17 about to turn 18 - seeking advice - Parenting Issues Message Board

Excess1973 · 08-20-2005, 02:03 PM

Asking for any and all advice.
What to do with my 17 year old, who will be 18 in about a month. She is a substance abuser on pot all day every day when she can get it. Did not finish high school and resistant to going to alternative school. Wnats to just take the GED test. She can't hold a job more than a few weeks, then gets restless, or stoned again, and quits.

What is anyones advice on what I should do. Should I let her stay at home hoping she will get better, do something good, go to college.
or kick her out and let her swim on her own.
Harp on her daily?
Put her in rehab for the last month of her time.
Or just ignore the entire thing and get along?

She has been in treatment, counseling, rehab etc, but this just keeps on persisting.
Thanks

anakalia · 08-20-2005, 09:22 PM

Perhaps it's time to let her go. She won't stop or change until she sees the need. She will probably have to suffer the consequences of her actions before she will change. If she stays with you she will just continue to mooch off you and not do anything to help herself. I know it's hard as a parent to watch your child struggle but there is only so much you can do to help.

Natasha2316 · 08-20-2005, 10:05 PM

You could try giving her the altimatum, tell her either she stops using and gets a job and keeps it, then she can stay living at home... Or she moves out when she is 18 and has to do everything on her own. I know it will be hard, I am just thinking what I would do in that situation, I have family that uses drugs and can't keep jobs etc. and I am not sure what I will do if my kid ever ends up there although by the time she is old enough to get into it, it will be much much more common. I hope it all works for you guys though

Sometimes the tough love is the only thing that will work.

tigger_girl76 · 08-21-2005, 07:27 AM

I think "tough love" is the answer in your case. Your daughter doesn't feel she has to really make any changes in her life because she hasn't hit bottom yet. She knows that you'll be there to catch her, provide a home to live in, food to eat, etc. As long as she has all of this she isn't going to change her life for the better. Just out of curiosity, where is she getting the money for the drugs if she doesn't have a job?

My uncle started using drugs and became an alcoholic when he was still in his teens. His parents constantly gave him chances to straighten himself out but he never did. Finally he was kicked out of the house and everybody turned their backs on him. He later said that was just the push he needed to get some help and sort his life out. He checked into rehab and has been clean for over 20 years now..steady job, happy marriage, own house..he has everything he could want.

In the end this may be what you'll need to do with your daughter. Ignoring her problem won't help anything or anyone. She'll just continue to be aimless through her life and never accomplish anything and I'm sure you want more for her out of life than that.

You take care.

mitpatsmom · 08-21-2005, 08:02 AM

I also think you should ask her to leave, but I'm sure it will be the most-heartbreaking thing you'll ever do.

Is she smoking/growing pot in your house? If so, you could find yourself in some serious trouble if the cops show up at your door. What would that do to you and the others that live there? You could be arrested and any other children in the house could be removed by social services.