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Old 03-09-2005, 11:27 AM   #1
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inappropriate behavior of my 8-year old daughter

Yesterday my 8-year old daughter and some neighborhood friends were playing in the front yard of the neighbors with barbie dolls. A parent said that she saw my girl putting two dolls together like having oral sex. When
questioned by the parent(why did you do that ? (or) Where did you learn that ?) my daughter told them that I(I'm her dad) told her that she would have to know how to do stuff like that for when she gets married.
I can only imagine that she is getting a full dose of this crap at school.
I(her dad) have never touched either one of my daughters. Now I'm affraid
that I'll look like the neighborhood molester cuz of what she said.
Now what's funny is that my wife and I just had a long talk with her the other night about not trying to kiss anybody(dad,mom,friends) with her tongue out and pressed against someone's cheek....I'm sure she picked that up from school or tv. So right after this talk she does this inappropriate act(see above)......She is in school right now, my wife and I are trying to figure out a way to handle the situation and nip it while we can , but at the same time try and educate her on some things.

Where do we start ??? We haven't had to travel down this road yet.
Also, how do I protect my own face in the neighborhood now that she has
said that about me(her dad).



Thank you in advance for your advice

 
Old 03-09-2005, 11:50 AM   #2
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Re: inappropriate behavior of my 8-year old daughter

I remember when I was little I told my little friends that my "mom humped my brother"...I just thought the word was funny but had no idea what the word meant. My mom just happend to walk up behind me and heard and beat my butt! As far as your daugter I would take her to a counslor who deals with young children. I think it would benefit you since she did say such a thing about you. You will look like a caring parent took the appropriate steps instead of "keeping the lie in the family" I would have your wife get two barbies and ask her what she did with them and then ask her where she seen it from. If she continues to say YOU told her then you may have to ask her "why she is saying that?" Did she have a dream? Do you monitor your television? Is there a chance she ever seen you and your wife being intimate together? I think your wife should talk to her alone first to confirm the story and then if she sticks by it then you ask her why she is saying that. Make sure she knows that she is not in trouble and "sex" isn't a bad word. There should be counselors in her school that may be able to have a meeting with her and then involve you both. She probably has no idea what she is even saying. My friends daughter said the F word the other day and she had no idea what it meant so she asked and she is 8 also. They are learing and now is the time to mold her properly so she has a good "sexual relationship" when she is married and not to make her think it's bad and naughty. Good luck.

 
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Old 03-09-2005, 09:10 PM   #3
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Re: inappropriate behavior of my 8-year old daughter

Its really scary what kids learn at school these days. I would be mortified if my daughter told a parent that I said that. She really needs to be talked to by a counselor if she isn't listening to you or your wife. You could get into trouble with her saying things like that and she shouldn't even be thinking about sexual acts at such a young age because that interest turns into curiosity and then she could begin having sex too early. I hope you get this problem resolved, best of luck to you!

 
Old 03-10-2005, 07:41 AM   #4
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Re: inappropriate behavior of my 8-year old daughter

sd21, I can see why you are concerned. When I was reading about her holding the Barbies in a "69" position, I was thinking "Okay, not a big deal". But what she said about needing to know that before marriage scared me. The fact that she knows how to "French Kiss" at age 8 alarms me, too. Maybe I'm naive but I really don't think my kids learned those things at that age from school or the TV. What worries me is that perhaps she has been abused without your knowing it. The suggestion to see a counselor is, in my opinion, a good one. It may turn out to be nothing, but as the cliche goes, better safe than sorry.

Last edited by index.html; 03-10-2005 at 07:42 AM.

 
Old 03-10-2005, 08:25 AM   #5
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Re: inappropriate behavior of my 8-year old daughter

My 8 year old niece is being taught sex education already at school, they are also teaching them about abortion now, A couple of 7 year olds were discussing lapdancers in the class, because so and so's mum is one, you would be suprised to hear what goes on in the classroom, I question the kids constantly about school, maybe you should meet with the school if you think that is where it is coming from, just to find out the classroom banter and if they can help you.

 
Old 03-13-2005, 06:43 AM   #6
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Re: inappropriate behavior of my 8-year old daughter

I totally agree with index here that the things she has stated really sound suspisciouly like someone has actually told them to her.when you stated that she said something like she would have to know how to do this later,well I got a shiver up my spine as this type of phrasing is what alot of pedaphiles will tell their victims to try and rationalize what they are doing.I really do feel that you need to follow up on this.one thing i want to mention to you when questioning a child about any sort of possible sexual abuse?do not ask leading questions,you know questions that she can 'agree with"In otherwords, don't PUT the ideas in her head but phrase your questions in a less direct way.Trust me, i have had three years of experience in dealing with sexual assault victims.and trying to glean any real info from young children was always the most difficult to do.I would call her doc and ask her what you really need to do here first.I think (in my opinion)you should also call the sexual assault services i your county and ask them some advice on how to go about this the right way.Every county has some sort of an advocacy service for SA and will usually be listed in the first couple of pages of your phone book.You can remain annonymous and ask them questions.they have all the info you will need and can advise you on how things are done in your couny and state.This is a super program to just obtain the proper knowledge on any type of possible or actual assault.I really DO feel very strongly that this needs immediate attention to find out just who she has been talking with.Good luck and please keep us posted.Marcia

 
Old 03-13-2005, 07:43 AM   #7
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Re: inappropriate behavior of my 8-year old daughter

If your daughters comments were heard by myself or my husband we would have place a call to child protective services in your area as we are mandated reporters. I suggest you take your daughters red flag comments as a warning someone,somewhere is behaving in a manner that suggest abuse. If you are not the abuser you need to contact a lawyer as soon as possible to protect your rights. Although even if you are not the abuser you are in my opinion just as guilty for not seeking care for your daughter. Your daughter quoted a common line spoken by a abuser not something she would hear in school and as far as TV shows goes her comment is not common to most TV shows unless she is watching shows you should not be allowing her to see. Please take her seriously. Any parent seeing or hearing your daughter will be sure to gossip about what happen and there are alot of mandated reporters out there.

