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Old 02-03-2006, 11:30 AM   #1
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3 year old does not listen

Hi, I am currently in the middle of getting divorced from my husband. This part I am now over, its been almost two years now since we seperated, but I have a 3 year old daughter, who is smart, pretty energetic and all the good things that go along with having a child, BUT!!!! she does not want to listen to me. We have lots of fun playing together, singing, dancing. She is very affectionate but she does not listen to me when I tell her not to do something. She gives me a hard time getting her dressed, I wind up chasing her around the house (as she laughs), she does not want to go to bed at night, anything with the word no she says... but I have to. Sometimes I feel my patients getting soooo low... I have tried so many ways of telling her no, trying to make her think that she is not losing, but she throws fits and sometimes swings at me or kicks. Its weird because her father and I have her equally (time wise) and she is not like this at his house, she will actually tell him she is tired and go to her bed. She cleans her room etc. I dont get why she acts this way with me. I do not think its rebeling cause she is use to this situation, its really what she knows. What can I do to get her to listen to me? Any suggestions? Thanks

 
Old 02-03-2006, 11:55 AM   #2
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Re: 3 year old does not listen

My 3y old daughter behaves same way with me and my husband as she behaves with you. It is very hard and getting on my nerves. She doesn't behave like that in daycare. I am hoping that she will outgrow it.
Are you sure that your ex-husband telling you the truth? May be he wants to show that he is a better parent?

 
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Old 02-03-2006, 12:51 PM   #3
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Re: 3 year old does not listen

No.. He is not lying. We are actually good friends and also his mother, who happens to live across the way from me told me the same thing. Its weird but his mother and I are very close and she tells me a lot of things, since I have been in the family for over 12 years. She says, I just dont understand, I think she likes to abuse her mother, she does not act like this at her dads house. She even tries to help me and tells my daughter that you have to be nice to your mom. Sometimes, I threaten to call her dad when she is acting bad, and she says no no dont call him I am a big girl. He is a great dad I know that, but I dont know what he is doing different.

 
Old 02-03-2006, 01:11 PM   #4
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Re: 3 year old does not listen

To tell the truth I am "weak" and "soft" person. I will never be able to work with kids and keep the discipline. May be you are same way and your husband is stronger. I believe it is something one born with. I can only hope she will know better when she grew up. Sometimes she makes me mad and I even spank her and make her do my way but a lot of time I would rather gave up to her demands. I am an old age mom and work full time on time demanding job so when I am home I'd rather give up to her demands. Another reason she is the only baby and only grandkids on both sides, so she is very spoiled.

 
Old 02-03-2006, 06:49 PM   #5
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Re: 3 year old does not listen

They say that kids are 100% themselves with their mother's. Noone else. So I believe she loves you and trusts you and confides in you so much that she feels free to be who she is without restrictions, and that's what she's doing, even though you need to find a method of discipline that will work with her and soon. I have big discipline problems with my child too so maybe I can't help you there, but maybe do a search online to get some good info. Have you tried time outs yet? They are supposed to be very effective!
Oh and Good Luck!

 
Old 02-04-2006, 07:20 AM   #6
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Re: 3 year old does not listen

Offering choices - like "do you want me to put your shirt on or do you want to put your shirt on?" and giving tons of praise for good behavior. Work for 3 year olds.

She acts up more for you becasue she trusts you and can vent in your presence.

 
Old 02-04-2006, 10:07 PM   #7
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Re: 3 year old does not listen

I have 4yr old twin boys and have been through this, I have six boys total. You have to let her know that you love her, however it you need to be firm with her. It seems like your daughter thinks that you are playing with her when you are trying to make her do something. Divorce is a hard time for children and for parents, but you should not use her father to make her do something. Just be consistant and be firm with her. All children are different, and sometimes choices work. With me they didn't. I was always soft spoken and the boys would laugh and play as if I were playing with them, and sometimes I would laugh at them or give in. That was my mistake, and with them they needed me to just be firm and consistant.

Last edited by sunshine6350; 02-05-2006 at 09:24 AM.

 
Old 02-05-2006, 04:38 AM   #8
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Re: 3 year old does not listen

1. Don't let her know this frazzles you. She is seeking attention and you are playing into it by chasing her. I agree with Rouge. Offer her the choice of doing it herself or HELPING HER do it. Since kids typically don't like the intrusive method it usually works.

Behavioral Therapists talk about the function of the behavior which are:

1. Attention Seeking

2. Escape : meaning they are trying any means to get out of whatever it
is that you are trying to accomplish at the moment for a
reason. ie: when you are chasing her is it to go to daycare
and maybe she knows by getting dressed she's ready to go.
Or pajama's mean bedtime.

She's three and they are difficult little beings when they want to be.
Hang in there. I have one too !!! and he has Autism so his listening skills
are pretty non existant at times. I feel for you.

 
Old 02-07-2006, 06:42 AM   #9
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Re: 3 year old does not listen

I do give her a lot of choices. She even picks out her clothes in the morning. I let her help me cook, ask her to get me things out of the fridge for reciepts, and she loves it. I try not to tell her the word no often, rather I tell her that is not good for you to do cause you could get hurt etc... Sometimes what I will do is, this might sound funny but she loves when I call her my little puppy, she will pant like a dog and tell me mommy call me puppy. So I will say puppy will you get dressed like a good little puppy and a lot of the times that will work, but sometimes she is just not having it. I guess every child is different and I just have to find the method that works for her..

 
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