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Old 01-07-2006, 11:58 PM   #1
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hayley0610 HB User
problem with smoking, what do we do?

my dd just informed me my step son use to smoke! he is 14 and lives with us and visits his mother on weekends. she has been in numerous useless relationships with men that have not the greatest life styles and this last one, with which she broke up with last week, has supposidly ended. anyways when she was with this guy he had 2 kids 14 and 17 who were criminals and losers. but we werent able to say much as her visits are court ordered. my dd came up to me tonight crying telling me she felt she had to let me know what happened. she had found a lighter in his room and when she asked him about it he said he used to smoke but doesnt now pls dont tell on him. then i asked my ds and he said he told him the same thing. i asked how he got them and such and he said his moms boyfriends son. now i smoked when i was 14 and now i know it was dumb and i know this is an expected teen thing its just that i am angry but also at the same time my dh and i are in a disagreement over how we should handle this. he thinks we shouldnt bring it up but monitor it to make sure. this is a non smoking home and we would smell it and the reason we didnt before when he was at his moms is cause she smoked around him. anyways he says if we bring it up he wont feel that he can confide in his siblings and also if he has stopped its something we should just watch closely plus he may be compelled to take this out on his siblings. i feel when he comes home we should tell him, perhaps not punish him with more than a lecture but im not sure. we are extremely "cool" and open parents and dont hold much back around our kids with honesty. i am very upset at 2 things. 1 he always made remarks about how stupid his mom was smoking and that only idiots smoke and tells us stuff all the time and this makes me wonder what other things he is up to and has tried 2 we have had him for 6 yrs now and undid all the damage from when his mom had him and now the only 4 days a month he sees her he takes up smoking!!! it ticks me off that he is around such trash. im not saying he wouldnt have tried it if his mom never saw him i just think the people she chooses to have in her life always seem to have a neg affect on him. what now? btw im asking more for punishment things more than his mom cause theres NOTHING we can do to stop him from seeing her and talkin to her is useless.

 
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Old 01-08-2006, 12:41 AM   #2
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mummy2kaleb HB User
Re: problem with smoking, what do we do?

Hi
This is a hard one.If i was in your shoes i would ring her up and ask her did she know your step son is smoking?
Hopefully if you tell her about this she can try not to incourage it.
It sounds like she is the reason he started and she needs to be dealt with.
I hope she isn't into other drugs because it could fall back on him.

I would also have a chat to your step son and ask him what's going on why has he started smoking.
Like you said you can't stop him but tell him this has to stop now.

Goodluck i hope you can work it out nicely

 
Old 01-08-2006, 01:39 AM   #3
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hayley0610 HB User
Re: problem with smoking, what do we do?

ty for ur advice. like i said talkin to her is pointless she will deny it had anything to do with her, she does punish him and tells him certain things are dumb but still she isnt mom of the year!! either way we are tryin to avoid telling him we know at this time even if i dont agree with that. but as far as ehr she will just say oh and tell him its wrong, we have had so many battles with her we try to pick them carefully now and talking does nothing at all.so anyway i am trying to see if any other parents have found this out with their kid and if so what they did.

 
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