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Old 03-09-2005, 01:29 PM   #1
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Terranne HB User
I can't stand it anymore!

Okay so I have an absolutely wonderful 26 month old son and a colicky, grouchy, nagging 7 month old and I'm at my wits end with her!!!! I feel aweful because I wake up everyday hoping that it'll be different and by the end of the day I'm back to my first conclusion...I should have never ever had another baby, I wish that I hadn't! All she does all day long is ***** and complain...my husband and I have been fighting more over the past 7 months and I resent him for being able to leave everyday and not have to deal with this and I resent my baby because she cries all the time and makes me irritable with my son and my husband...I know that I may have a little of the post-partum "blues" but deep down I know that's not the main problem...I am way out of patience with everything, I just want to crawl in a hole or leave for good...I hate my life the way it is right now and I don't think that I can do this for much longer...I could probably give the baby to someone else and not miss her that's how bad it is...I hate being such a horrible mom and I've tried for the last 7 months to get these feelings out of my head and they won't go away...I know i really haven't asked a question, I guess I'm just venting I don't know.

 
Old 03-09-2005, 02:53 PM   #2
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Re: I can't stand it anymore!

My heart goes out to you. First off let me say that you are not a horrible mom. You sound like a stressed out mother who is suffering from post-partum depression. I honestly think you need to phone your doctor or midwife and see about getting some help. Do you have any family or close friends living near you that could come round and watch the baby for a while to give you a break? Even just a half-hour or an hour on your own in the fresh air would help to clear your mind.

I would also sit down with your husband and tell him how you're feeling. The two of you can tackle these issues together.

Please remember that you are not alone. There are support groups and couselling to help you cope and you can always come to these HealthBoards to vent and chat to others. Please take care and keep in touch.


 
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Old 03-10-2005, 08:29 AM   #3
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layla= HB User
Re: I can't stand it anymore!

You really do sound stressed, maybe you need a little time off from it all, could some one not babysit for the day and you have a day to yourself, I find that helps loads when mine drive me to the point you are.

 
Old 03-10-2005, 09:46 AM   #4
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Re: I can't stand it anymore!

Oooh - I feel so bad for you! I've been there and I know exactly how trapped you're feeling. Is there any way at all that you could get at least half an hour to yourself every day?

I started a policy of having a hot bath all by myself every single day. My husband had to take both kids out of the house and I didn't care if he just took them into the back yard, but I needed at least half an hour all to myself with no-one touching me or screaming.

Honey, I wish I could come personally and help you. It's so much easier to deal with a screaming baby when it's not your own.

 
Old 03-10-2005, 11:20 AM   #5
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Re: I can't stand it anymore!

OMG - you sound just like my neigbor - Are you my neigbor? LOL, only kidding.

You are not a Bad Mom and you would miss your daughter if you chose to give her away You are under alot of stress, no sleep, and carrying for two small children. Lack of sleep will make you not only short temper but no energy, and lose your sanity....

And seriouly, my neigbor IS going thru the SAME thing - she has a 20 month old son who won't allow her to leave his side and a 6 1/2 month girl who also cries ALL THE TIME, she too has been going crazy. Lucky for her, I am currently unemployed so I go over her house, visit with her, help her and we also go shopping together and I help her with either child. I enjoy her company and being with her children - Her little 6 1/2 month girl doesn't cry as much with me - it's got to be the lack of attention but at no fault to my neighbor...Her HANDS are full...(and she has no family near by to help)

IS there ANYONE who can help you? Also, my neighbor met some stay at home moms at her sons's once a week play group, she was introduced to a woman who watches both her children for 4 hours a week for $30.00 - so that my neighbor can catch up on sleep or do errands that she no longer can do before her children were born.....

Have you talked to your doctor about your daughter crying all the time?
Could it be her formula? Is she always hungry? Don't accept everything your doctor tells....If you have already spoke with him or her and they told you she's just colicky - read on it - don't have time? Make Time...It will be worth it in the long run...You need some alone time, some catching up on sleep.
Hand over the kids to your husband on a weekend, get ear plugs, shut the door to your bedroom, lock it and get your rest....
Where there's a will there is a WAY.

 
Old 03-11-2005, 11:03 AM   #6
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Re: I can't stand it anymore!

Terranne, have you considered working part-time outside the home? Seriously, if you're miserable, you all might be better off with a little time apart.

I don't mean this to sound harsh. I just think that you *have* to take care of yourself. If some time apart would help and you can't afford babysitters, then part-time employment might be a okay thing.

