It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Parenting Issues Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-12-2006, 04:25 PM   #1
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Southern California
Posts: 608
pinkie1 HB User
Question How do you get 3 y.o. to participate?

My DS will be 3 next month and we've enrolled in music classes with 6 other kids his age. None of whom he's met before. The class was miserable for both of us b/c he would NOT participate or look at anyone. He was terribly shy in class, but at home he's the sweetest, friendliest kid who loves to participate in anything. He's normally not this shy.

Is this normal for 3 yo? (Yes, I'm a first time mom). This is only the first class, but I've taken him to other new events and he's done fine.

Dropping the class in not an option. Do you force a kid to participate or just endure misery for the next 14 weeks?

Has anyone gone thru anything like this and how did things work out?

Last edited by pinkie1; 01-12-2006 at 04:29 PM.

 
Old 01-12-2006, 10:48 PM   #2
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Airdrie, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 432
PinkPiglet HB User
Re: How do you get 3 y.o. to participate?

I put my happy son into playschool and he hid in a corner for months before he would wander out to play with anything. We thought he was shy and this was good for him. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Turns out my son has Autism and I should never have forced him into an uncomfortable situation.

I'm not saying your child has Autism, but that maybe there is a reason. We ourselves would never stay in a situation that is very uncomfortable for us so why do we make our children do that? Your son is all of 3 years old. There are many years ahead to be in classes and lessons. I, personally, would take him out and not worry about it for now.
__________________
Pink

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 01-13-2006, 06:46 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,006
Ratatosk HB UserRatatosk HB User
Re: How do you get 3 y.o. to participate?

Maybe he just needs to adjust to the situation. It's a different routine. Maybe he just needs to warm up to it. DS goes to a daycare center/preschool and he does great there, but sometimes he gets a little clingy when dad drops him off or when there's a special event. Do the other parents stay, too? DS is 2 1/2 and he tends to do better when Mom & Dad aren't around. And right now I'm the favorite parent, so I have to sneak out the door when I have a monthly work meeting.

 
Old 01-13-2006, 07:52 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 1,402
Kiera1595 HB User
Re: How do you get 3 y.o. to participate?

I say give it one more week and if he really is miserable, consider not going. You may be losing some money...but you want your child to be happy. Does he like other social situations? Or is he shy everywhere? Maybe he just isn't into the class. Even at 3 they have a strong feeling of what they like or not. While most kids LOVE to color...DS HATES it (he's almost 3 ) If you think it's more of a social issue, try something that is less participatory. Like the playground or community playrooms (if you have one) That way he can play with others if he wants, or play by himself. He won't feel pressured to do something just because others are doing it. And that way he'll get used to being around other kids.
__________________
"Go slowly, breathe and smile" Thich Nhat Hanh

 
Old 01-13-2006, 08:02 AM   #5
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Tampa Bay area, FL
Posts: 122
mitpatsmom HB User
Re: How do you get 3 y.o. to participate?

My son was like that when we put him in soccer at 4yo. He seemed to be excited about playing and liked going to practice, but when the first game started, he ran off the field crying and refused to participate.

After that, he continued to enjoy practice, but wouldn't play in the games, even though we made him go. Three weeks into the season he fell off the slide at home and broke his collarbone, so that ended the season.

I asked him later why he behaved the way he did and he said that he didn't like the other people watching him. It made him nervous with everyone looking at him and cheering. Something I didn't think would bother him. We waited until he was 6yo to try again and he loved it. Whatever shyness was there before was gone.

I would talk to him to see if you can understand why he doesn't like it. Maybe there's something scaring him that you can change, or explaing away. If not, either pull him out and wait until he's older, or let him go, but don't force him to participate. Maybe once he sees all the other kids doing it, he may warm up to the idea. Just don't push too hard.

 
Old 01-13-2006, 09:21 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,789
galinaqt HB User
Re: How do you get 3 y.o. to participate?

