14 yr old daughter driving me crazy - Parenting Issues Message Board

liltxn · 08-27-2005, 11:55 AM

Hello and good afternoon. This is my first message, so if I mess up, please be kind. My daughter is a straight A student going into the 10th grade. Relatively speaking, she is wonderful - especially around other people. However, at home she is a royal brat. She has chores, she gets grounded, she has even been spanked upon occasion - not recently, though - and yet she still doesn't seem to "get it." She argues, rolls her eyes, 'forgets' to do things, whines about how her friends all have better lives than she does. My husband (not the father - boy was that marriage a mistake!) gets very frustrated and continually tells me how his daughters were when they were growing up. His kids are grown with kids of their own (he is 19 years older than I am.) Anyway, they get along pretty well when she behaves, but when she is being a brat things don't go so well. I work full time and am taking two business courses at the local college. I really don't need to be stressed out about her when I come home. Any suggestions? Also, I keep seeing parents say they have spyware for their kid's computer - where can I get that?? That would really come in handy. Anyway, any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much and have a wonderul day.

Tim58 · 08-27-2005, 05:34 PM

Hi,

All sounds incredibly familiar - our daughter is 15 going into year 11. OK at school but a big attitude at home and not too keen on homework. Groundings and removal of privileges have worked fairly well. However easily the most effective punishment has been some written work to be completed over a weekend. This has usually been an essay set by my wife. Definitely keeps our daughter out of mischief for a while after.

Tim

DaVinci · 08-28-2005, 06:01 AM

Not only familiar but apparently the standard these days. Believe we should stop looking at teens as "human fungi" to begin with, afterall, were we all that wonderful with our parents? I'm sure most of us could tell a few stories that would make peoples hair stand up..hmm?
It goes back to the fast paced society and all the modern conveniences. But you know that story so I'll try to get to the point(for a change). Ask yourself, how well do I know my teen?what are his/her friends names?what do their parents do?what are his/her favourite songs/group?what is their favourite activity?what are they good at?what do they aspire to be?what's their favourite colour?what's their favourite T.V. show?where are they right now?.....Do you know the answers to all these questions? a couple?
When was the last time you spent "real" time together(and not watching T.V.)? Forget quality time(that's a buzz word that just doesn't cut it), it's about quality and quantity. Do you really blame them if they'd rather spend time with their friends than you?or go on the internet?games?
Some where along the line our teens turned into human slugs with hair and we turned into nagging old f**ts that nobody in their right mind would want to be around. Solution: find out the above answers and more about your teen and reconnect.....before it really is too late.

rouge · 08-28-2005, 08:09 AM

I love what you wrote DaVinci. That is the parent I aspire to be.

Most tech kids can get by parental control spyware. I would keep the computer in a central location in the house. Monitor all use of it. Limit the amount of time on the computer. Check the history and see where your kids have been (Until they figure out how to erase the history).

liltxn · 08-29-2005, 01:34 PM

Thank you all for the posts, I really appreciate it. I can answer all DaVinci's questions - except one. I don't know, nor do I really care, what my daughter's friends' parents do. I am certainly aware of what kind of people they are, but I am not about to start judging whether or not my child can hang out with someone based on their parent's occupation. Anyway, over the weekend I spent quite a bit of time with my daughter - even told her about this message board. Sunday I took her and one of her best friends shopping for 'first day of school clothes.' It was rather interesting watching other kids with their parents. After reading many of the parents woes on this message board, I am convinced I have one of the best kids around. I guess I was just frustrated because she is so good, I wish she wouldn't be such a brat sometimes. Oh well, at least she is my brat. Thanks again for responses. I wish you all a wonderful week.