Has anyone out there ever loved and hated their child at the same time?
My son is 16 yrs old and I've been divorced since he was 6months old, so its just been him and I. I've tried to do everything right in raising him. He's always been a handful (has adhd) but never a "bad" kid. Then he became a teen!!!!!!!! He is always angry with me, just me, he gets along fine with friends. Everything I say,ask or do is stupid, he can never talk to me in a nice voice. He treats me worse and worse every day. I've always tried to talk to him instead of spanking from the time he was little till now, I think I talked too much. He does not cuss at me or call me names (thankfully). I have no control over him at all. He listens to nothing I say. He admited to me that he has drank and done pot before, but not now. Everything is my fault, he takes no responsibility for anything. I do realize that most teens go through this phase, but knowing it in my head and feeling it in my heart are two different things. How can I survive this and still have a relationship with him. How can I make him love me!!!!! I tell him I'm not going to do anything else for him till he can treat me better, but then I feel bad, or he's nice for one day and I give in. I'm sorry I'm going on and on in circles, I guess I just want to hear from someone who feels the same or can help me, I'm so tired of crying and he's tired of me crying.
KK......Goody has been in your two shoes for some time now. Welcome to what I call "The Meanager Years"!!!!!
I've come to this board just like you for advice for the same issues you are dealing with. I have two girls 13 & 16, and I have to say that these years are by far the most challenging years I have ever had to face. And the best advice I can give you is hold onto your sense of humor if you still have one intact Just today my 16 year old came out of the computer room after creating her virtual SIMS family....she smiled and asked if I needed any help with dinner (two very rare occurrences in this household). I looked at her and asked her how her little family was that she put so much effort into creating....were the teens lipping off at her or causing her sleepless nights etc. I laughed and she laughed with me too. It's a rare occasion that we're able to do this but I relish it as I do all the good things that come in life (which lately seem to be less than I would like).
JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE....it may feel as if you are on another planet but from what I hear in about 5 more years we will be more appreciated once they are on their own and see that it is not as wonderful as they thought it would be paying bills, working a job, having a ton of responsibilities etc. And I also read an article that said the brains of teens are not as large in the memory center....like remembering to be thankful, respectful, selfless etc. So there is hope....we just have to remember that we love them and that they need us to show them the way and that it will come back to us all that we do....in the future. So...hang in there KK and know that you are not alone....Goody
A: He's horomones are going crazy right now. He's getting alot of feelings that's probably confusing and depressing him, discouraging him and then making him anxious and eager. When you're a teenager you're trying to find out "who you are". Lots of things can distract him from this and it makes him frustrated probably. He does love you, he just has too much in his head right now to express it.
B: He's lived with you all his life. Almost every teenager reacts to this one. Think about why most marriages don't work, it's not spontaneous enough. Actually I'm just guessing that, but it makes sense doesn't it? After awhile the two people in love CAN get bored with each other if the relationship isn't going in a healthy direction. That can be applied to parenting, except it generally only applies to the child because the "bond" is a little different. Alot of parents say their life revolves around their children, but the children rarely ever say that. They're not suppose to, children are suppose to branch out from their parents, expanding and creating their own life.
Anyway, my point is that while you can be satisfied with just having him, he needs more. Think about when you were a teenager, did you enjoy living under the restraints of your parents? Knowing that there was a big world to explore and you had the power to take it all for your own but your parents wouldn't let you?
Just remember that he does love you. He probably won't express it for awhile, but he does. It's not easy for some teenagers to connect with their parents because, like I said, they're trying to move forward in life. It's even harder for guys to do it because of the "tough front" they have to put up.