Re: raising teenagers and keepig my sanity..is it possible??
Hi whatamess, sorry to hear that things are not going to well. By what you are saying it seems that the family have a lot of issues to deal with. But it's not worth beating yourself over the past. You did what you thaught was best. You cannot change the past, what is done is done. What is important now is how you deal with your present so you have a chance for a happier future. How is therapy going? Is it helping? One book I would recommend for you to read is "Family First" by Dr. Phil. He has a lot of advice that is very common sense.
I think your son is very confused at the moment. By what you said, it seems that communication was practically non existent in your house, so your son was not equipped to deal with his feelings when things got really bad. I think that at the moment this girl is giving him the attention/affection that he felt he never had. I think he will marry this girl no matter what you say or do. The more you go against it, the more he'll want to do it and the more distant he will become. I think what I would do is tell him why I feel it's not the best thing to get married right now but that I would support him if that's what he really wanted (if it's a mistake, he'll learn the hard way) - but that I couldn't afford to help out financially for the wedding.
When you say you asked him to help out, in what way did you mean? If your son wants to be treated like an adult, he has to accept everthing that goes with being an adult. That means being fully responsible for himself and his family (wife) - emotionally, financially etc. Tell him he can't have it both ways - You can't be expected to be treated like an adult if you still depend on your parents for a lot of things. If he wants to continue staying at home I would give him certain conditions either 1) go to school 2) if not, find a job and earn his keep.