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Old 01-17-2006, 04:43 PM   #1
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Betty Bee HB User
Follow-up to 6 year old hitting daddy

Things have progressively gotten worse. The 6 year old boy is now running over his dad's feet with his bike. Hitting and punching him, and today he now said he wants to stab his daddy in the head with a knife! We have our second therapy session tomorrow. We are so cofused and scared of what could or couldn't happen. Does anyone have any insight as to how to control this behavior? Any opinions are welcome!

 
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Old 01-17-2006, 10:23 PM   #2
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Re: Follow-up to 6 year old hitting daddy

I'm sorry your situation has worsened, Betty Bee. I did read your original post, and I couldn't believe that you were refused therapy until this month.

Dad needs to put his foot down with your son. It'll be hard, because from the sounds of it, the boy is spoiled rotten and can't get used to being told "no". Have you ever considered locking him in his room when he is angry? Prop something heavy up against the door and let him run wild until he calms down. We all get angry or stressed from time to time, no matter what age we are. We all express our frustration in different ways - some people just sit and breathe deeply, while others break things and scream. Your son is expressing his anger, and perhaps he is not aware of what he is saying when he has outbursts.

Have you tried talking to your son? Like just asking him why he says and does such bad things? I'm sure he's not purposely trying to be a pain in the behind, but maybe he feels like no one understands him, and it frustrates him. I know, easier said than done, right?

You say you're going for therapy session #2 tomorrow - what were you told in the first session? Do you go yourself to discuss your son's behavior with a therapist, or do you take your son and have him talk too?

Is your son on any medications to try and control his behavior?

 
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Old 01-17-2006, 10:53 PM   #3
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Chellaine HB User
Re: Follow-up to 6 year old hitting daddy

Betty Bee,
I also have a 6 year old son who is terribly aggressive. He takes medication for his aggressiveness, but it doesn't work all that well, underlying circumstances and all.
Anyway, he has decided that he is going to take all his anger out on me, safest on I presume. So, I get punched, kicked, things thrown at, my things torn up and broken, smacked, sworn at, etc...
Did I happen to mention he has mental disabilities also?
His therapist told me that when he starts the physical abuse, he also self abuses, to hold his arms firmly at his side and don't let go and let him know it is NOT alright to do this. AND, old phone books for him to tear apart, because they have some resistance, as long as he is aware he has to clean it up when he is done. Pillows to hit, but not destroy.
My son likes to be left alone a lot too, so he has his own "quiet corner" in the living room. We made it on the love seat in the corner where nobody ever sits, I put some books and a couple of toys and when he feels over stimulated, sometimes he goes there and we just leave him alone. He does alot of self soothing and stimming too.
I hope something I wrote will help you.
Take care,
Chellaine

 
Old 01-18-2006, 05:52 AM   #4
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Betty Bee HB User
Re: Follow-up to 6 year old hitting daddy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Stranger
I'm sorry your situation has worsened, Betty Bee. I did read your original post, and I couldn't believe that you were refused therapy until this month.

Dad needs to put his foot down with your son. It'll be hard, because from the sounds of it, the boy is spoiled rotten and can't get used to being told "no". Have you ever considered locking him in his room when he is angry? Prop something heavy up against the door and let him run wild until he calms down. We all get angry or stressed from time to time, no matter what age we are. We all express our frustration in different ways - some people just sit and breathe deeply, while others break things and scream. Your son is expressing his anger, and perhaps he is not aware of what he is saying when he has outbursts.

Have you tried talking to your son? Like just asking him why he says and does such bad things? I'm sure he's not purposely trying to be a pain in the behind, but maybe he feels like no one understands him, and it frustrates him. I know, easier said than done, right?

You say you're going for therapy session #2 tomorrow - what were you told in the first session? Do you go yourself to discuss your son's behavior with a therapist, or do you take your son and have him talk too?

Is your son on any medications to try and control his behavior?