 
Old 03-13-2005, 12:35 PM   #8
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Re: inappropriate behavior of my 8-year old daughter

I have to agree that it does sound like she's been exposed to this somewhere other than school or TV. As a victim of mild sexual abuse myself around the age of 4 and 5, I remember having unnatural sexual interests at a young age. Not that kids don't have a natural level of interest and curiosity, but there is a "red flag" level. And of course, she is probably getting education at school, from friends, and TV, and possibly applying that knowledge to her experiences. I never told my parents about these incidents when I was a child. I felt guilty for years that I'd been a willing participant, and my perp was a young teen, and a family member. I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want to cause strife in the family and grief for my parents and other much loved family members involved. I'm sure to this day noone has ANY idea that ever took place, and they always trusted this person completely. So don't think "No, we don't know anyone who would do something like that" because take it from my experience, you never know for sure.

I think she told them you told her that because it seemed like a safer answer when confronted. She probably figured that if she projected it onto you, that if her Daddy had told her that, that it was more "okay." I don't know if that makes any sense or not to you, but it does to me. I don't know how to tell you to question her. You may need to get some advice on that. But by all means, try to get to the bottom of this, both for her sake and yours.

What does her mother say?
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Old 03-16-2005, 01:17 PM   #9
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Re: inappropriate behavior of my 8-year old daughter

sd21-
it sounds to me like your daughter is definately either being abused, or groomed for abuse by someone she has had contact with. you need to make sure that you are protected, legally, of course, but you also need to find out what the heck is going on.

does your daughter know the difference between the truth and a lie? does she know the proper names for her private parts? does she understand that nobody has the right to touch her in her private areas and that if anyone (besides the doctor) tries to that she should tell them no, and report back to mom&dad or a teacher or auntie or grandparent right away?

i know that she's just a little girl, but these are "interesting" times we live in, kids, whether we like it or not, are being exposed to many things that we may find undesirable and the best possible thing we can do as parents is to not stick our heads in the sand and give our kids the tools they need to keep themselves as safe as they can.

my niece was assaulted when she was about 4 years old by a boy who was only about 5 years old and we didn't realize it until she, in turn, started molesting my son, who was only about 3 years old. it was mostly harmless stuff, an over-interest in genitals, but it was enough to completely freak out the entire family. since then (with some pro guidance) we have implemented the info arsenal i described above. the kids know what and where private parts are, who can touch them and why, and what to do if anyone else tries to touch them. they also know that telling stories about such things is an incredibly serious act with very serious punishment. (they've never told stories about that stuff, so i have no clue what i would do if they did, but they'd be in big trouble and that's all they need to know!)

they're 6 years old now and seem to have forgotten the entire incident, but we go over the (somewhat abbreviated) facts of our bodies every so often, just to keep it fresh. the power to say no is invaluable for kids, because so much of their lives they are in the power of adults.

communication and trust are key to keeping your kids safe, at any age, and if you lack either or both of those things with your child a predator will be certain to take advantage of it. just make sure that when you talk with your daughter about the incident, and where it came from, that you keep your emotions absolutely in check, no anger, no fear, keep it conversational so she can talk to you w/out fear. it sounds like someone did something or showed something to her, you just have to find out who, when and where.

and who knows? maybe it was just another girl with another barbie demonstration who has an older sibling or something. it could be totally harmless, but it's up to you to find out. and when you do, then you can have the neighbors over for a bbq and some beers and tell them all you have learned.

best of luck to you. ali

ps- i don't really think that it was appropriate for the neighbor to have questioned you daughter about the incident, btw, i find it nosy. they shoudl have just reported their concern to you and supervised further play, imo. maybe it was their kid who showed your kid that stuff and she didn't want to rat out her friend, so she blamed you (dad is a fairly bulletproof authority figure to an 8yo) as a lie on the fly. find out!!!

 
Old 03-16-2005, 01:52 PM   #10
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Re: inappropriate behavior of my 8-year old daughter

Now I don't know much about all of this but I have been reading all the post and first off I would like to say that i am sorry that all of this is happining to your family. Second with the age that she is can it not be possable that she is picking up this stuff from one of her friends that maybe being abused or that even have older brothers or sisters that they here talk about this kind of stuff? I have worked in a daycare and I know I have been shocked from some of the stuff I have heard 4 year olds with older kids at home say and have seen other kids repete what those kids have said or done.I may be way off base with this but it is another way of looking at it too.

Good luck and God Bless

Last edited by nascargirl9; 03-16-2005 at 01:52 PM.

 
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