2005, 08:03 PM   #10
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Re: Do I love my son more???

I agree with all the other posts here because I think they all make some excellent points. I also wanted to point out though that as a mom of two boys and one girl I notice that I am often a bit harder on my daughter than I am on either of my sons and my dh tends to be harder on the boys and spoils her more. I have heard this from other parents who have both genders as well so it could be a normal gender type thing. I can also tell you that growing up I know we were loved tremendously, but my mom seemed to have a soft spot in her heart for my brothers and my dad was much softer with me than he was with my brothers. Just something to think about.

Nancy

 
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