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Old 01-12-2006, 05:18 PM   #1
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Any advice on how to deal with this akward situation?

Hello. I am a mother of a 22 month old and I have recently started watching a 3 month old baby for a couple that lives in our community. The mom is a dental student and the husband is employed as a dental associate. My husband is in dental school and goes to the same same school she does. Our neighborhood is mainly comprised of students. Anyways the first time we met them was when I had expressed interest in watching their son so I could have some extra money since I am a stay at home mom. I could tell they were a little overprotective and really concerned about leaving their baby with someone so my husband and I wanted to be really friendly and everything so they would feel comfortable and stuff.

I watch him everyday from around 7:45 am- 5:00 pm. Last week (the week the job started) they both called me twice a day to check up on him. I thought that would be the case for the first day or two but it has continued into this week. Thats not the issue though. Whenever she has a lunch break she will comeover and nurse him (she usually pumps at school). Yesterday she was over for like 2 hours but at least she brought me lunch which was nice. But I guess that is going to be a continuous thing. The thing that is weird to me and my husband is that her husband has dropped by a couple times too. He will just pop up at my door without even calling and spend time with the baby at my house. He will do it whenever one of his patients cancel or if he has time. I just feel a little uncomfortable about it. I usually have things to do and if they drop by I feel obligated to sit there until they leave. My husband doesn't like the fact that he just drops by when I am home by myself and I feel annoyed by it too. I just think that if I was working mom or a student I would find other things to do than to drive all the way to my sitters house over the lunch break. I don't know what to do exactly. We have gotten very friendly with them and I want them to like me but it is just kind of weird. Do you think I am overreacting? How do I handle this? I do not want to cause hard feelings. I can handle her coming to nurse every now and then but I don't like her husband dropping by every other day.

 
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Old 01-12-2006, 07:04 PM   #2
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Re: Any advice on how to deal with this akward situation?

I think you are SERIOUSLY overreacting. This is a business arrangement where you watch THEIR child in your home. Unless you get the feeling that the husband is not really there to see the baby, then you should let either parent come over any time they want. Would you let someone watch your child if they gave you no access when you wanted to see them? I think not. This is not a puppy, this is their flesh and blood child, for heaven's sake!!

And if you do get the feeling that the husband is more interested in you than the baby, stop keeping the baby and let them find someone else.

Just my opinion...

 
Old 01-12-2006, 09:30 PM   #3
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Re: Any advice on how to deal with this akward situation?

I have no problem with the Dad coming to see his son. I think that is very respectable and I know he just likes to see him. But he lives just around the corner from me and so I think if he comes to see his son during his breaks, shouldn't he take the baby to his house and then drop him off again when he goes back to work? He seriously lives less than a 1 minute walk from my house. I think it looks bad to other neighbors that a man stops by regularly when everyone knows my husband is in school. What would you think if you saw that? Anyway, just wanted to stress that I have no problem with them coming and seeing their son (especially the mom) its just that I feel weird about having a man at my house when my husband is not home, when he could easily take the baby to his house during that time.

 
Old 01-12-2006, 10:05 PM   #4
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Re: Any advice on how to deal with this akward situation?

I don't think you are overreacting. I had a similiar situation, my girlfriend asked me to watch over her 2 children and her boyfriend would always pick the kids up but there were times he came early and just sat around for an hour before he left with the kids and it made me extremely uncomfortable. Sometimes he would come at his pick up time and still hang around for a half hour. Your situation is a bit different because they are stopping by during the day. You could make a comment when the dad comes like, wow I'm glad you have some time to spend with your son-are you taking him home for an hour, my husband sure would be surprised if I could get supper prepared for him when he got home tonight, or I sure could use the time to run out to the store, have a bath, whatever or you could suggest that you lower the childcare fees if he is going to have an exta 3 hours to spend with his baby per week because then he can't expect to make the visitations at your house, he will bring the baby home. I do not blame you for feeling uncomfortable. Good luck.

 
Old 01-12-2006, 10:10 PM   #5
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Re: Any advice on how to deal with this akward situation?

Maybe they are just trying to do this to make sure that everything is ok? They always tell you on talk shows to make unscheduled visits just to make sure that everything is alright. But I do understand how this would make you uncomfortable. I don't think I would like it either. Especially the husband coming by like that. I wonder why he doesn't take his son home. How long does he stay when he comes over? If I were you I wouldn't try to sit around and talk when they are there. I would just do your normal routine and act like they aren't around. Maybe they will get the hint. Good luck!

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Old 01-12-2006, 10:16 PM   #6
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Re: Any advice on how to deal with this akward situation?

Have you ever thought of going in the other room while he's there? I'm sorry, but I don't still don't see what the big deal is. This is business--women and men regularly mingle in most workplaces, and your workplace happens to be in your home. He's there to see his baby, not you. Does it really make sense for him to stop by, take the baby home for 10 minutes and then come back? I mean, if he's hanging around for hours, then why are you hired to babysit all day anyway?

If it freaks you out that he's stopping by, either say something to him (at which point they will probably end their arrangement with you) or just tell them it's not working out and end it yourself. I don't blame them for wanting to spend as much time as possible with their child. More parents should care so much.

 
Old 01-12-2006, 11:52 PM   #7
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Re: Any advice on how to deal with this akward situation?