 
Old 03-13-2005, 06:28 AM   #7
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Re: I can't stand it anymore!

It's okay take a deep breath and exhale. You need some alone mommy time. Ask someone you trust to keep you children for the day. Take a break every mommy is entitled to one. Go do something for yourself have fun and just relax. Maybe if you have some alone time you can think about away to deal with your baby and make him/her happy not grouchy and in return make you happy and enjoy you mommyhood. GOOD LUCK

 
Old 03-15-2005, 09:40 AM   #8
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Re: I can't stand it anymore!

You are not a bad mother! My second child was more of a fussier, whinier baby than my first (who was a complete angel!) My second child is now 19 months and does not sleep through the night, is grouchy and temperamental, and nothing seems to please him but what he wants. I think it is great that you are stating your feelings. So many times in society, moms are pressured to not feel this way, and you are not allowed to not "like" your children. ANd if you even have the slightest bit of depression, you must get on the latest anti-depressants, just so you can deal with being a mom. Well, sometimes being a mom is hard and tough and you do feel alone, but I think it is marvelous that you are recognizing and voicing how you feel. And it is okay that you feel this way. I stopped punishing myself for thinking I was a bad mom because I was glad when my son went to sleep and wondering when I could put him down for a nap again. As far as the colic, I can not help you there, but for you, express fully to your husband how you feel and tell him you need his help (men like to help and have all the answers) and if you could just have an hour to yourself each day, and you do the same for him when you can start feeling better. Explain post partum depression to him and work through it together. This helped me and my husband. Once he seemed to understand how I was truly feeling, and me not screaming it at him, he has been a wonderful help and he can now recognize when I am getting to my wits end with my son. I hope you can find a support group, or mothers day out or find someone in your church or circle of friends that can give you a break, if your husband can not. To help me get out of my depression, I did something nice for myself. Whether it was buying a chocolate bar and lying on the couch and eating it when the kids are down, to putting on makeup and fixing my hair for no good reason. And belive me, there were times I wouldn;t even shower for a week...I felt like what was the point. You and your husband need to also find, rather quickly, a sitter and have date night. It sounds redundant and cliche, but it helps so much!!!! Please keep us posted on how you are doing, and know that you are not alone, and YOU ARE NORMAL! Being depressed is okay, it is your body's way of healing itself!

 
Old 03-15-2005, 02:34 PM   #9
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Re: I can't stand it anymore!

terranne, there is so much great advice here i really don't have any to add, just maybe a little consolation.

my son was the worst baby in the entire world, cried constantly, breastfed exclusively, demanded constant attention. i could never turn him over to anyone, and my husband was gone all the time, finishing his degree and working full time. when he would come home, there i would be, crying right along with my rotten baby, he would turn right around and head out the door. i had no family or friends for 100 miles and experienced some of what you are going through, but with just one baby, instead of two. when he turned about 7 months, he learned to crawl, the crying didn't stop, but it did become less frequent, when he learned to walk a couple of months later, it was like he was a different baby altogether. suddenly i could take him OUT of the house, i could get out of the house! before, he would cry no matter what or where so we never went anywhere. i was always covered in breastmilk and spitup and stuck with this awful creature that i had given birth to. it was a miserable time, tested the absolute limits of my sanity, patience and marriage. the whole time we thought he was "sensitive" or "colicky" but as it turned out, he's just an independent kid and he was apparently ****** off all the time that he couldn't get his body to work for him.

do not despair! get some help, take a deep breath, or ten deep breaths, and remember that this too, shall pass. i now have the greatest almost six-year-old i could ever wish for, and he was even an easy toddler, most of the time. he's not perfect, mind you, but he is awesome, and even my marriage survived and is thriving.

you have your hands full with double tots hon, but you'll get through this, luckily they don't stay babies forever. you're here, so you obviously care, the hallmark of a good mother, now be good to yourself and call your mother-in-law to come and take care of her grandbabies for a few hours while you go and get a facial, or make your husband take you out for an uninterrupted meal where kids aren't welcome. we went to vegas for the weekend, it was like a miracle!

best of luck to you. keep us posted on how you are doing. ali

 
Old 04-08-2005, 11:33 PM   #10
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queenbluebee HB User
Re: I can't stand it anymore!

Always remember: colic is only temporary!

Have you tried one of those soothing sound machines that plays music or ocean sounds? Maybe even a CD that plays calming sounds will help.

 
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