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Old 02-16-2005, 04:40 AM   #1
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are all nearly 5's nearly 13

My daughter has so much attitude she is driving me crazy, she is grown up for her age and if she is in a good mood will get up make her cereal, run and have a bath, tidy her room all without being asked or told all in one day, then its as if her goodness has worn out and she will argue and be rude and scream, that is the worse one screaming because she knows it upsets me and winds me up. Sometimes its like she is premenstrual with the way she speaks to us ie I was at work she had been rude all day and most of the evening so was in her room she stood by the door laughing at her dad, when asked what she was laughing at she replied you, your a joke. What do you do with a child who stands there and says stop antagonising me you are getting on my nerves she will be 5 in march, and as i said with her mood swings its like she is premenstrual.Any advice or has any one else got a teenage 5 year old

 
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Old 04-09-2005, 12:50 AM   #2
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Re: are all nearly 5's nearly 13

First of all, I have a problem with a 5 year old having attitude and trying to dictate a household. Maybe I'm from the old school but my mom would have beat my a$$ if I had talked back to her let alone raised my voice. Your daughter is 5 not 25. Give me a break! How are you letting a 5 year old down right disrespect you in your home? What bills are she paying?

You better stop this behavior now because if she is doing this at 5. It will continue and at 15 she will be tearing up your household, telling you what to do and having you in tears. If you demand respect, she is not going to give it to you. If you don't stop it now you will hear this later---"How are you going to try to discipline me at 15 you should have done when I was a kid I am almost grown? You can't try to discipline me now." this is what I heard as from juveniles deliquents to their mothers when I worked as a juvenile probation officer.

How can a 5 year old get you wound up? My mom (even with the grandkids) when they start attempting to argue back..her reply is I am not going to argue with an 11 year old. I have said what I said and I mean it. Then they know if they push the button...my mom will come out a swinging this includes belts, shoes, sticks, wooden spoons, hangers, ect..whatever is near and close by. Watch Out!!! Heck, my 21 year old brother tried to buck up to my mom and got hit in the back of the head with a room.

For a 5 year old to say I get on her nerves, the only nerve I'd be on is the one attached to her behind. As for your husband...ya'll need to be on the same page when it comes to discipline. Double time.

 
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Old 04-09-2005, 07:52 AM   #3
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Re: are all nearly 5's nearly 13

Quote:
Originally Posted by queenbluebee
First of all, I have a problem with a 5 year old having attitude and trying to dictate a household. Maybe I'm from the old school but my mom would have beat my a$$ if I had talked back to her let alone raised my voice. Your daughter is 5 not 25. Give me a break! How are you letting a 5 year old down right disrespect you in your home? What bills are she paying?

You better stop this behavior now because if she is doing this at 5. It will continue and at 15 she will be tearing up your household, telling you what to do and having you in tears. If you demand respect, she is not going to give it to you. If you don't stop it now you will hear this later---"How are you going to try to discipline me at 15 you should have done when I was a kid I am almost grown? You can't try to discipline me now." this is what I heard as from juveniles deliquents to their mothers when I worked as a juvenile probation officer.

How can a 5 year old get you wound up? My mom (even with the grandkids) when they start attempting to argue back..her reply is I am not going to argue with an 11 year old. I have said what I said and I mean it. Then they know if they push the button...my mom will come out a swinging this includes belts, shoes, sticks, wooden spoons, hangers, ect..whatever is near and close by. Watch Out!!! Heck, my 21 year old brother tried to buck up to my mom and got hit in the back of the head with a room.

For a 5 year old to say I get on her nerves, the only nerve I'd be on is the one attached to her behind. As for your husband...ya'll need to be on the same page when it comes to discipline. Double time.

While I do think she needs to stop this now, I don't think violence is the answer. What are you teaching you children by making them scared that you're going to come swinging something at them?? You teaching them that it's ok to hit someone smaller then you because you must demand respect. My DH slapped my DD on the arm (not even hard) for slapping him in the face (she's only 14mo), I freaked! How can you teach her not to hit, by hitting her?? It just doesn't make sence. Why do you want your children to be afraid of you? You should work WITH you child, not against them. It's not a battle, though sometimes it might seem that way.

That being said, I think the most important thing is not to let your daughter get a rise out of you. Just because you bigger doesn't mean you're better, or more important, but I does mean you're wiser, and realize you're not going to fight with a 5yo. So punish her, whatever you decide (go to her room, no T.V., whatever) she that she does it and drop it. Don't let her get to you, don't let her see a reaction. Keep a I'm not going to take your crap additude, and that's that. Once she sees that her behavior isn't getting a rise out of you, and she's getting punished for it EVERYTIME, she'll get bored, and realize it's not worth it.

 
Old 04-09-2005, 09:26 PM   #4
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Re: are all nearly 5's nearly 13

Worried Mommy,

Please don't equate general spankings to beatings or outright violence. There is a difference. I don't condone beatings or violence but spanking YES. We all have different views on discipline. I just grew up with a no nonsense mom that took action to get behavior corrected. Looking back and some of the things that I did--I deserved it. Trust me it didn't kill me and I think it made me a better adult. Because my mom stopped us from having disrespecting mouths we are adults who are respect today --to each other, elders, ect...

