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Old 05-01-2005, 10:44 AM   #1
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favoritism...

Okay Im 21 years old Im a middle "child" in my family I have a brother who is 22 and a younger sister who is 14. She turns 15 this year. I know this seems petty of me to complain about since I am an adult and pay for all of my own things ect...but

But My 14yr old sibling has the worst favortism case ive ever seen. My parents well mom. Buys her name brand clothing so she's in style for school. When i was my sisters age it was k-mart and shoko brand or anything that we found that fit. Nothiing brand name, no jeans that cost 30 or more no t-shirts or shoes that cost insane prices.

I've had a job since I was 16. My parents told my brother and I when we were old enough to drive it was time to get a job. My brother had a cell phone when he was 16 and paid his own bill any vechicals i have had or he has had we pay for. I have a cell phone I pay my bill. When I started highschool pagers were the thing and I wanted one so bad but was no no no I wasnt allowed. But now my 14yr old sister starts highschool and they say "heres a cellphone we will pay for" And Heres 65 dollar shoes and how about a 30 dollar shirt and 40 dollar pair of jeans....i never had the style my sister has. I've had to buy my own brand name clothes, shoes ect..And i have worked for my money.

I tell my mom about how i feel about this and she says 'well she's only 14 what do you expect.' they have been using that excuse on me for years. she's only this age what do you expect. Next they'll get her a car and say she's only 16 what do you expect. Ugh...it really makes my blood boil that they do this. I've worked my butt of to have a car, cellphone, nice clothes ect and all my sister has to do is be the baby of the family and they hand to her on a gold platter...

I dont think im over reacting i just feel there needs to be a change. I know Im not the parent but im getting married in a year and I havent had my parents help as of yet its been my money so far. Instead of helping they buy my sister a cell phone contract.

 
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Old 05-02-2005, 06:26 AM   #2
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Re: favoritism...

My parents did the same thing to me with my sister. She is 3 years younger and got everything paid for. They paid for her college tuition - I now have $50,000 in loans to pay off. They gave her their hand me down cars - I always had to work to pay for mine. They paid for all of her college supplies, clothes ect.. - I had to work my way through college - she spent her spare time at sorority parties. Grrr I would tell my mom this, but she said that they helped me out also. I am sure they did, but not as much as her.

We are now in our early 30s and have kids and family's of our own, so it doesen't matter anymore. I do remember though.

BTW - I just went out to shop for clothes and going by the prices you mentioned your mom spent - she is buying modest things. I wanted a pair of jeans that fit nice and they were $98.00. I did not even see $30.00 shirts unless they were plain t-shirts, and it seems that shoes start at $65.00 and go up from there. I just went to the normal mall stores that are everywhere, and found the prices for clothes to be outrageous. How does anyone afford this stuff. To buy an outfit it would set you back over $200.00. Does everyone just charge it and go into CC debt??

 
Old 05-02-2005, 10:49 AM   #3
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Re: favoritism...

Ummm, where were you shopping. I usually pay about 25 dollars for jeans, 7-15 dollars for shirts. Clearance racks are awesome! I love clothes but those little mall shops are a rip off! Dept. stores run really great sales and the little shops at the end of the season sell that expensive stuff dirt cheap! My mom is a pro at finding a good deal, and passed on her wisdom.

Ok, also, favoritism is a sad thing. My cousin had to work his way through school, and his sister didnt. I dont get that.Its like they put all their eggs in one basket. I am fortunate to say that my parents treated me and my brother equally. The only thing I could think of is that they have more money now than they had when you were younger. I have 2 kids, and my overall attitude is more laid back with my 2nd, because Im not so stressed about being a mom. But I love the kids equally, and deal with their VERY different personalities in what i hope is a fair matter. What i have noticed is the "favored" child usually doesnt turn out as well. My dad's sister was the only kid that mattered in his family, and she is a disaster. My good friend was deeply upset by the extreme favoritism shown to her younger brother, and (this is really awful) he hung himself.

Sorry I dont have any clear advice. I do know how damaging it can be, but it seems to be more damaging for the favored child.

 
Old 05-02-2005, 03:56 PM   #4
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Re: favoritism...

Brand name being AmericanEagle, Abercrombie,Gap,Old Navy, Forever 21 that line of stuff. The town I live in doesnt have any of these stores so we take a 3hr trip to the "nearest" mall that does carry that stuff. Or order online. Both of which I have done and so has my mom for my sister.

