Hi um.. i dont know if this is the right place to put this but.. it concerns children so.. maybe this is the place..
I have a 2 and a half year old, i luv him to bitssssssssss more than i could ever imagion, hes my world.. he wasnt planned but ive always luved children and was so happy to find out that i was pregnant, i wasnt in a relationship but was friends with my sons father.. so that was ok, i figured, im a solo mum and bradens dad visits once a week and pays child support, works well for the most part..
thing is.. im 24 now and i want more children, i always had this picture in my head of how id like my kids close in age and stuff, i recently fell pregnant again to a different man, still not in a relationship, the pregnancy was etopic.. ive always been sumwhat Not careful about contraception simply b'cos i want kids, but wen i got pregnant this last time, although i badly wanted my baby i felt a little bad that my kids would have different dads..
see, i dont want a man,i dont want a relationship, ive never really been in one and i have no desire to be in one but i want children.. is this unfair to my children? will i screw them up by not having a male role modal for them? or should i just be in a relationship with someone that i dont luv, so that i can have more kids?
my family all think im strange and im starting to feel like a freak b'cos everyone else seems to want sumone and i dont..
I'm glad I read this post...I don't know what to tell you because I feel the exact same way...I'd be VERY interested to find out what people's responses are. I'm currently living with the father of my son, but am anxious to give him the boot in June when out lease is up. I got pregnant again in Dec, because I too would love to have another baby...but I miscarried, and toy with the idea of trying for another one before he goes....I know it sounds terrible, and not very honest...but I know what I want for myself and for my son...
Hope SOMEONE has some insite on this...VERY interesting post!!! Thanks!!!
um, my opinion is this: the best thing any kid could have is a pair of loving parents. that said, i personally don't feel that both parents have to be together for the kids to be happy, kids just need to feel wanted, accepted and loved. on the other side of that, being a parent, and a married one at that, i am often grateful to have another adult in the house! good luck to both of you...
This is a very interesting and, I think, important thread. I'm not a single mom but I do believe this: when you find the right partner you will know it with all your heart. To settle for less is no favour, to you or your children. I found that out the hard way. There are many women who raise beautiful healthy children on their own. The job is certainly harder than when you can share the burden with a loving partner. But there is a heavy price for settling for a partner you truly do not love. Even respect and friendship are no substitute for a truly loving relationship. I like to believe there's a relationship like that waiting for everyone, but I'm not sure there's any guarantee you'll find it. I did, but it was about 20 years too late .
You are still very young you still may find someone who you love and who loves you and your children. Until then enjoy your children, they certainly know how much you love them and thats all that matters.
I certainly agree that having someone around to help me would be the best option...but staying with the one I'm with now is not the best compared to doing it alone. There's too much yelling and fighting...that can't help with my son's sense of security to let it continue to go on. I don't want to meet someone else down the road and end up having the same problems.
I think it would be best for us if the 2 of us were alone...but I'd love for my son to have a sibling. He can learn so much more and experience so much more with one than without.
I started this thread in 2005 and i am just wondering IM1Here weather or not your situation and opinion has changed in the last 2 years?? Not sure if your still on the boards but if you are, id like to hear from you
I know how you feel about your increased want of kids, but not wanting to be in a relationship. I struggled with this a long time. Even though now i found a great man and am now starting a family, i do understand.
The kids having seperate fathers is one thing, having a good male rolemodel is another (real father or not). Its the connection kids need the most. Love and acceptance by both sex's. You dont have to be married to the rolemodel, being good friends and/or being on neutral territory is good as well.
In my opinion, stayin in a relationship for the sake of a kid, even if you dont love him, is harmful to yourself AND your kids. They learn from you, by example. If they sense uneasyness, they will be uneasy too, etc.
In your heart you will do the right thing for you and your kids. Just never stop loving them
Last edited by KittenPaws; 03-06-2007 at 08:49 AM.
Reason: LOL just noticed the thread was started in 2005, im stil strong in my views though, just slow today LMAO
I was a single parent for 12 years, raising my son alone.My son never got to know his birth father because he was a very abusive man and it was not safe to allow him near my child or myself. I am now married to a wonderful man who treats my son just as he does his own and they have respect for each other both ways. And my son is thrilled to have a full family now, and a man in his life.
However, and funny this post was here, my son recently did a school paper. The project was to write to yourself in the future. I always proof his work for him and as a result learned the following.
My son did not like growing up without his Dad. He understands why he had to, but in his paper he explains that he will go to him someday for answers.
I have caused grief in him do to the poor choices I made. My story ending up with a happy ending, but when we make choices as adults, we have to realize it does effect our children in some way. Yes you can raise great kids on your own, as a single parent, but it is not easy and we have to think about them as well.
I don't know if my experiences helps, but take time to think about yoursituation long and hard before you make a final decision.