I took my dd who is 3 at beginning ballet class. Looks like it is too early, she does not repeat moves most of the time and instructors don't correct. Every time instructor count to 10, she says 11. I will take her for 2 months I payed, I even bought her a uniform. I don't think I will continue after that,

 
Old 01-13-2006, 09:30 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,006
Ratatosk HB UserRatatosk HB User
Re: How do you get 3 y.o. to participate?

Maybe he doesn't like music or singing. DS had an Xmas program at school, they worked for weeks practicing songs. He refused to sing. Just stood and looked around -- on the ride home he belted out the songs.

 
Old 01-14-2006, 09:57 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Southern California
Posts: 608
pinkie1 HB User
Re: How do you get 3 y.o. to participate?

Thank you all for your input.

I think like what Mitpatsmom said, "he doesn't like other people watching him", may be the reason.
DS loves to sing and will participate in the games at home, but not in the class.

I must say though, that although the other kids are about his age, he is the oldest, and the other kids don't really participate either. Their parents make them participate b/c they have no clue what's going on.

I learned my nephew who's been taking the same classes for the past 2 years (he's almost 3 too), never paticipates in class. I thought he would be the star of the class b/c whenever I see him he's singing on key and doing the little games from class- it's so cute.

DS is shy in new surroundings, but eventually warms up. I hope that he warms up to this class too b/c my sister-in-law is paying for these music classes and I'd hate to tell her we're pulling DS out. (She's a music teacher). I think my DS would really love the classes once he gets comfy.

Last edited by pinkie1; 01-18-2006 at 11:25 PM.

 
Old 01-17-2006, 02:05 PM   #9
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 391
Karen W. HB User
Re: How do you get 3 y.o. to participate?

Hi,
I have a DS son who is now nineteen years old, We have had him involved in may things from small on, I would stick out the program, eventually he will warm up to some one there and before you know it he will be part of the group. My son is like that even now at times. His first two ceramic classes at Easter Seals, he was quiet and didn't want to go back, why? because it was a whole new environment and new people, Now he loves it and has made many friends and has a good time.I know when someone has a special needs child we tend to be protective and that never goes away, I would give your son a few more chance's, he'll probably be okay.
Karen W.

 
Old 01-17-2006, 09:04 PM   #10
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,537
Dark Stranger HB UserDark Stranger HB UserDark Stranger HB UserDark Stranger HB User
Re: How do you get 3 y.o. to participate?

My best guess as to why your son acts the way he does is what others have suggested: He doesn't like being watched. Many people don't like knowing there are other eyes on them. Heck, I'm 18 and I can't stand playing DDR in the arcade if there are other people in there waiting to play and watching me.

As another member said, stick it out for another week or so, and if your son really really hates the class, don't make him suffer anymore. Nothing is more painful mentally than being encouraged to do things you don't want to do. It's not a bad idea to suggest different things, but just don't make him do things if he doesn't want to.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 11:28 PM   #11
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Southern California
Posts: 608
pinkie1 HB User
Re: How do you get 3 y.o. to participate?

Thanks.
We have another class tomorrow, so we'll see how it goes.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Sinus pressure sufferers - SURVEY - please participate. slpagirl Sinus Problems 20 11-01-2004 11:42 PM
POLL! Please participate junior26 High & Low Blood Pressure 18 08-27-2004 12:56 PM
Parent/Researcher Invites other caregives to participate in research study tveness Caregivers 0 12-29-2003 09:06 PM
Anxiety and Heart Palpitation ? Everyone I need your input. Please participate! special_ahs Panic Disorders 13 10-22-2003 10:33 AM
Survey for guys-please participate. mmaarrkk3031 Sexual Health - Men 1 07-02-2003 02:04 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Seraph (8), writeleft (6), rudiraven (4), marisuela (4), Curious One (3), noevr (3), katlin09 (3), jilas0127 (3), Foxxii (3), Beth Ann (2)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1167), MSJayhawk (1000), Apollo123 (899), Titchou (836), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (747), sammy64 (668), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:59 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!