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Old 02-16-2005, 07:22 AM   #1
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curious1979 HB User
Thumbs down Need parenting advice, quick

HI all!! I have a daughter that will be 3 at the end of March. She was such a great baby. She did go through the "terriable 2's" whining a whole lot. Recently, she has been a terror. She doesn't want to go to bed at night, doesn't want to take a nap. She has been yelling at hubby and I and also her grandparents. She folds her arms and stomps her feet. Hits the walls, kicks..you name is. I have put her in time out in her room and in the corner, I have even spanked her bottom ( I HATE doing that) and sat her down to talk about it. Nothing seems to work...for very long. She always says," I'm sorry mommy" then does it again 10 min later. She constantly screams that she misses everyone and does not like to be left by herself. (the only time she is by herself is in time out.) I am 7 months pregnant and I want to "nip it in the bud" before baby #2 gets here. I am tired of yelling at her. I feel like such a bad mom....Please help. Any suggestions?

Laura

 
Old 02-16-2005, 09:52 AM   #2
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Re: Need parenting advice, quick

It actually sounds to me like you are somewhat getting to her, but just need to keep it up. I say (as hard as it is) don't yell at her. She has already let you know that she hates to be alone during time out...well, there's your key. If she hates it so much and you keep doing it to punish her, it's eventually going to work. But you have to do it EVERY SINGLE TIME she gets into trouble. Tell her calmly what she has done wrong and that she will be having a time out because of it. Then take her to the SAME PLACE everytime and maybe even get a timer and tell her how long she will be there. Try not to spank as it is just going to upset her more and violence isn't going to help her and will only upset you as well for doing it.

Every time she yells at one of you ask her to calmly tell her what the problem is. If she cannot do it without yelling, then explain that she cannot yell and give her another time out. Kids are going to trhow tantrums and that's fine, but she also needs to learn to treat you with respect.

As for naps...maybe she's going through a phase where she doesn't want them. Tell her that she needs to stay in her room and cannot come out until mommy says so. She can play quietly and look at books, but this is her rest time. Going back to the fact that she doesn't like to be alone....well, she's going to need to learn to be alone as you cannot be by her side 24/7 until she is grown. At her age she should be able to handle a decent amount of alone time without throwing a fit.

Good luck!!

 
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Old 02-16-2005, 10:59 AM   #3
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Re: Need parenting advice, quick

I agree... some kids just like to challenge athority, and as long as you are consistant, you'll eventually get through. My mom said I was the exact same way. It took her til I was 5 or 6 to curb my defiance and strong will. You sound like you're doing everything you need to do! The hardest thing to learn is there is no "magic bullet" cure for strong willed kids, despite what the "experts" would have you believe.

I heard a FABULOUS piece of advice from a well known child psycologist when it comes to strong willed kids. It was "Choose your battles wisely, compromise when possible. Decide which hills are worth dying on. Then if you must go to war, win EVERY TIME." This has been a life saver for me with my stubborn little one. I think before I even tell him no or give him an order that I know he's not going to like "Is this something worth fighting about?" If the answer is yes, I hold my ground and never give into him.
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Old 02-16-2005, 12:34 PM   #4
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curious1979 HB User
Re: Need parenting advice, quick

Thank you for the advice. This is my first child, so I am somewhat new to this. My parents used to spank me, that is why I don't want to spank my children. Bad memories. I just want her to be good and listen. Ha! If it were only that simple. I will keep to what I am doing and hopefully she will catch on. Thanks again!

Laura

 
Old 02-16-2005, 06:39 PM   #5
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Re: Need parenting advice, quick

For naps you could try a nap nook. Get a large box and cut it like a little play house, put some blankets in there and have her sleep or relax there for nap time.

 
Old 02-16-2005, 07:15 PM   #6
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Re: Need parenting advice, quick

My children are 4,3,3. I had this issue a little bit with my first twin. There are a few things to take into consideration. You can try to sit her down in between you and her daddy and turn the tv off and have an "adult" conversation with her and explain that there will be no more spanking and if she misbehaves she will be put in the corner and a timer will be set...make sure she knows the words you are using...such as what misbehave means. She may just say ok and have no idea what your talking about. The only time I spank is when one of my kids could endanger the other or themselves such as outlets or running towards a moving car....rare but happens. I found with my stubborn daughter that you have to be more "adult" towards her...lots of love and hugs and kisses. She may be acting out because she knows a new baby is coming...Here's a big one....watch the tv shows she watches. There are good cartoons out there but they have not so good views for children, they misunderstand them and act them out to their parents...I had to stop a few cartoons that they really liked. Another thing you can look for is her diet...what is she eating? Does she have too much sugar that is making her have high ups and low downs? Little kids bodies can't handle alot of processed sugar such as juices, cookies, candies, any soda. A rather large amount of children have food allergies and this chemically triggers their brain to over act. Then in return the child acts out. Things that are good are peanuts, apples, raisens anything that takes a while to desolve in their body. So there are alot of things you can try. Corners work IF they know the real reason they are in there. I always question mine before and after they are being punished and half of the time they will go to the corner and have no clue why they are in there. You do have to nip this in the bud...now is the time to make her your "helper" or "big girl" and let her help you in the kitchen cooking and give her a few more things that she can help do like unload the dishwasher.....teach her to be responsible so when the new baby comes it will be HER baby and she will want to help because that's what she learned. My children all get along great. I did this when my son was very young. I have to say I have great kids but it is a learning process. You'll do great...patience and lots of deep breathing. They are new to this world so it's all a big scary place and they are only trying to cope with all the new things around them. Good luck and post anytime or even just to vent.

 
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