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Old 03-14-2005, 08:14 AM   #1
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Smile teaching other kids manners - is it wrong

My daughter is 6 and is in kindergarten and of course has a best friend. The two of them go to each others houses after school almost every week.
When ever we have Katie over at our house Alyssa and her 5 year old sister go wild Katie has no manners and is very hyper. My girls are usually not like that at all I put a stop to it right after it starts.
When my girls ask for something with out using manners I'll say "how do you politly ask" and they will try again asking properly and the same when Katie asks but she doesnt say "please" or "may I". I will try to get her to ask in a polite way but when she doesnt I let it go because shes not my kid. But I kinda thought that since she under my care I could teach how to use manners. Would that be stepping over her parents line or would it be helpful for them? Also Katie has a habit of running outside and into the street when shes at out house her mother has even complained about her doing that.
She did that once at our house and I made her sit down on the couch and I explained to her what could happen to her and told that when I was her age I was hit by a car and almost died from it. I wanted to kinda disaplin her for that and make her stay on the couch until her mom returned for her but again I really dont know how much I can do with other peoples kids.

Katie is not a bad kid shes very sweet and loving towards my daughters I just hink her mom is too tired to really do too much with her. Her mom is in her 50's and has kids as old and older than me so I just think she burnt out.

Does anyone feel the way I do that when someone elses child is in your care you have the ability to try to teach them right from wrong. Or am I complelety wrong about this and I have no say over what this little girl does at least while shes at my house.
Thanks Robyn

 
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Old 03-14-2005, 10:06 AM   #2
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Re: teaching other kids manners - is it wrong

I think what you are doing is fine. You could explain to her that "this is how we ask for things at our house". As long as you are just suggesting politeness and not demanding it, you're okay. Same with the running-in-the-road thing. When you correct her, you can let her know "while you're at my house, it's my responsibility to keep you safe. These are the rules..." I don't know that you can teach her right from wrong, but I think you can have an influence.

 
Old 03-14-2005, 01:37 PM   #3
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Re: teaching other kids manners - is it wrong

Index is absolutely right. You say to Katie, "at my house we don't do this/whatever" or "when you're at my house I'm responsible for your safety, so you need to let me tell you what to do".

 
Old 03-14-2005, 01:50 PM   #4
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Re: teaching other kids manners - is it wrong

Well thats good that I'm not the only one that feels that when another child is at my house with out the parents there I can control negative bahavior. But its more than just that a couple of the problems I have with Katie are actually parental issues that her mother needs to address and correct. But since my daughter loves her so much and loves playing with her and is an influence on her I feel that when I have her here I can try and mention and maybe talk to her about some of the things that she does that I really dont like.
One thing that Katie does that I really dont like is she always wears skirts or dresses and never wears panties or shorts (I dont understand her moms issue with that) but it really bothers me that she comes over here or is even in school with nothing under her dress and to make it worst she lifts up her dress to show everyone. When she does it at her house her mom just says "oh Kate" and doesnt do anything about it I just act like I didnt notice.
I really just want to tell the kid to wear her underwear.
I know it sounds silly of me to care so much about it but it really bothers me shes 6 and should not be running around without panties or shorts on under her dresses.
And the other big issue I have with her is that she makes fun of another little girl in the class and is mean to her. Alyssa has told me that she wants to be friends with the other girl but Katie is mean to her and says that shes too stupid to be friends with, this kinda bothers Alyssa, I told her to play with her anyway. Katie will say mean things about this girl while at my house I really want to talk to her about being mean to other kids but again dont know if that would be inappropriate.
I love that Alyssa makes friends and has play dates but I just want to try to control the exposure she has to negative influences, and that would mean trying to get all of her friends to act the way I want them too and I know that thats an insane thought.
Honestly if my girls were acting like Katie does I would want another parent to correct their bahavior. I guess I'm just one of those parents that believes that a little outside positive parental guidence is actually a benefit.

Last edited by Im_Robyn; 03-14-2005 at 02:17 PM.

 
Old 03-15-2005, 12:31 PM   #5
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Re: teaching other kids manners - is it wrong

Yes it's wrong, different people have different views on manners. I think that saying please, and may I, and all that stuff is good to do with strangers, but it's way too formal for friends. You should be relaxed around friends which means not having to be proper with them. That's the way I feel, but I still wouldn't tell your kids not to say those things at my house, because they're not my kids. If your daughters friend were Jewish or Muslim would you push your religious beliefs on her? It's no different, really.

 
Old 03-15-2005, 03:10 PM   #6
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Re: teaching other kids manners - is it wrong

Religion isnt even close to what Im talking about. I could care less what this girl believes it doesnt in anyway affect my daughter. I just want to help her with things that could possably influence my daughter and the way she acts while at her friends house.

 
Old 03-15-2005, 07:24 PM   #7
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Re: teaching other kids manners - is it wrong

It's along the same lines. It's like a moral belief in that everyone has their own and should respect that of others.