Personally I would tell the couple that you and your husband feel uncomfortable with another man coming and sitting in your home. There is a chance this couple just hasn't thought about the implications.

Tell him he is more then welcome to take the baby for lunch or back home for a while (obviously since it's his kid :-) ) but that you do not feel comfortable with him coming inside. I realize that it's a way to make some money but if you aren't comfortable with how it's happening, it's not worth it.
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Old 01-13-2006, 05:45 AM   #8
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Re: Any advice on how to deal with this akward situation?

I totally see both sides. If I had to put my son in day care, I would go there to make sure everything is okay, but if it was for a certain length of time, I would leave with him too. As far as your end goes, if you are uncomfortable or inconvenienced, you have to say something. Really though, he should be taking the kid to his own home. But did you ever think that he may be uncomfortable being alone with him still? A lot of men don't feel comfortable with little babies, even if it's their own. If that's not the case, you have to do something, which like the other post said, will probably end in terminating the care you give, but it's probably not worth the money if it's causing you this much aggravation!

 
Old 01-13-2006, 06:28 AM   #9
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Re: Any advice on how to deal with this akward situation?

If I'm reading the post correctly, you said you just started watching the baby last week. I would give it another week. I'm assuming this is their first child, so they may just not be comfortable leaving the baby yet.

I don't think you are overreacting if that's how you feel. If he's only coming by for about a half hour, go about your business and pretend he's not there (like the other post said). But, if it's more than that, I would simply talk to the parents and make arrangements to reduce the cost by 3 hours a week (not that I know how you would actually do this) and let him take the son home since he lives so close.

But, all in all, I would give it another week and see what happens. I know the day care my son is at said we can come by whenever we want. The difference is, it's a school so there are a ton of people around, whereas you are in the house alone and the fact is, how well do you know him?

Ultimately, if you are uncomfortable with the situation, you may have to find alternatives to making some extra cash. But, I would give them a couple of weeks to make other arrangements.

 
Old 01-13-2006, 07:14 AM   #10
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Re: Any advice on how to deal with this akward situation?

Yeah, I told my husband we should give it some time and maybe it won't be so frequent. When he comes he stays for an hour. Yesterday when he popped up I had just gotten out of the shower and I was a bit suprised! The day before that he came over and I had the kids upstairs because I was cleaning and it just disrupted things. When the wife comes over it has been for two hours. I feel comfortable with her and I like her but I felt it would be rude to go about my day like she isn't there. I live in a small townhome so there isn't that much room to leave someone alone. I guess it is just weird to have people you don't know too well and are not good friends with to come by for long periods of time when they have a home right around the corner.

 
Old 01-13-2006, 07:38 AM   #11
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Re: Any advice on how to deal with this akward situation?

Maybe once you get the kids into a routine, it'll all work out. Personally, I'd feel uncomfortable hanging around at someone else's house. I can see checking up on your child to make sure everything is okay -- I've done it myself -- called or stopped by. When DS was teeny tiny, I worried about him all day long and was sooo tempted to leave work and see him, make sure he was okay. But I now DS older (toddler) that I can't let him see me if I drop in -- I'll sneak in around my lunch hour when I know he's napping if I need to drop something off and DH has snuck in and the helper has distracted DS, so he doesn't think he needs to come with us.

So, I'd suggest getting into a routine. Figure out when the baby is going to eat and sleep and then after a few weeks, give the parents a schedule, so they know if they drop in, what times might be disruptive to you or the children. And they're there to see their child, so go do a load of laundry, wash the dishes in the sink...

 
Old 01-13-2006, 08:38 AM   #12
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Re: Any advice on how to deal with this akward situation?

Why are you bathing and cleaning when you are being paid to watch this child? The cleaning isn't too bad as long as it's minor stuff, but the bathing should be done on your own time.

 
Old 01-13-2006, 01:15 PM   #13
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Re: Any advice on how to deal with this akward situation?

I normally shower before they drop him off in the morning. That particular day I did not have time. So I picked a time when both the kids were sleeping and I had no clue he would drop by. So there is no problem with that. I can chose how to spend my time when the children are alseep. And I do not like to have my house a mess and I straighten up everyday but that day I was doing laundry ect... You obviously have a problem with my post because each post you have written is negative toned. So please do not tell me how to spend my free time.

 
Old 01-13-2006, 04:14 PM   #14
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Re: Any advice on how to deal with this akward situation?

If I need to shower I either wait until the baby is asleep or I put her in the bouncey chair in the bathroom and play peekaboo out the shower curtain. You just have to do what works for you.
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Old 01-14-2006, 07:25 AM   #15
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Re: Any advice on how to deal with this akward situation?

I also do not think there is anything wrong with them coming over. It may make you uncomfortable at first but I think you will get used to their drop ins. If I had to work all day and could get some time off to spend with my baby during the day I would do it as much as possible. Maybe the dad wants to get the feel of your place and thats why he stays there. I would really like to know as much as possible about the caregiver I am giving my most precious baby to everyday. I really don't think they would care if you did a few things for yourself when they stopped by. Just say "Well, since you are here and I am going to quick throw in some laundry..."

Plus you could also get the word out in your complex that you are a sitter. People will then understand why you have all sorts of people coming to your place.

I hope everything ends up working out for you. I am sure it is nice to get some extra cash. Just think more of your house as a daycare during the day instead of a personal place that they are intruding upon. Maybe that would make you feel better.

 
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