Except when I was her age we wouldnt go on these trips even though kids were wearing that kind of stuff I was still stuck wearing the Northcrest and whatever brand shopko, k-mart,carries for clothes. It was stupid and i felt like I didnt fit in at the time. It wasnt until i had my own job that I was able to buy some tommy hilfiger from the local younkers store and my parents didnt really approve of calvin or tommy because of some things they heard? And they made me return some of it.

And same with the cellphone thing. I wanted a pager so bad when I was her age. My friends had them and so did the other kids in our school it was just as popular as the cell phone is now. So here is the era of cell phones and instead of telling her NO she gets a nice motorola flip phone handed to her.

IT just makes flames run through my veins. Yeah there is some major jealousy because I didnt get that princess treatment from them. Christ I wasnt allowed to have boys over without parents but even when I was allowed to we couldnt be left alone in a room for any duration of time. My sister has her boyfriends sit were her on the couch and her legs get spralled on him and they can show affection. My dad doesnt like me sleeping at my boyfriends cuz hes afraid of sex and we're engaged! But she can be left alone in a room? Or go to their houses were they are alone!

Heres another thing. I wasnt allowed to ride with anyone who had their drivers licenses until I was 16. She is 14 and already has boyfriends and friends who drive and she gets to go with them whenever she pleases! I know this seem childish now even though im older and take care of my own things but i still just cannot stand the fact that they do this for her.

My brother and I were taught when were done eating our plates get scrapped off and put in the sink and rinsed...my sister leaves them wherever. And my mom happily cleans up after her.

My mom is still making her bed and cleaning her room!!! I just hate this. I've told my mom how much i cannot stand how they treat her like such a baby. And all i hear "she's only 14".You know I was once too and I didnt 1/2 as much as this little brat does. Dont get me wrong I love my sister but she's never going to have to do what my brother and I have.

 
Old 05-02-2005, 06:34 PM   #5
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Re: favoritism...

On the bright side: you were given the ability to take care of yourself, and have a good work-ethic. You also have a greater understanding of the value of material items. Those are skills that last a lifetime, and the sibling that is coddled and babied will not go out into the world with that knowledge. They will be in for a rude awakening. I guess in a sense, you gained more in your upbringing. I was always grateful for the fact that my parents made me work, clean up after myself, and didnt buy me whatever I wanted, despite the fact that they COULD have. I had friends that were spoiled, and they struggled as they got older--had never worked, couldnt handle money, couldnt keep house--Im glad I was not spoiled. That is so much more important than having tommy, and a nice car, and a lack of supervision and rules. Your sibling is actually receiving LESS guidance than you did, and in that sense, they are being seriously deprived!

 
Old 05-02-2005, 07:48 PM   #6
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Re: favoritism...

thanks for the positive thoughts hillary. It is true I am somewhat glad i was raised the way I was. I too have friends that are spoiled and havent had to work a day in their whole life. I have friends that are still getting things paid for by their parents, aunts uncles ect. I really look forward to the day I can see some of them face reality and the fact that their parents arent there to hold their hands in the real world.

Until that happens I will have some envy towards my sister. But once she is introduced to it and i see her struggle I will remind her how my brother and I have it "much" worse haha. thanks

 
Old 05-02-2005, 08:02 PM   #7
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Re: favoritism...

It's all materialistic. Do you love your mother and father and sister? So who cares what clothes or name brands you had. I didn't have any of the name brand things either but my gosh I am a great person with a great personality and I seriously don't think that if I had $90 pair of jeans would change that. I have to say that the past is the past and nothing you do is going to change it so quit worrying about something that is so petty and move on with your life. So you sister gets name brand clothes and a cell phone.....so? I don't think either of you are deprieved. Your lucky you have parents and you know what love is and it's not material things. You need to take a few steps back and know what really is worth something.....LOVE and LIFE..that's it.

 
Old 05-03-2005, 02:14 AM   #8
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Re: favoritism...

I had to register because i wanted to post a reply to this. I too have experience favoritism. I know it sucks but then whats the point getting all worked up for?

