Our "in home sitter" has been with us for 4 years...when my first child came along. She comes to our home and works about 10 hrs a day. Actually, the last 2 years either my husband or I come home early and she is able to leave. Ends up at about45 hrs a week. Without going into too much detail, she was great! Our son loved her and she was so creative, interactive, dependable and a great source of info for me as a new Mom.
When number 2 was on her way, we moved from our condo to a 3200 sq ft home. She had been doing light cleaning for an extra 100 as well and to give addtional compensation for the new baby, we bought her a slight used jeep cherokee and gave it to her as a "company car". She did not have a regular car and we paid for all expences minus gas for personal use.
I lost our baby..horrible...became preg again and a year later came the baby.
Of course, we did not take back money or car...perk for that 12 months between. Too much work to clean and 2 little ones. said just to clean downstairs...mostly kitchen and bath.
Currently she will not clean, will not even clean up after them, has started making comments about house not being clean, boys not being raised correctly (in subtle comments). I took a 2 week vacation after a six month 10 hr day travel blitz from work and she continuously would bring the little ones to me regardless of what I was doing and then would quietly slip away.
So....for close to 3 years she has been a gift, a blessing. I am home 3 days a week and I can not keep this "game" up. My kids are safe. Clean, full, happy, but I get cutting comments, additional stress and no relaxation.
We love her. She seems to be having a tough time at home. Yes, she works for us...but she cares for my children!!!
I know that you love her, but it sounds like you need a new nanny. Everyone gets tired or burnt out at their jobs and that sounds like what she's going through. It's time to have a heart to heart with her (like any boss) and let her know the problems you are having and exactly what her responsibilities are to be. If she cannot follow them, she will no longer have a job.
Oh wow! It seems odd that she has been great all of this time, and now she has been acting differently. I would discuss it with her and tell her that you will need to let her go if this doesn't stop, and if she doesn't fulfill the duties you are paying her for.
A year and a half ago, I worked as a "nanny" 45 hours a week. I worked about 9 hours a day 5 days a week taking care of a 2 yo. I drove 15 miles to their house every morning, and 15 miles home every night. I was only paid 90 a week (it was all they could afford at the time), but I did full cleaning, as well as watching the little girl. I did that for a year, then I had to find other work because I really needed to be making a little more.
It sounds like you are VERY generous to this person caring for your children, you deserve to get what you are paying for.
I agree that it sounds like you have treated her very well and she has been more than compensated for her work and dedication towards your children. That said, she seems to have some problem with you and instead of hashing it out, is passive-aggressively giving little clues. I do this sometimes too, thankfully Im grown enough to know this does nothing but damage relationships. I guess it could also be burn-out, but she has had a good thing going, its hard to imagine getting burnt out with all the perks of her job, but it can happen, I guess.
Kind of reminded me of a falling-out I had with my neighbors. I became good friends with them, and our children played together, especially our 2-3 year olds. Their son was horrible to my daughter. He hit her, threw things at her, and was just awful. He cussed-screamed at everyone and that included his parents, and he would walk into my house when I wasnt even home (walking or something, I had to lock up). The whole block thought he was awful, he ran loose alot, destroyed property and screamed nonstop. The mother complained non-stop about him, and I could clearly see things they were doing to perpetuate his behavior, but I never said anything. Figured it was their kid, and they would probably get mad over me having advice/criticisms. It got worse and worse and I ended up HATING these people. They never knew how mad I was at them, as I tried to simply handle things by limiting my exposure to all of them, and that meant the kids couldnt play together or anything.
Had I spoken up about how I Felt about their child and how he destroyed my property, and was a general nuisance, maybe we coudl have come to an agreement. But I didnt. I just got more and more angry and in the end, they just thought i was a big old witch for no reason (because I never SAID anything). Your sitter seems to have some sort of problem, but isnt speaking up (except in little nit-picky ways). Maybe you shoudl ask her. At the very least, tell her you are concerned about burn-out. It would be great for everyone if she would just open up. Then you could either resolve things, or decide for sure whether or not this will work. IT would be tons better than how I handled my situation, that is for sure!!!!