Anyone else disappointed in thier kid? - Parenting Issues Message Board

singer1 · 08-01-2005, 06:38 AM

I always thought when I had children that they would turn out just like I wanted. Well, have I had a wake up call! I feel bad because I am disappointed in one of my children. Disappointed in personality. My child is so rebellious on my feelings on everything, my opinions, my guidance etc...I don't know what to do. Anyone else ever feel this way?

Willy Shawn · 08-01-2005, 09:52 PM

I may get disappointed with something one of my children have done, but never disappointed with them.

I'm seeing a double edged sword here..
Could it be that you're disappointed with the behavior, the child senses this, which is why the child is rebellious, which fuels more disappointment and in turn more rebellion?

I would suggest talking with your child and reassuring them of how proud you are of the good behavior. Maybe this praise and reassurance would help knock the edge off the rebelliousness and allow you two to find some common ground.

just my .02 cents worth.

Painyoufeel · 08-02-2005, 04:20 AM

Well, I do not have kids but I can tell you what it is like on the other side. I was a huge tomboy growing up and my mom always wanted a girly girl. She never made it a secret she was disappointed in me and she tried to force me to be what she wanted. She would always tell me that I should be like other girls. My mom never made an effort to accept me for who I was and I never had a close bond with her. Im not saying you would do that to your child, but really kids have their own personalites and I dont think they should be supressed. Unless they are doing something to hurt themselves or others, just try to let them be who they are

~PJ~ · 08-02-2005, 07:31 AM

I don't think that there are many parents who survive parenthood without feeling dissapointed at some point.... after all wasn't my mum dissapointed the 1st time I got caught lying, came home drunk and threw up all over the bathroom, got a poor grade in a class, or even worse and (I remember doing it) telling her that I hated her for not letting me do something I wanted to... I'm sure I have all theese joys to come (my dd is only 6 1/2 months old). And although I'm sure there will be many times I feel dissapointed ,I hope that when my dd grows into a young lady I'll have the same great friendship with her that I have with my own mum who never ever said "I" was a dissapointment only that she was dissapointed with my actions. Good luck

arock · 08-02-2005, 04:53 PM

um, maybe your child is disappointed that you can't ever see his point of view? you're the parent, it's up to you to be the bigger person in the relationship here. your kid is not a little you, sorry. it was tough for me too, at first. i thought i could make my son the kind of kid i could have been with the right guidance, but he's his own person and it's my job to make him the best person HE can be, not the best person i think he should be. warts and all, my dear! so my kid will more likely be chess club president than captain of the football team, so what? as long as he's happy. so he would rather grow up to be a dump truck driver than an astronaut, who cares how he makes his living? as long as he's happily employed. what if he likes boys instead of girls? as long as he finds someone who treats him well! if he'd rather play electric guitar instead of violin? or worse, what if he plays drums??? we'll have to build him a soundproof shed! so what if your child isn't like you? he came from you, there's gotta be something there that you like and respect, there must be something about that kid that even you can admire. his stamina, or his tenacity maybe.

if you try to be more accepting of him, he may learn from your example and be more accepting of you. maybe! worth a try?