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Old 02-11-2005, 09:18 AM   #1
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Behaivor Problems with 11 yr old

Hi

I have an 11 yr old boy, who started middle school (6th grade) this year. He has been not doing work and lying about it. We are also having problems with attitude ( arguing, sassing, etc.). Is this normal at this age and what is the best way to handle?
PS - He has always been an honor roll student and he is still scoring A's on all tests, but because he is not doing the daily work he is receiving anywhere from a B- to D+'s in the classes. Any suggestions?

 
Old 02-11-2005, 06:44 PM   #2
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Sucha HB User
Re: Behaivor Problems with 11 yr old

I think its pretty common around this age to some degree. My step daughter is pretty much the same way, not doing her homework, lying to get out of it, getting mostly Cs and Ds, because of her homework problems, they bring her grade down.
She also argues with everything we say just about...moody and basically acts like we make her life miserable.
I remember when I was in 5th and 6th grade I was about the same. I think I finally woke up in 8th grade...
Anyone else going through the same??

 
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Old 02-12-2005, 08:09 AM   #3
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Re: Behaivor Problems with 11 yr old

I am REALLY hoping this is a stage for this age. I have an 11 year old son who isn't lying, but the attitude, mouth, and laziness is about to drive me crazy! He has always been such a good kid, but this past few months things are starting to change. He has the worst attitude. He thinks no one likes him and everyone is out to get him. His graded have really slipped. Getting him to do his homework is such a battle. He is still working on it at bedtime, when it was just a small amount of work that he should have had done hours before. He complaines about all of his teachers and when I agree with them (which is most of the time), he gets upset with me and say's I am always on their side. He has never been one that I have had to disipline alot, usually talking to him does the trick, but now when I try talking to him, he alway's starts crying and I feel like I am the worst mom. I just hope this doesn't go on for much longer. When I ask him to do some little something around the house, you would think that I had asked him to clean every room from top to bottom. I don't have any advise, because everything I do doesn't seem to work, but let me know if you figure out something that works!

 
Old 02-13-2005, 04:15 AM   #4
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Re: Behaivor Problems with 11 yr old

We consider ourselves pretty lucky: my son, who is now 12 years and 3 months old, still has a pretty good attitude most of the time although the flashes of pre-teen rebellion are becoming more frequent. He generally does his schoolwork without too much prodding but often doesn't put in more than the bare minimum effort when he's capable of so much more. As for house work, he can be pretty lazy. What seems to work best in his case are rewards and/or depriving him of things that matter to him. We try to include him in these decisions: What do you think you're capable of? What reward would be appropriate if you achieve it? We think you screwed up; what do you think we should do about it (for example, how many hours will the video games be locked up)? So far this approach seems to be fairly effective in our case.

 
Old 02-20-2005, 09:20 PM   #5
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Re: Behaivor Problems with 11 yr old

i have an 11 year old son too who is doing the same thing. Everything it seems is in slow motion for him! he just sort of drags his feet and stolls along... like in his own la la land, hard to concentrate. starting to assert himself more, backtalking. Wanting to defy me and won't back down. grades have been a problem, but when we grounded him off tv. video games etc, until grade came up, it worked. when we stopped watching they slipped again. my sister has the same problem with her 11 year old. Its like you have to hold their hand to do anything, yet 6th grade they are expected to be completely responsible for their work etc.
I also notice big socializing going on with friends. everyone says this is normal age. Also heard this is age that boys get their first "boner" in school and don't know what it is . its pre puberty

 
Old 02-22-2005, 05:18 AM   #6
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Wink Re: Behaivor Problems with 11 yr old

hi. my son jack is a complete nightmare at the moment. He use to be such a
sweet loving boy, but since starting middle school everything has changed.
he answers back, completely moody and on several occassions has swore
at me. At the moment l feel like lam shouting all the time and it gets me no
where, so he has been spending a lot of time in his room. When he wants to be good he is great, but it takes only one small thing and he is off on one again.can you help me kathy

 
Old 02-23-2005, 06:31 AM   #7
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Lightbulb Re: Behaivor Problems with 11 yr old

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshinekathy
hi. my son jack is a complete nightmare at the moment. He use to be such a
sweet loving boy, but since starting middle school everything has changed.
he answers back, completely moody and on several occassions has swore
at me. At the moment l feel like lam shouting all the time and it gets me no
where, so he has been spending a lot of time in his room. When he wants to be good he is great, but it takes only one small thing and he is off on one again.can you help me kathy

Hi Kathy
I have just decided that everyone is having the same problem and we need to ride it out. It seems to be the age. I am just giving my son the support he seems to need and a little extra attention and praise when he does something good no matter how small. I am giving him a few more resposibilities around the house. It seems as though he is at the age where he wants to be grown-up but he still wants to be treated like a kid. I don't know if this helps but it's not just you, we are all having this problem.
Tracey

 
Old 02-23-2005, 07:58 AM   #8
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Re: Behaivor Problems with 11 yr old

Hi Tracey and other moms

YES....You are now living my life of what I exactly went through when my son entered Jr.High - he went from a straight A student, no problem child to someone else - It was a battle everyday, not just getting him to school, doing things around the house, and HIS GRADES...OMG my dreams of him giong to College starting getting smaller and smaller...

