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Old 03-09-2005, 09:16 PM   #1
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spacing children apart

I was just wondering what a good age would be for a child before trying for another baby? For example I would imagine having kids less than 2 years apart would be very difficult. I have a 13 month old and for some reason I keep wondering when I could handle being pregnant again. I don't want a baby soon because I am only 22 but sometimes I kind of miss being pregnant like it was exciting or something, even though looking back I had a rough and miserable pregnancy. I know many people have their kids 2 years apart but that means you would get pregnant when your child is 15 months old! Just wondering what some opinions are on this subject.

 
Old 03-10-2005, 05:39 AM   #2
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Re: spacing children apart

In my opinion I think it's terrible to have your children to close together. I don't think it's fair to the first child to have to share your attention before they are old enough to understand. That's just my opinion I don't want to offend anyone. I think the odd years are a good rule of thumb. 3 - 5 years apart. Plus It must be really hard on mom to have a 2 year old and a newborn. I have friends who are having a really hard time and I just think that they should not have had their kids so close together. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. My son is 17 months and we are still waiting to have the next one. Stinks because I am 34 and not getting any younger, so I want to have them 3 years apart.

 
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Old 03-10-2005, 05:42 AM   #3
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Re: spacing children apart

Hi Besafe

I didnt purposely space my kids apart. I was on birth control once but found it to be bad in the aspect of I wanted another NOW. LOL We decided if it is ment to be it will happen, so no birth control. I had my daughter July 1991, my first son 1994 (he died at 2 months of age), got pregnant again 1 month after my son die in 1994 (miscarried), had another son in 1996, got pregnant again in 1999 (lost that 1 too), and then had another son in 2004. Now my daughter is 13 yrs, my son is 8 yrs old, and my younger is 7 months old. I think I would prefer to have my kids a bit closer in age but Ill take what I can get. I am not on birth control we are not tring to prevent it again, what happens, happens. I have heard people say that when the kids are closer in age they get along better, is it true, well I think it just depend on the family and the kids ect... My kids get along pretty good, nice thing I found is with the age gap the older one want to help, and I found my older ones arent getting jealous of a new baby.

Hope that helps

Last edited by bren7; 03-10-2005 at 05:44 AM.

 
Old 03-10-2005, 06:30 AM   #4
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Re: spacing children apart

For me personally I think 3-4 years is a nice gap. A friend of mine had her second baby when her first child was only 2 years old and it looked like such hard work. I agree with Rouge that waiting a bit to have the second child means they'll understand a bit more and maybe not be as jealous of the divided attention. My friend's little girl is quite demanding of attention anyway and when little brother came along she got a bit jealous and lashed out a few times. Of course everybody has their own opinions and people often do what works best for them.

Take care everybody!

 
Old 03-10-2005, 07:42 AM   #5
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Re: spacing children apart

Bren7 I am so sorry for the loss of your son and the other miscarriages how hard that must have been! I think that not using birth control is appropriate for someone who has a history of miscarriages ect.. Sounds like your kids are very spaced apart. As the others mentioned I have a sister-in-law that got pregnant with her second child when the first was only 14 months old. Well when her daughter was born the son was 23 months and going through the terrible two's and throwing the worst fits I have ever seen. Plus she was changing two sets of diapers. I thought that looked really hard but some people do it no problem. It would be hard for me to get pregnant again soon and deal with morning sickness and chasing a 13 month around!!!

 
Old 03-10-2005, 09:52 AM   #6
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Re: spacing children apart

I've read somewhere that the odd years are best psychologically. I had mine 5-1/2 years apart and I really thought it was easier that way.

My older one started kindergarten and was so excited about her "new life" that she wasn't bothered when her sister was born two weeks later.

If I'd had a third, I definitely would have done the same thing. They're now 23 and 28 and very close.

 
Old 03-10-2005, 02:46 PM   #7
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Re: spacing children apart

I am spacing mine at least 6 years apart myself. Mostly because I plan on going to school for 4 years and stopping birth control after school is finished and seeing what happens. If we get pregnant again then great! If not then I will start on my career and see what happens from there!

My Aunt has 3 kids one right after the other, she ended up having a nervous break down....Im not kidding. I'm sure it doesn't help that her husband is a jerk and doesn't help around the house or with the kids at all. Just sits on the couch and watchs TV, he figures he works 8 hours a day so he should get to relax at home . Now her kids are teenagers and she is doing MUCH better, they are all great friends and look out for each other. I love seeing how well they get along.