Trust me my mother gets MUCH RESPECT because she demanded it when we were a family of 7 kids. Yes, she would discuss with it but if we chose not to listen to the discussions and the behavior continued a spanking was coming your way. I don't see anything wrong with kids having a little fear in them from their parents in restrospect on if they get into trouble they know that their are consequences.

You are on the new age BS on parenting. I'm sorry if I prefer respect from a 5 year old better yet any child that I am raising. Maybe that is what is wrong with kids today. As parents we constantly prefer to "reason with", "discuss", "ground", and "take away" things with our kids. Come on...if parents took actions we woudn't have 1/2 the issues that we have today. She has a 5 year old who is running her household. It already seems that "talking" isn't doing much at all. Apparently "talking" to her 5 year old is going in one ear in out the other. Sometimes as a parent you have to do what you have to do.

As a mother you have to assert your authority..if it is demonstrating you are bigger, badder, and better...then do it. Her size doesn't matter if she has the mouth and attitude of an adult. I still stand firm in ---You better stop this behavior now because if she is doing this at 5. It will continue and at 15 she will be tearing up your household, telling you what to do and having you in tears.

So when youre daugher starts hitting you inthe face, biting, and spiting..Let's see how much conversation you'll be having before you give her a little swat on the backside and I no-no added to it. When your daughter turns 5 and is constantly mouthing off? Are you going to reason with her? Trust me what ever happened to parenting where you are the adult and the child is the child. In this situation it appears the reverse.

 
Old 04-10-2005, 07:04 AM   #5
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Re: are all nearly 5's nearly 13

"Then they know if they push the button...my mom will come out a swinging this includes belts, shoes, sticks, wooden spoons, hangers, ect..whatever is near and close by. Watch Out!!! "

That doesn't seem like a little swat on the backside to me. And that is what I was reffering to.

I never said to reason with her,your right, she's 5yo, you shouldn't have to reason with her. You the Mother and she's the child, I just feel you can establish this without hitting her. If she is having an additude, tell her I'm not going to have you talk to me this way, punish her and drop it. If you get angry and frustrated, you're giving her exactly what she wants.

"So when youre daugher starts hitting you inthe face, biting, and spiting..Let's see how much conversation you'll be having before you give her a little swat on the backside and I no-no added to it. When your daughter turns 5 and is constantly mouthing off? Are you going to reason with her? Trust me what ever happened to parenting where you are the adult and the child is the child. In this situation it appears the reverse."

If my daughter did this, no I wouldn't sit down and have a conversation about it, I never said I would, but I wouldn't hit her for it. How can you teach someone not to hit by hitting them??

 
Old 04-12-2005, 01:42 AM   #6
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Re: are all nearly 5's nearly 13

[QUOTE=worried_mommy How can you teach someone not to hit by hitting them??[/QUOTE]

"Spare the rod and spoil the child."

My parents believed that spankings were good for many purposes: the obvious purpose of punishment and behavior correction, but also to build character, to maintain order in the household ("maintenance" spankings to remind me "who's boss" as he would put it), and to mark milestones. It kept me focused and behaved.

 
Old 04-12-2005, 01:47 AM   #7
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Re: are all nearly 5's nearly 13

"If my daughter did this, no I wouldn't sit down and have a conversation about it, I never said I would, but I wouldn't hit her for it."

P.S. Inform me how you are going to handle this situation.

 
Old 04-12-2005, 11:56 AM   #8
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Re: are all nearly 5's nearly 13

The exact way I have proposed in my previous posts. Tell her "NO, HITTING" and punish her, give her a time-out etc.

The ONLY time I feel a little smack is warranted, is when a child is doing something to endanger themselves or another and the is no time for another action. Just for an example, the only child I have ever hit was my 3yo cousin when I was babysitting, I came into the room to find her dragging the cat across the floor by his fur, so I smacked her on the arm and she let him go. In that case I just wanted her to let go of the cat before she hurt him further, or he turned on her.

I have never had behavioral problems with the children I looked after. If they did something wrong they were sent to their room for (not the 3yo, just the older children) 10 minutes, any mouthing off for it got them 20 minutes, if the didn't turn and walk straight to their room, it was 30 mins. I never back down, and never give in, but I never hit them, or let them get to me. I had very few problem with them, because they knew I meant bussiness, without ever laying a hand on them.

I truely believe that she can stop her daughters additude without brute force.

 
Old 04-12-2005, 12:10 PM   #9
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Re: are all nearly 5's nearly 13

I think the little five year old needs an attitude adjustment.

Spanking without force at this tender age may be needed if "she" thinks she has the upper hand on mom & dad.

5 minute time outs is a MUST when the child has crossed the line with mom and dads rules. Laughing at dad at the age of 5 and commenting dad's a joke is unaccepable. That calls for a HUGH punishment, 5 minute corner, straight up, face in corner, hands down by side. TV taken away for a couple of hours, sitting on bed to RETHINK her actions, apolozing, and knowing why she is sorry, not just saying the words.

