Ok first time posting here, I'm a little new to this so bare with me.
I will say i'm not the best mom in the world, I don't do the normal things other moms will do. My son is 3 and tries my patience at every moment he can. He fights me with every task I ask him to do. As well as refuses to eat anything I make him, I'm not a great cook so I try to make what I can with my little experience. He constantly whines for things, he annoys his little sister who's 1yrs old. He refuses to attempt potty training, it's a constant battle just trying to get him to sit on his little potty. Anyone know what I could do to try to change his behavior?
well, for potty training we weren't able to train my nephew (who lives here), he wasnt traied until he was 4, and he suddenly wanted to go on the toilet.. and he was a bit of a terror when he was 2, when he came to live here.. but we got him to calm down! YAY!!
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I'm curious, Tatteredmom (like your name, by the way) what you mean by "I don't do the normal things other moms will do".
I have 4 pieces of advice for you. Hopefully, 1 or 2 will help. Ignore what doesn't apply.
First, pick your battles. You don't want to spend the whole day fighting with this kid. Try not to make everything a battle. Decide what is most important to you and let the rest go. Try not to say "no" too often. When you do say it, stick with it, don't back down.
Second, you-two need to have some fun together. Try to make some of those tasks FUN that you are asking him to do. Set the timer and see if you and he together can "beat it" when it's time to pick up. See how fast he can get his bath. See if he can beat that time. Make games out of chores when you can.
Third, try using more positive reinforcement. *REALLY*, really praise him when he does something that you like. Jump up and down, get excited - "WOW! you put away that toy the first time I asked you! YEAH for you! You did a great job; I'm so proud". Young children respond so much better to positive reinforcement than to negative. I was told for every "no, that's not right" that you say, you need to say FOUR "Attaboys!". I think you'll see a tremendous improvement in him if you try this. Have you tried sticker charts? Young kids love those, too.
Fourth, if you have to battle him to make him sit on the potty-chair, I can guarantee you that you aren't going to be able to potty-train him at this point. Put away the potty-chair for a couple of months. If he asks about it, say "no, you're not old enough for that yet." Talk to him about when he's a "big boy" and "gets" to use the potty. Try to make him want to use it. Bring it out when you can make it fun.
Thank you for the information, me and my husband will try putting his potty away for a little bit and see how he does again in a few months.
What I meant by not like other mom's is, atm I'm semi depressed and feel exhausted all the time so I'm not very active with my children...
I try to be, but most days I don't feel like doing anything..
I will try your other suggestions to, by praising him more for things rather then saying No all the time for things he does wrong.
I am not a normal mom either. When my son was 1 month old I developed Rheumatoid Arthritis. Within 3 years my RA advanced to stage IV out of V. Needless to say I developed very rapidly and it made caring for my son a chore, much less doing fun stuff.
As a poster suggested you do need fun time but it really is hard when you are exhausted. What I did was find games that we could play on the bed. The Dollar Store is great for this. There are those fishing games, army men, simple card games, color books...all kinds of things. My son was pretty much an angel but I felt guilty. I think you could use games like this as a reward for being good maybe.
Others will probably disagree but bribing works for me...I am not beneath it! Mine is a chatterbox and at 9 years old I still resort to it when necessary. He hasn't learned to take advantage of it...yet
Embarassed: party of one! I am constantly enraged in public by my 3 yr old son's behavior. He never listens, cries and yells when he doesn't get his way and is just plain unmanageable most of the time. And I feel like I can't discipline him for fear of what others may think. I know boys (or kids period) will be boys but it gets old sometimes. I do fun things with my kids quite regularly and I find myself giving in to his whining even more often. He doesn't listen at home either!
I do agree that you have to pick your battles even though I am not the best at acting on that theory. I think it eventually passes with maturity (I hope LOL) and what's left is still that Momma's Boy bond... which is THE best in the world I have to admit I tell myself that he's only going to be this age once and to cherish it no matter how trying it is - and it is far worse than my daughter ever was.
About the pottytraining, he's definately old enough and will probably be able to manage quite well. Just care a little less about it, take the pressure of him, stop trying to get him to sit on the potty. Even adults hate to do things if they feel they're being forced. Let me see his dad using the toilet. 'Run out' of pullups if you're using them. Let him run around naked from the waist down and put the potty in the living room or wherever he is most. Probably he will pee on the floor a couple times and then he will be trained. When he starts to pee, gently remind 'pee pee pee on the potty' and help him get there if he needs help. If he can't aim well, use something larger. Congratulate him for every small success, never criticize his attempts.
About yourself, if you're depressed, you need to seek professional help. There is no point being exhausted and depressed when there is help available. You owe it to yourself and your children.
hi tattered mom! your son is three years old, it's kinda his job to see what he can get away with. i had the exact set of problems w/ my son at that age. it was a big, fat, battle of wills, all the time!! him vs me. picking your battles is some good advice and that went a loooong way.
also, the potty training thing, forget it. you can't make him go on the potty, but maybe (this is gross, so bear with) a camping trip would pique his interest a bit. my son refused to go on the toilet, but only #2, he would pee in (or around) the toilet all day long. when we took him camping he learned to go 1 and 2 outside and loved it! no idea why, but it worked. granted, he started crapping in my backyard while play camping, but at least it wasn't a giant 4yo poop in the underpants anymore, and i had to scoop after the dog anyway! gross, i know, but it was only a few times, then the novelty wore off, he got used to getting his pants off and not going in them, and now all is how it's supposed to be, in that regard.
as far as food goes, mine was also very finicky, he went almost a year eating mostly mac'n'cheese, hotdogs and cucumbers, with oatmeal for breakfast. now he eats almost anything, especially if he's got chocolate milk (made always with malted ovaltine- has vitamins) to wash it down. but there are tons of ways you can sneak actual nutrition into otherwise useless food, like putting 1/4 cup of wheat germ into the pancake batter, melting cheese over the broccoli, add some bacon to the green beans, and start having conversations about nutrition, how it builds muscles and makes him so smart, he'll come around eventually, don't worry!
you might also try getting him out of the house a bit. my son loved going out for cookies and choco milk at the coffee shop, so whenever he would do what i wanted i would take him out as a reward. but if he started acting up, then i could say somehting to the tune of, "oh, that's too bad you're not eating your lunch, now your muscles aren't going to grow and i can't take you out to starbucks either!" 3yo's don't talk very well, but they understand plenty.
as far as you go, a 3yo and a 1yo would exhaust any woman, sounds like a normal mom to me! get a sitter, getcher hubby, and get out w/out the kids! soon, and regularly. and try to find some time to connect with girlfriends, they'll help keep you sane. check out local playgroups, they are so worth the time, even chitchat with strangers, as long as the kids are occupied, will be good for your state of mind. and who knows? you might make some good friends. best of luck to you. ali