once again my 12 yr old is driving me nuts!!! i have 1 older teen and 2 younger kids who NEVER EVER behave like she does and i don't know what to do for punishment anymore!!! everytime she is asked to do something it is always followed with a sigh or a whatever or when she gets in trouble she makes a sighing sound and then proceeds to try and get the last complaint in. when i ask her to do her room she says ok mom holy stop bugging me already!!! and ive only asked her the 1 time, then she doesnt do it and i remind her and get the same response. when she is asked something she always follows it with a do i have to or sighs and rolls her eyes! the other kids say ok mom and never question me again. im sick of the last word she always has to get in or the tutting sound she makes or the i dont care responses!! do i just let her outgrow it or how do i punish, btw grounding does NOTHING! she also is a huge tattle tale and complains that nothing in her life is fair.
Hi! I have just read someones post that they sent me on my thread "Is It O.k To Hate Your Kid" Well, I have copied and pasted it I hope it makes you feel as good as I do!
Hi aerdna, you and your daughter both have my sympathy! When my now 24 year old was 15, I always wondered what kind of relationship we would have 10 years from then. I couldn't begin to think that we would even have one! She was the meanest, most hateful, selfish, self-centered teenager you've ever met! We could not look at each other without it turning into a screaming match. If there was a way to ruin anything for the rest of the family, she would find a way to do it.
I finally had to decide for myself that I was not going to let this interfere with the rest of the family. I had 3 younger kids to think about, so if we had to take a family portrait without the whole family, we did it. Same for family celebrations, Holidays, etc. It was a horrible, stressful time for all of us, her included.
That period lasted about 2 1/2 years but it felt like forever. I know now that alot of her problems and her attitudes towards me were mainly because of her own insecurities, and because of the general difficulties of being a teen ager in todays world. I think it's a whole lot harder for them now than it was for us, their parents, growing up.
I stuck to my guns about things that were important, like curfews, schoolwork, and anything relating to her safety. Mainly, I learned to pick my battles.
We survived. Today, we have lunch and movie dates, we hug and tell each other that we love each other, she is a very caring, compassionate, intelligent, and indepent young woman. I could not have told you then that this is how we would wind up, I couldn't have imagined it!
Hang in there. It's ok to hate them sometimes, just try to never let her see that! Let her know that no matter what, you love her and are there for her if she needs you and will always be. Even at her awfulest, tell her that you love her, she needs to hear and believe that more than you know.
I can understand what you are going through with your 12 year old, because I am going through similar situation with my 11 year old. My daughter is not disrespectful in front of my face of course, but with others it is another story. She was a sweet and well-behaved child growing up until about 8. I have been having problems with her talking in virtually all her classes. She is such a social bug that her grades are dropping and the teachers are always complaining that she talks way too much and constantly has to get moved. She does not take school seriously at all. I have tried to motivate her in anyway possible. I have put her in sports to help her vent her frustration and express herself. I have placed her in dance classes to build her self-esteem. I have taken her to various museums and encourage her to read and had her to a summer journal essay book to enhance her writing skills. It seems that everything I do, she just do it and donít get any self-fulfillment.
She thinks that I am a strict parent, because I donít allow her to do things that her cousins and friends do such as: getting fake nails, wearing certain clothing, sleep-over, and such.
I have tried everything from taking away privileges to weekend studying. It seems that nothing works anymore. She seems that she looks forward to groundings and just takes it very lightly. I consulted with my friends with kids her age, but I am not sure if they are being honest with me about their kids. My friends claim their kids donít give them those problems and makes A & Bís. I thought about taking her to counseling for the lies, not taking school serious, and chatting too much in class. Whatís a concern mother to do? BTW- She is the only child so gets all my attention.
I too have an only child age 12 (almost 13 )and it's so bad with her right now i truly can't see it getting worst .She is just so nasty to me (yes only me not her father or friends ),no punishment means anything to her .She is so stubborn (and definatly has a stronger will than me ).She is a straight a/b student that the teachers love ("we wish there where more students like her ").This is the same girl that told me not to come pick up a friend to go to the mall be cause she was embaressed of me becuse i'm fat and have no taste in clothes....both of witch are not true but I have always battled with my weight .She tells me she hates me daily ..and all i've ever done is love and try to give here a great happy life .It's not the only child thing either becuse she love s being an only child . Yesterday I told here she was going to have to start helping of more around the house and she had a total fit (put her foot into the wall )..........she's very carefull about what she says to me around her father/my husband (he's a very tall big guy that worships the ground I walk on ... easily the sweetest man I've ever met). But she's even starting to slip up about that ....we're looking in to family counceling to try to get some help (and at $70/half hour it better work ).......yeah i too am at my wits end .