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Old 03-07-2005, 03:28 PM   #1
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Please help, 18 year old needs an adult/parent perspective

Earlier on today, my mum found 4 condoms which had been given to us by my college, in my bag. She went absolutely mental at me, telling me i was a w***e (i'm a virgin and have a boyfriend of 9 months), that she was ashamed of me, and wished she'd had a son, she feels like a failure of a mother because i've turned out so bad (i know i'm not, i get decent grades at college, have many friends (although, ive been in private education from age 5 to 16 and now im at a sixth form state college so she doesnt like any of my friends because theire from 'common' backgrounds) ectect) She also said that if i slept with my boyfriend (somehow or another she would find out according to her) she would not grant me ANY university fees for when i go. Thing is, i really love my boyfriend, and my parents REALLY dislike him. I have been thinking about sleeping with him for a long time, i'm on the contraceptive patch (they do know about this, i dont like to be deceptive with them) and i really would love to share the amazing experience with him. They judge people by their class and how much money they have, and just because we are a very well off family, not in london, and my boyfriend lives with his dad in london, that automatically means we are destined for failure in my parents eyes. are they being fair? i dont know if this is in the right section, but i really need a parents POV. Thank you for listening xxxx

 
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Old 03-07-2005, 04:53 PM   #2
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Re: Please help, 18 year old needs an adult/parent perspective

aww i feel for you.. you sound responcible to me!! If your mother doesnt believe that you got the condoms from school, perhaps she could ring the school and find out? (just to put her mind at rest) i know its a horrible feeling to think she doesnt trust your judgment and it sounds as if she spoke sum very harsh words but sometimes parents do get the wrong end of the stick, sumtimes its b'cos they just worry so much, i mean, im sure its not new to you, the things that can come about from being sexually active, parents worry about these things and some just dont know how to handle it, the name calling and threat to cut of any help towards your fees, these are possibley scare tactics to make u "rethink".. if your parents are truley judgmental of pple that come from a less financial background, then my opinion is that that is extreamly unfair but there is probably little you can do to change there minds.. could there be another reason you parents dont like your bf? generally parents want what they consider, the best for their children, there does however come a point where, you, as an adult need to make your own decsions and or mistakes, its a part of growing up, you are still young you have heaps of time, and if your bf is a keeper he will be with you weather you deside to have sex or not, perhaps to keep things ok with your parents you could wait a bit longer, you have after all been together for 9 months without having sex, so, whats a few more? i like that saying that blood is thicker than water.. bf's can come and go although i know this is not ur intention and you probably think its for a life time, sometimes things dont work out, and its then that you need family.. hope this helps in some way.. good luck to you

 
Old 03-08-2005, 09:28 AM   #3
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Re: Please help, 18 year old needs an adult/parent perspective

my parents have only really met my bf properly about twice, for a very short time. My mum has NEVER properly engaged in conversation with him, he tried, but my mum walked off. Another thing....(remember i'm 18, not 12) she won't let him in my bedroom. full stop. i could understand if he was allowed in and the door to be left open at all times (my friends who are in relationships are allowed to do this) but my mum won't allow him even upstairs! can parents with teenagers justify this at all? What bothers me is that i've spent most of today in tears worrying about how to pay for uni fees. I won't be able to get a large loan as my parents earn quite a lot. My mum also corrected herself when i asked her if she really mean that and she said: 'only if you sleep with 'that thing', i will not pay for your uni fees, if you don't i will help towards them' Is it fair of her to decide this kind of decision for me?? i understand parents care for their children a LOT and don't like seeing them making mistakes...surely you have to make mistakes once in a while, i'm not saying i feel i would if i slept with my bf....im also an only child which doesn't help. I really wish she could have approached the subject a lot more calmly...she didnt need to shout as much....also, after all this, does anyone think i should go behind my parents back and sleep with him? because i am 100% sure i want to....and i have told him that....so whats stopping us....my parents.....its a very lame excuse. do any parents agree with mine? if so why...and if anyone fancies giving some advice as to how to go about things...much appriciated xxx

 
Old 03-08-2005, 10:23 AM   #4
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Re: Please help, 18 year old needs an adult/parent perspective

hi again, my mum wouldnt allow guys in my room either, while i was living under her roof there were certain rules, that was one of them.. at the time i thought it was completly irrational and unfair, but i tell you what, now, i agree with her.. u say you are wondering weather or not to go behind her back.. remember, if you do, and she does find out, there goes your uni fees, is it worth it?

 
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