five-year-old problems - need advice - Parenting Issues Message Board

danimal15 · 08-02-2005, 12:34 PM

Any thoughts on what to do about a five-year-old boy, who, when taken on a special outing by his mom to the local pool, throws sand at other kids, takes their toys away, throws a popsicle at his mom and laughs, refuses to say hi to people when he's introduced, etc? This was the experience my wife just had with our son. She did take his popsicle away, but I feel she should have taken him straight home when he started behaving badly.

This is pretty typical of how obnoxious he's been lately. We've taken away things he likes (eating ice cream, for example), but it seems to have no effect. We thought we'd ignore his talking back, hoping it's the attention he likes when we respond. Not sure what to do, but getting very frustrated.

Thanks.

danimal15 · 08-02-2005, 01:19 PM

One thing I should add: he seems particularly problematic around my wife. With me, he certainly can be fresh and sometimes acts up, but it's much more prevalent with her. Sometimes she'll put me on the phone with him when he's acting up (I'm usually at work at these times), I'll talk sternly with him, and then he's fine the rest of the day.

arock · 08-02-2005, 04:26 PM

hi danimal. my boy went through some changes when he was five (last year) too. he was in kindergarten and not doing well behaviourally. prone to fits of emotion, and talking back, things like that, and i wasn't there to deal with it. at the time, his father was working 10 hour days, and didn't see him much. my husband, fortunately, was able to change his work schedule so he would be home in the afternoons to spend some time with our son. the difference has been night and day.

if you aren't able to do that, i would suggest finding something special and regular to do with just you and your son. popsicles and ice cream have nothing on dad for being special!

as far as acting out with mom, it sounds like mom needs to learn her style and stand up for herself. the kid is 5 years old, not five months, and she needs to be able to control his behaviour, as she is responsible for it. i got a good technique from my dad, if you are averse to spanking, which has often been quite effective for me. either draw a little circle on a wall and have him keep his nose in that circle for five minutes, or stick his nose in the corner for a few minutes.

that worked for me one day when my son was completely out of control and i was at my wits end. he laughed when i spanked him, threw rocks at my slider when i banished him outside, kicked his bedroom door when i put him in there, yelled during time outs, didn't care at all about the tv or his toys being taken away, but when i put his nose in that corner, and held his head there so he couldn't turn away, that did the trick!

danimal15 · 08-03-2005, 09:19 AM

Thanks for the advice. We might try that method.

I spend more time with my son than most dads, I think. I never work nights or weekends, almost never have to travel for business, and am home for dinner every night. He and I play baseball and board games together, I take him to the playground, we read books, etc. Our two-year old is very energetic, however, and sometimes takes up all of our attention, which might be part of the problem with our five-year old. Hopefully it's just a stage.

Any other advice would be appreciated.

arock · 08-03-2005, 03:29 PM

ooh, a 2yo in the house! well, that's probably the long and the short of it. your son maybe sees what his young sib gets up to and is trying the fit on for size. maybe you and mom could get him alone for a bit and explain to him the difference between the way a 5yo behaves and the way a 2yo behaves. give him extra duties and priviliges exclusive to being a big brother, with special rewards "just for big kids" who know how to behave, and do. best of luck danimal!