Keeping a chart on the good behavoir and rewards to follow.

I was beaten as a child, I didn't turn out bad - angry but not bad. I don't advocate spanking, but sometimes alittle spanking can go a long way for the right reasons. I didn't spank my son alot, but when he needed it he got it.
As well as time outs, sitting on bed to rethink his bad attitude or disrespect towards me, he isn't traumatized by my little spankings he got over it and he also got over his attitude problems and disrepect and has good manners.

 
Old 04-12-2005, 03:07 PM   #10
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Re: are all nearly 5's nearly 13

OK well she doesnt care if she gets smacked, so its a waste of time, and she far from rules the roost, it is her attitude that is a problem, she is not completely wild.
I have recently sent her to her room every time she has an attitude & once she says sorry she can come out but i tell her i dont want to talk to you, so you do what your doing.
It has worked to a point, I have also started threatening to take her t.v and that stops her attitude in its tracks. unfortunately i know this will only work so long and i will end up taking the t.v.
My husband and i are totally together with how we run our house.

 
Old 04-12-2005, 04:58 PM   #11
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Re: are all nearly 5's nearly 13

You're daughter "could" be rebelling with the other going on in her life.
Read your other post, she could be blaming you for keeping her away from her father. It's not easy for a 5 year old to express her true emotions when she can't figure them out herself...

I wouldn't talk negative of her father - but I too would keep him away from her or find a way for the two of you to "get along" for those supervised visits.
If that is impossble to do - maintaining a friendly but not friends relationship with your daughters father then I would recommend some form of counselling for all of you.

.... but children have a way of sensing negative vibes from parents and at that age - they don't know how to communicate it back to you, except for the attitude she is giving you....She's got your attention - it's up to you to choose which approach you can embrace it....

 
Old 04-13-2005, 01:45 AM   #12
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Re: are all nearly 5's nearly 13

Ok..layla ---It's her attitude.

Well I agree with taking the thing from her room start with the TV, next start with toys, if she wants to see a particular movie don't let her go that weekend if her behavior was bad, no going over to a friends, things that she enjoys. Having my 4th graders miss 10 minutes of a 30 minute recess literally kills them as sit on the sidewalk they watch the other kids play. Staying in during their art /PE specials for missed homework, ect is another way I get their attention.

As a mother I spank but as an educator I can't. With some kids we have contracts basically giving of rewards for good behavior. Some children I contracts are for being good for 3 days in a row with a small reward like an eraser, dusting/wiping the chalkboard. I've also found that giving compliments when they do have good behavior helps--or saying "Wow we had such a great day yesterday what happened?"

I don't know if you are the main one that is dealing with this because I've found that sometimes I'd ignore my mom because she was the main one to discipline so "it wasn't a big deal" versus if my dad told me my behavior stopped immediately.

 
Old 04-13-2005, 12:12 PM   #13
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Re: are all nearly 5's nearly 13

I used to smack her but i found it makes her worse, it also winds me up so i dont smack anymore, since i started to threaten to take her things, and grounding her it has worked, she stops dead in her tracks. I did not expect to have to discipline her this way at such a young age, i also didn't expect her to be so cheeky so young, I am the main person to discipline and it is hard for the hubby coz its him mainly she targets, over the last few weeks he is the one that is sending her to her room etc, just to try to instill a bit of respect for him into her. And i must say it has worked,
The problem with her is she is to smart for her own good, and she gets bored easily.
She has just started her new school and is already 2 years ahead, so i do think boredom and frustration is a big part of it.
Especially since the last few days has been like having my old child back.
I have many a time in fact back to when she was two saying "i am not arguing with a 2 3 4 and now 5 year old" And i manage to sort it out and a few months later she is pushing the line yet again.
As i said smacking doesn't work it just creates a hell of alot of noise, and i feel it doesn't teach her about resolving problems, it teaches her to hit when she doesn't like what someone is saying or doing, I have bought her up to be independant, and i suppose that is a mistake i made, she has her own opinions and will voice them, i just want her to voice them nicely without having a major stress attack.
What i am doing at the moment is working, i just know it wont last long.

 
Old 04-13-2005, 12:21 PM   #14
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Re: are all nearly 5's nearly 13

Girl harley-
I would have said it myself but that thing with her biological has only just happened, this has been going on for months (check the date of the posts)
And as for keeping her away from him, i really have no choice, he has walkked in and out of her life for 5 years, now he has told me he doesn't want supervised and he has not answered his phone since, so there is not much i can do other than keep her from any further disruption. Her bio has only been seeing her 6 months consec after a year or more out of her life. my baby says what she thinks and doesn't hold back this is the problem with her at the mo, but as i also said what i am doing at the mo seems to be working. I have been the only strong figure in her life for discipline so the last 2 years have been a bit weird for, but thats no reason to be so aggressive, i don't mind her having an opinion as long as she doesnt shout and scream it at me, or anybody else.

 
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