Also, I totally understand that you feel this girl is a bad influence. I wouldn't forbid her from playing with her, but perhaps you could limit the amount of time she is with her. It seems like you are already encouraging her to find other friends, that is a good step I think. This girl shouldn't be too much of an influence as long as the majority of your daughters time is spent with yourself and other friends.

Last edited by wedge; 03-15-2005 at 07:30 PM.

 
Old 03-16-2005, 06:35 AM   #8
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Re: teaching other kids manners - is it wrong

well.. if she is at ur house, shes supposed to follow ur rules.. its common courtesy... what my mom does, when my nephew has friends come over... teaches him manners that has to happen in our house (like no running, yelling, jumping on any bed,(jumping on bed, cuz they mite be excited.. they play gamecube together) thats really all..) just a little bit of rules that the friend has to follow. (nephew and friend both 5)
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Old 03-16-2005, 08:07 AM   #9
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Re: teaching other kids manners - is it wrong

Re Katie's lack of underwear, why not say something to the teacher if Katie's parents don't seem to care? And you can say to Katie that at your house everyone wears underwear. I'd really take a stand on this one.

My younger daughter at the age of 5 went through a couple of weeks of trying to go without underwear and we had to check her every morning to make sure. She grew up to be a normal person and it's one of those stories we tell to try to embarass her.

 
Old 03-16-2005, 10:24 AM   #10
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Re: teaching other kids manners - is it wrong

I think it's perfectly acceptable to have children who are guests in your home follow the same rules your own children have to follow.
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Old 03-17-2005, 08:22 PM   #11
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Re: teaching other kids manners - is it wrong

I got the pantie thing taken care of, on Tuesday while waiting outside my daughters class room for the teacher to let the kids in Katie lifted up her dress again to show me she wasnt wearing any underwear and even though her mom was standing right next to me I told Katie that if shes wearing a dress she should have panties on so no one sees her tushie. I know it embaressed her mom a little but she acted surprised and told Katie she was going to bring her a pair. And today I had Katie after school and of course she was in a dress and she even showed me her cute new panties that she picked out yesterday and even told me that she will wear her panties every time she wears a dress.
Also she was very well behaived today I found that if I play the games with the girls they seem to much calmer. My daughter asked for a glass of juice politly and then so did Katie and I made a big deal about how polite she was. When her mom came for her she of course asked if Kate was a good girl for me and I told her in that way where you are actually talking to the child that she was excellent and very polite.
And Katie left my house with a big smile on her face. It was really a nice afternoon with her.
I feel good about everything I didnt push how I felt on this little girl and her mother but I did enough that she acted appropriatly while at my house and she had underware on which was awsome.

Wedge, Katie is the only child in Alyssa class that Alyssa has play dates with, Alyssa came into this class in the middle of January from another school so she has had a hard time making friends. And I would never keep her from playing with Katie like you said they absolutly love each other anyway play dates are like once or twice a week for a couple of hours so they really dont spend too much time together.
I have always felt that while at my house my rules are to be followed also that my children dont think that they can act inappropriatly at other peoples houses. The whole thing is really just to help my own children grow into curtious and polite individuals.

Last edited by Im_Robyn; 03-17-2005 at 08:24 PM.

 
Old 03-18-2005, 05:47 PM   #12
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Re: teaching other kids manners - is it wrong

robyn, I didn't say to keep her from playing with katie. I would never advocate that. I said you could limit the time she spends with her, if she's a bad influence. Anyways, I'm glad things are working out for you. It is difficult sometimes when the parents of friends have different parenting styles, but you seem to have it taken care of.

 
Old 03-18-2005, 07:53 PM   #13
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Re: teaching other kids manners - is it wrong

Wedge I know you didnt say to keep the girls from playing I was just agreeing with you that I would continue to allow my daughter to play with her friend for a limited amount of time. Katies not really a bad influence on my daughter surprisingly my daughter has a pretty good sense of who she is and how she is to behave and so she doesnt really follow Katies examples.

 
Old 03-24-2005, 06:19 PM   #14
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Re: teaching other kids manners - is it wrong

My parents tought me as a kid when your done with dinner to scrape your plate, put it in the sink and rinse it. I did this once at a couple different friends houses after dinner and the parents both times told their kids (my friends) "you should take lessons!!"

I've been to other houses where the parents say "oh you can just leave it dont feel like you have to put it in the sink."

It's habit for me still and im 21. Good thing to teach I thought.

 
Old 03-25-2005, 04:27 AM   #15
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Re: teaching other kids manners - is it wrong

Hi there, glad to hear things are working out, but I will add that you have every right to expect manners and rules to be followed while she is in your home. My kids are still babies, but when they do get to the age of bringing home friends, their friends will be expected to be polite and follow my rules while under my roof. I cant see how that is in anyway to do with religion etc as another poster mentioned. Your not getting your bible out and preaching your religion on the little girl. Im also glad to hear she is wearing panties now. I was pretty horrified really when I read that her mother was letting her get around with no panties on I know you cant always watch your children 24 hours a day, but Im sure that when my daughter is that age or any age to where she knows better, that she will ALWAYS have a pair panties on. Anyway glad to hear that things are working out and that your daughter can keep her little friend
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