I also posted on the thread Hating your Kid - yes, there were times I hated him and cried alot because of how I felt and how he made me feel. I never let him know that I hated him, I stayed on top of him, told him I loved him, he was growing and with growing and entering puberty changes were taking place not only with friends, school, but within himself - I worked with him, fought with him, but always told him I love him and wanted the best for him.

I would even make his lunches (he has never liked school lunch) and put cute little sticky notes with smiles, words of encouragement, short notes that would not embrass him - HE actully like the notes and would tell me so.....

I also would speak to his couselor in school regarding his attitude and grades
I was told over and over it was normal. Frankly though, I wouldn't accept it nor did I really like his "male" couselor during his middle school years.

Also, I told some of his teachers who I too felt in some ways were failing him as the student he could be - what happened to NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND?
I told them, look you only have my son for one year of school, he's mind son and I have him for the rest of my life - As his parent I would do anything and everything to better him and educate him and not tolorate this crap or attitude - It was a fight well fought.

He's 16 now and a Jr.in High School and is doing very well - Keep at it moms, it's exhuasting but it's well worth it in the long run.....

 
Old 02-23-2005, 09:24 AM   #9
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Re: Behaivor Problems with 11 yr old

GirlHarley, your post makes me think I wrote it... I said the exact same thing - NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND? Yeah right, my 11 yr daughter is being left behind as we speak. I called and called and called her school (it's public) and complained to them that her grades are poor and her homework is taking all night to do. She is failing tests and getting bad grades and last year, we really feared her being held back. Finally they agreed to test her, well, she tested just fine according to them. However, her math and comprehension was tested out at a 4th grade, 2nd month level - that is NOT ACCEPTABLE! They refuse to offer any other help than Title 1 which SUCKS. She's been in since 1st grade and it hasn't helped her yet. I am so at my wits end with both her and the school that I don't know what to do.

She has a HORRIBLE attitude about her schoolwork, screws up her daily work all the time causing her to get the D's and F's. I give her lectures 3-4x a week - some yelling some very calm and collected. Neither have gotten through. We've taken all her priviledges away, movies, video games, phonecalls, overnight trips to friends or cousins, all of it - nothing changes. And her attitude in general is very poor. She is moody and anwers all questions with a smart-alleck response. You can't ask her anything without getting attitude from her. I am so tired of it I can't even explain. She lies, and I'm talking about well though out lies not spur of the moment lies, skips class (when we know about it) and makes up songs about people that contain words that shouldn't be used by children in grade school - then lies about their meaning to try and conceal it.

I was a troubled teenager but through it all, I maintained an excellent grade average and participated in all the sports my school offered - because I was afraid of my fun being taken away if I got less than a C. That happened once - I got a D in science in 6th grade and was grounded for the entire quarter from anything not school or sports related. I never did that again. I just don't get her behavior. The teachers don't care, the counselors don't care and I feel like I am beating my head against a wall. She doesn't get that what she does now will forever be reflected in her portfolio. That it's going to even harder than it is now to get a good job paying equally as well. That horrible things can happen to kids who have an attitude about life that is so poor. I don't want a perfect angel but damn, how about a little effort and respect?!?!?!?!?

Sorry for the looooong post, I needed to vent. I am glad that others have this problem but unfortunately, it doesn't make my work at home any easier.....

 
Old 02-23-2005, 10:15 AM   #10
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Behaivor Problems with 11 yr old

pixsie - Vent All You want - We parents who care so much for our children only want the best for them, to teach them right from wrong, educate them so they too can become successful adults....

There were times, I had no one to talk to to understand. My sisters have been blessed with wonderful daughters who didn't give them "attitude" and all graduated with high honors - and here's me - with your typical teenager with all the attitude, stupid baggy pants with his undies showing, OH...OH....he's great a remembering RAP Songs, even writes some of his own music - but he can't remember to do his Homework, Clean his Room, yada yada yada...

Hang tough, Be Strong, remember your focus is to have a Happy Child turn into a beautiful woman or man some day - which I truly beleive they all will if we hang in there, guide them even when we think they are not listening, and never give up (too easy to do that).

My favorite saying to my son "was" and well continues to be
YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE.....

 
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