I am the youngest daughter of a single parent family and my sister is 5 years older than i was. My father favored her over me because she was pretty and i wasn't. He would drop me off at bible studies on the weekends and take her out to lunch with his friends and buy her stuff. He even gave her money to buy a car. His excuse was that she is older and she needs these stuff and that i would get it too when i'm older. Which never happened, I bought my own car i bought my own own stuff. My sister use to pick on me and he would look the other way and say that i have to listen to her because she is older. The last straw was when he met his new girlfriend and threw a birthday party for her and didn't invite me. I know because his girlfriend told me that he told her I was busy and couldn't make it. (which was a lie) I was home when he was getting dress for the party. So I hated all of them.

I'm 22 now and i'm over it. Everything i have i made for myself. My dad invested so much into my sister and she turned out to be the black sheep of the family. I dont expect anything from him and i never will. Our relationship isn't great, but I haven't written him off yet. I made peace with my sister and now we are close.

 
Old 05-03-2005, 09:22 AM   #9
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Wink Re: favoritism...

I have to agree with that last statement.... you have learned the value of money and materials. That was your lessons learned. One that your sister will not learn. So... on the bright side, even though it was tough. YOU come out ahead! Your baby sister will get her rude awakening and you can sit back and enjoy it!

 
Old 05-03-2005, 12:57 PM   #10
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Re: favoritism...

Piranna, sorry to hear this, but not much you can do. I am sure it causes hard feelings. But try to stay positive and know that they did a better job raising you, you will appreciate things more and not take them for granted. You will have a better understanding of living within your means and be less likely to have credit problems. Try to think of it as they were better parents to you, cause they are setting her up for some reality checks in the future. In the real world things aren't handed to you on a silver platter you have to work hard for them. And it sounds like you are well on your way of understanding that. I do think they should have tried to keep things as even as possible. Good luck to you!
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Old 05-03-2005, 02:00 PM   #11
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Re: favoritism...

I have the same issue... my parents never had much money, and still don't, but it's little things that get to me. My brother is 19 and still living at home. It made me so angry to see the things he got away with and never got in trouble for. He's an adult now and they still bail him out at every turn. I was always expected to suffer the consequences of my irresponsibility. I moved out at 19 because I couldn't stand the tight leash my parents were still trying to keep me on. Even though I was expected to be financially independent and responsible for my own actions, I was fighting them to be able to go out and do what I wanted. He lives there and has it made. There was a big blow up over this a couple years ago. It's kind of embarrassing to admit, because I was like, 23 at the time and had my first child. I had moved back in with my parents because my DH had left with the Air Force and I needed the help with my newborn. But I ALWAYS contributed financially when I lived there. As long as I had a job, I was buying groceries and taking care of my own needs, and helping pay the bills. My brother doesn't do any of that. He comes and goes as he pleases and doesn't give them any money for bills unless they ask for it, and then he complains about it, so they don't even ask much anymore. He will also pull all this irresponsible crap like blowing all his money from his job, then not having enough money for gas to get to work. So my parents give him gas money. ????? That makes me SO angry because they would've told me to deal with it. That it was my own fault. So I finally brought it up one night and we had a big argument about it.

On the upside, my brother is self centered and irresponsible because of all this. I on the other hand, like the other posters have mentioned, have a good head on my shoulders and am taking care of my family and finances and keeping a great relationship with my DH 1000 miles from home. I don't need material stuff to be happy, and we get by on what we have. I guess I've just come to look at it as a blessing that they were so much tougher on me because it's made me the responsible adult I am today.
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Last edited by siren1024; 05-03-2005 at 02:02 PM.

 
Old 05-03-2005, 09:48 PM   #12
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Re: favoritism...

Thanks for the wonderful feedback everyone. I'm happy to see others have felt this and had some input to say. As someone mentioned before at least I will come out of this with the true value of things like money, and material things. And I do look forward to the day that she has a rude awakening.

My brother dropped out of school but got his GED he didnt want to stay here with the idea that my parents wouldnt allow him to have g/f's sleep over (understandable) So we has been on his own since. My brother has started his own business and is doing quite well so its not like he was a bad kid and didnt amount to anything. He's doing great. Him and my parents are on good terms and know he moved out for his reasons and what he believes in. He's 23 now.

I feel good about knowing I own everything I buy. And I pay my own bills and this and that. But I guess it's only natural to have some feel of jealousy in a situation like this. Thanks agian!

 
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