My MIL thinks it SOO cruel the we are spacing our children so far apart. I hear from her all the time that we should have another now. I guess it all comes down to what you think you can handle.

 
Old 03-10-2005, 03:04 PM   #8
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Re: spacing children apart

My .02 -- This may sound cold and heartless, but don't have another.

If your doing fine with the first one, why mess with the dynamics?

Ask yourself WHY DO I WANT ANOTHER? Do you not find the joy with the one? Don't kid yourself into thinking your currently one needs to have a brother or sisther, they will fight until there teens and maybe beyond.

If your thinking, if I have another it will only be half as difficult as the first. FORGET IT, its more like 4-1000x more difficult.

I now have two, which I would give my life for and love beyond words.

I just want people to know it not all roses!

Last edited by tbone106; 03-10-2005 at 03:10 PM.

 
Old 03-10-2005, 03:37 PM   #9
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Re: spacing children apart

Well I have thought about this a lot. Weighed my options. If I stop now I can keep living as I am and I wouldn't have to go through being pregnant again and rasing a newborn.. Basically starting all over again. I could finish school while I am still young. (I am only 22). By the time my son is going to college and I am not legally responsible anymore I would be "free" at 39. On the other hand my son wouldn't have any siblings, I am afraid he would be bored being an only child, I would like a girl, my husband REALLY wants more (I remind him hes not doing all the hard stuff like the woman), and I am sure I would feel more lonely in my old age. Despite the fact that my son has turned my life upside down and I can no longer be selfish I still love him and would do it again. He came at a very inconvenient time for us as I wasn't done with school, I was only 20 when I was pregnant, I was a social butterfly....The list goes on but I never thought seriously he would be my last. I know its not all roses it has been very difficult on me but I think when I am ready and planning for a baby it will be better. I like babies even though they drive me nuts at times. I like to tease my husband and say I am not having anymore kids and I try to act serious when I say it... (I am not serious in my head though). Anyways I guess I am crazy or something

 
Old 03-10-2005, 04:01 PM   #10
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Re: spacing children apart

Quote:
Originally Posted by besafe20
Well I have thought about this a lot. Weighed my options. If I stop now I can keep living as I am and I wouldn't have to go through being pregnant again and rasing a newborn.. Basically starting all over again. I could finish school while I am still young. (I am only 22). By the time my son is going to college and I am not legally responsible anymore I would be "free" at 39. On the other hand my son wouldn't have any siblings, I am afraid he would be bored being an only child, I would like a girl, my husband REALLY wants more (I remind him hes not doing all the hard stuff like the woman), and I am sure I would feel more lonely in my old age. Despite the fact that my son has turned my life upside down and I can no longer be selfish I still love him and would do it again. He came at a very inconvenient time for us as I wasn't done with school, I was only 20 when I was pregnant, I was a social butterfly....The list goes on but I never thought seriously he would be my last. I know its not all roses it has been very difficult on me but I think when I am ready and planning for a baby it will be better. I like babies even though they drive me nuts at times. I like to tease my husband and say I am not having anymore kids and I try to act serious when I say it... (I am not serious in my head though). Anyways I guess I am crazy or something
Having a another kid for your first kid, wrong answer. Lonely when you get old, again, wrong answer -- whats to say you won't be a burden.

We did all the planning, had all the same feelings -- you didn't list any reason why to have another kid. Finish school, let your first one grow up some, then if you like(and I sure you won't once you get back part of your life) have another or adopt..

 
Old 03-10-2005, 04:16 PM   #11
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Re: spacing children apart

Tbone- Do you regret having kids? Do you regret not stopping at one? Does your husband share your point of view? Just seems like you feel everyone would be happier without the burden of children, and I would like to know how it has been for you?

PS: Thats what I have been telling my husband that I need to finish school somehow. When hes in kindergarden I can go back no problem. My husband wants more kids and says thats too long and Dylan needs a friend. He wants to try for another when my son is 2 1/2. He says I should have 3 or 4 kids close together and then go back to school when I am in my early 30's. I don't know if I like that idea.