We tried for the first time holding the door closed to his bedroom. He kicks and punches the door and then eventually locks himself inside his room. We don't know if we should discipline him for that behavior or not, so we let it go lastnight. He is very disrespectful to me too. Last night I said goodnight to him and he refused to say it back to me. His daddy said he needs to say goodnight to me, but he said it's stupid to say goodnight to me. He also threw a fit because I wouldn't walk with him to his bedroom to get a book. I told him he's a big boy and he doesn't need me to walk with him to his room.
He called me stupid.

You're right he is spoiled rotten, but where is all this rage coming from? He's not on medication. After the incident where we shut him in his bedroom, we made him write "I will not hit" 100 times. We are seeing the therapist today. Usually, the 3 of us meet with the therepist, then his dad and I meet with the therapist alone.

In our first therapy session we were told to take things away from him when he acts out of control. Then when he deserves to have it back...we are suppose to reward him for good behavior. We have put him in time out but he kicks and screams to where his daddy has to physically sit on him. Basically the therapist said he is very spoiled and we both need to be on the same page and stand firm. It's difficult because sometimes his daddy has trouble with this.

 
Old 01-18-2006, 05:55 AM   #5
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Betty Bee HB User
Re: Follow-up to 6 year old hitting daddy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chellaine
Betty Bee,
I also have a 6 year old son who is terribly aggressive. He takes medication for his aggressiveness, but it doesn't work all that well, underlying circumstances and all.
Anyway, he has decided that he is going to take all his anger out on me, safest on I presume. So, I get punched, kicked, things thrown at, my things torn up and broken, smacked, sworn at, etc...
Did I happen to mention he has mental disabilities also?
His therapist told me that when he starts the physical abuse, he also self abuses, to hold his arms firmly at his side and don't let go and let him know it is NOT alright to do this. AND, old phone books for him to tear apart, because they have some resistance, as long as he is aware he has to clean it up when he is done. Pillows to hit, but not destroy.
My son likes to be left alone a lot too, so he has his own "quiet corner" in the living room. We made it on the love seat in the corner where nobody ever sits, I put some books and a couple of toys and when he feels over stimulated, sometimes he goes there and we just leave him alone. He does alot of self soothing and stimming too.
I hope something I wrote will help you.
Take care,
Chellaine

Thank you for your input. I'm scared that this behavior will continue into his adolescent years. I know it will take time but I'm very worried about the situation. Has it gotten better with your 6 year old?

 
Old 01-18-2006, 09:14 AM   #6
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Chellaine HB User
Re: Follow-up to 6 year old hitting daddy

Yes Betty, it has gotten a little better. He doesn't hit quite as much any more. He still spits. He will always swear, he has Tourette's, but we can tell when it is a tic and when it is on purpose, and he does self harm. He is also ADHD and Developmentally Delayed, he has the mind of around a 3 or 4 year old. I have a thread on here called "My little boy was molested" and that contributed to his rage. He was already terribly aggressive, but it had gotten worse since we have found out that had been happening. We do pick our battles with him, we let the little things slide, otherwise we would be fighting with him 24/7 and I just do not have the energy for that.
But I tell you, the phone books, pillows and especially the quiet place, as long as it is not used as a time out spot and it is where he can still be with the family but still away from everyone, they really work well.
Good luck with the therapist. And on that note, I would never trust a therapist who says that you child is just plain spoiled. If your 6 year old has that much rage, there is a reason, and it is NOT from being spoiled. There IS an underlying problem.
Take care,
Chellaine

 
Old 01-18-2006, 09:15 AM   #7
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Dark Stranger HB UserDark Stranger HB UserDark Stranger HB UserDark Stranger HB User
Re: Follow-up to 6 year old hitting daddy

If you do decide to start taking things away, perhaps you could try telling him that he needs to "earn" his things back through good behavior. You probably really really need to stress when he's being good, like make a big deal out of it so he gets the idea. Once again, easier said than done. I wish it was just as easy to do it as speaking it. I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you, Betty.

As far as locking himself in his room, I wouldn't worry much about that if he was being put into his room to cool down.

 
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