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Old 01-15-2006, 11:17 PM   #1
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Copsgrl8 HB User
Red face Hate Hate Hate

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Hello everyone.


I am rather new to this web site and when I saw this board I was really excited and looking for some answers.

I have 2 children a daughter & son.
Now my question is with my daughter she is 4.5 and it seems her only way to express anger is by using the word "HATE" If I scold her for something she is always "saying I hate you" now I know she doesn't' mean it and I am sure she is just upset at the time BUT how do I get her to stop. And another thing she does is when scolding her she will say "you hate me" That just breaks my heart that she would even think that. I tried to explain to her what HATE means and she seems to understand but she doesn't stop using the word.
Also sometimes out of the blue she will tell me "Everyone hates me" I tell her that is no way possible, we all love her dearly.

She is a very smart little girl and a wonderful "helper" to me and a wonderful "big" sister but she just seems to be fixated on that "hate" word.
Her teachers at school have also noticed it and have spoken to my and my dh on several occasions.

Does anyone have any ideas? Did anyone else's kids to through this?

Thanks
~Terri

 
Old 01-16-2006, 05:59 AM   #2
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Mommyof4 HB User
Re: Hate Hate Hate

Mine are 13, 6, 5, and 3... The word hate has tried to be used for MANY situations around here. I tell the kids that they can say they don't like someone or something but they can't say they hate them. In my family, the words "You hate me" are used to evoke sympathy. I sit mine down and start asking what I do that makes them think that I hate them. Then I ask them what I can do so that they won't feel that way. Same thing with the brothers and sisters.

We have gotten to the point where the word hate is a time out offense. They are to go to their rooms and figure out a way to show the other person how they really feel.

I do empathize though it is slowing down if that helps any
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Old 01-29-2006, 05:35 PM   #3
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Cherrie330 HB User
Re: Hate Hate Hate

Hi - I have also been having problems with my son who will be 6 in March. I also have a 4.5 girl. My kids are so different personality wise. My daughter - happy and always on the go. My son is very outgoing but extremely sensitive. He also uses "hate" alot - even saying that he hates himself. Sometimes he goes on to say that he wishes he was never born. Friends that I have spoken to say that he just doesn't know how to express his anger and to not let his words upset me. But I can't help but be upset - I am saddened to think my child is so unhappy. I have found that the best time to get him to open up to me is when I am putting him to bed. Sometimes I sit on his bed or snuggle next to him and ask about his day - he seems to love this one on one time with me and finally tells me what upset him earlier. I, like the other mom, stress that we can say we dislike something but that it is not appropriate to use the word "hate". I can't say that I have made any progress yet but I will keep trying. My husband gets very upset when my son talks like that and handles the whole situation all wrong. But that is a whole other problem to deal with. Let's keep in touch. If I find out anything new I'll let you.

Cherrie

 
Old 01-29-2006, 11:31 PM   #4
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fifistoosh HB User
Re: Hate Hate Hate

Remember its just a word, we know its meaning but to your daughter its a word that gets a great reaction from everybody, everytime she uses it.

try not to get too worked up, if she says "every body hates me" your reply could be " why do you think everyone doesnt like you". Use dont like when asking her why, when she said hate, dont focus on the worrd hate, try to pretend it wasnt said.

I know its hard, but children have to learn, they all learn in different ways too. Give it a try, it may just work.

 
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