 
Old 03-11-2005, 04:43 AM   #12
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Re: spacing children apart

You have to do what feels right for you. You are still young and you may decide you want a anothr in a year or 2 or even 10 yrs from now. In my opinion...right now enjoy Dylan, and dont worry about weather you should or shouldnt another now or even soon. It is hard having kids so young, sometimes it seems like you life ended and you'll never get it back, not true. I know its hard having kids young, I was 19 yrs old when I had my first.

You may not being planning on having another 1 now or near future, but fate has a way of giving you what you want and/or need weather you know you want/need it. If that makes any sense.

Last edited by bren7; 03-11-2005 at 04:43 AM.

 
Old 03-11-2005, 05:42 AM   #13
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Re: spacing children apart

Quote:
Originally Posted by besafe20
Tbone- Do you regret having kids? Do you regret not stopping at one? Does your husband share your point of view? Just seems like you feel everyone would be happier without the burden of children, and I would like to know how it has been for you?

PS: Thats what I have been telling my husband that I need to finish school somehow. When hes in kindergarden I can go back no problem. My husband wants more kids and says thats too long and Dylan needs a friend. He wants to try for another when my son is 2 1/2. He says I should have 3 or 4 kids close together and then go back to school when I am in my early 30's. I don't know if I like that idea.

besafe20 -- I'm the husband.... I don't regret having kids, however, I wish I would have known ALL the Challenges facing parents. I'm sure books exists on having kids, but I havenít seen one that says not to have kids.

I'm not saying "EVERYONE" would be better, I think everyone should be well aware of what having kids means. The financial burden is far above what I figured -- I want to insure any kid of my gets a free and clear college education, difficult with one, near impossible with two. Both of us work, between the both of us, giving one kid some quality of time, not to hard, try two with one always being jealous.


I had someone who works for me that wanted kids, had him spend the week-end with us. Guess what, he doesn't want any anymore -- and I don't consider my kids a pain in the ***. They just saw all the medical bills, yes I'm insured, daycare bills, the time it takes to get everyone for dinner and then having dinner that last more then 30mins.

As for college when the kids are in school, good idea if you have time between driving kids from one activity to the next.

My .02 cents, I love my kids. Would I do it again, HARD TO SAY CAUSE I LOVE MY KIDS.

 
Old 03-11-2005, 05:45 AM   #14
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Re: spacing children apart

Quote:
Originally Posted by besafe20
Tbone- Do you regret having kids? Do you regret not stopping at one? Does your husband share your point of view? Just seems like you feel everyone would be happier without the burden of children, and I would like to know how it has been for you?

PS: Thats what I have been telling my husband that I need to finish school somehow. When hes in kindergarden I can go back no problem. My husband wants more kids and says thats too long and Dylan needs a friend. He wants to try for another when my son is 2 1/2. He says I should have 3 or 4 kids close together and then go back to school when I am in my early 30's. I don't know if I like that idea.

Your husband must be the bread winner. How much does he pitch in with the kids? Its really easy if you only spend a few hours a night with them.

Have him take a week off where he is the primary care giver, I'd be interested if he had the same feelings.

I sure hope no one makes a decision based on these discussions, but I feel that since someone took the time to write something down, they must have doubts, and wanted to see what other people thought...

What kills me....You have to wait until 21 to have a beer, you can have a kid anytime......

Last edited by tbone106; 03-11-2005 at 05:46 AM.

 
Old 03-11-2005, 08:36 AM   #15
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Re: spacing children apart

My husband is in dental school. He is thinking about doing oral surgery which is another 4-6 years when he is done with school. He is gone most of the day. When he is here he does everything I do. He feeds, bathes, changes, and plays with my son. It is easier though when he only takes care of my son for a few hours (and I am here) than when I have to watch my son for at least 8 hours straight and I am alone. I used to have 2 part time jobs but it wasn't worth the time or money so I quit. I only worked 3 nights a week anyhow and my son goes to bed at 8:00 so my husband only watched him for 3 hours. To be honest if I was infertile or something it wouldn't really be a big deal to me since I already have one. Some women REALLY are desperate for kids but I would be ok. I guess the only reason I started this post was because whenever I talk about working or going back to school over the next 3 years my husband is always like "we'll have another baby by then." Sometimes it is irritating when he is telling me WHEN we are going to have another child because it isn't hindering anything he wants to do of course, I am the one that can't do what I need to do. I think if I have a baby before I finish I will never finsih school. I have about 3 years left to finish school by the way.

 
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