Re: i am at my wits end!!!
Hi! I have just read someones post that they sent me on my thread "Is It O.k To Hate Your Kid" Well, I have copied and pasted it I hope it makes you feel as good as I do!
Hi aerdna, you and your daughter both have my sympathy! When my now 24 year old was 15, I always wondered what kind of relationship we would have 10 years from then. I couldn't begin to think that we would even have one! She was the meanest, most hateful, selfish, self-centered teenager you've ever met! We could not look at each other without it turning into a screaming match. If there was a way to ruin anything for the rest of the family, she would find a way to do it.
I finally had to decide for myself that I was not going to let this interfere with the rest of the family. I had 3 younger kids to think about, so if we had to take a family portrait without the whole family, we did it. Same for family celebrations, Holidays, etc. It was a horrible, stressful time for all of us, her included.
That period lasted about 2 1/2 years but it felt like forever. I know now that alot of her problems and her attitudes towards me were mainly because of her own insecurities, and because of the general difficulties of being a teen ager in todays world. I think it's a whole lot harder for them now than it was for us, their parents, growing up.
I stuck to my guns about things that were important, like curfews, schoolwork, and anything relating to her safety. Mainly, I learned to pick my battles.
We survived. Today, we have lunch and movie dates, we hug and tell each other that we love each other, she is a very caring, compassionate, intelligent, and indepent young woman. I could not have told you then that this is how we would wind up, I couldn't have imagined it!
Hang in there. It's ok to hate them sometimes, just try to never let her see that! Let her know that no matter what, you love her and are there for her if she needs you and will always be. Even at her awfulest, tell her that you love her, she needs to hear and believe that more than you know.
Been there, done that!