We don't want this to get out of hand re 11 yr old - Parenting Issues Message Board

hayley0610 · 03-10-2006, 12:27 PM

My ds who is 11 is starting to become "naughty" We have 4 other kids 2 older 1 younger so we have experienced somethings that kids do in life ei smoking, swearing,fighting and so on but our 11 yr old really does not seem to get it!! His behaviour as in attitude around us is fantastic, he doesn't talk back, is respectful and all around happy but when he isn't around us watch out!!! He just got suspened from school for 3 days because he thought itd be smart to take a can of body spray and a lighter to school and show how "cool" it looks when u ignight it! to say we aren't amused is an understatement but it seems we have run out of punishments for him! The other kids usually "got it" after being caught once and punished but my ds never does! He is very lazy but and honour role student with little effort. When he is asked to do something he half does it or not at all I think its because i have babied him more than the other kids and never really stuck my guns when he has been lazy. He has been hanging out with some bad kids who have shown him things so we have stopped that but even though he knows what he is doing is wrong he still does them behind our backs but continually and he is so darn smart he knows what could happen he just doesnt care!!! we dont know if we should send him to private school or just a diff school, grounding him does nothing as he is lazy and doesnt care!! I am just afraid that this is the start of a bad future for him and it will only get worse.so can anyone think of effective punishment???

daystar91 · 03-11-2006, 11:58 PM

I always felt that if you kept your kids busy with school, activities and sports that they wont find time to get them selves in trouble..This way to maybe he will find other kids to hang out with and make a better choice of friends..My boys (14 & 7 ) are both very active in sports and activies in school and outside of school..Both kids seem to have friends that are more involved into the same type of things they are in..If they were to get themselves into trouble in any way especially in school, their would have been a punishment..Only one time i had a phone call from the school..My oldest son and another boy were fighting in the boys bathroom by doing so they broke the screen out of the window..Even though at the time he was in advance grades, straight A student and he still had to excepted the punishment..The school gave him and the other boy detention for three days and to replace that window..Which came right out of his allowence.

sudufu · 03-12-2006, 11:01 AM

Hi Hayley ~
Along with daystars suggestion of keeping kids buzy, I'd say you need to search until you find something that DOES mean something to your son. Finding that key is crucial to your (& ultimeatly HIS) sucsess as a parent. Does he have use of: computer, GameBoy, x-box or some other favorite, PRIZED item??? take IT away & make him earn it back with a week (whatever u think is appropriate) of no bad reports.

Possesions or using whatever electronic gizmo are PRIVILEDGES, not absolute rights (come from the old school) and they should be treated as such. The only thing you have to provide for kids is a bed & blanket of their own, food & clothing & a light bulb. But those things don't HAVE to be the $80 sneekers you bought a month ago. Cheap ones assist someone in walking JUST as WELL , , , can you tell I have a friend who runs a parenting class?

When my step-dau was absolutely HORRID to me, then refused to communicate more, I striped her room of EVERYTHING that I or my family given her. She didn't deserve the fruits of MY LABOR. Eventually step-dau came around when she knew I MEANT business.

peace to you,
Sue

hayley0610 · 03-13-2006, 01:01 PM

thanks for ur advice however we have tried these approaches and nothing seems to help. We have taken things away from him that mean tons and he does hate that but it doesnt seem to prevent him from doing stupid things again! My other 2 seemed to have learnt from it and my dd still has attitude cause she is a teen and doesnt really learn from it but my son NEVER learns from it. Like i said his personality is fantastic, he is polite, upbeat and friendly and very loving its just that he seems to be such a "boy" and does "boys" things but i dont want this to become his future cause he is so bright and i see him having 2 paths to take and he isnt going down the right one.

daystar91 · 03-13-2006, 02:27 PM

My oldest son years ago hung around a boy which i would rather him not to..But unfortunly we can not choose who are children hang around with as much as we would like to..Even if we did they would find ways to still hang out with these kids..My son is smart, great personality, well manner, outgoing and very lovable, just had a bad choice of friends..When he became more involved in sports he seemed to leave those kids behind because those kids weren't involved in those activities and he just didn't have time for them..He made new friends and moved on..He made a good choice and it was his choice..I'm so proud of him..Now these kids are 14 in trouble with the law and i'm so glad my son is so far away from them..Here is another thing to really think about i use to explain to my son even though your not the one doing the wrong but your there around these boys when they are doing wrong you are as at fault as they are.. There was a time when my son wasn't even hanging out with these boys during summer and they were caught with hunting knives by the police on school property..Only because they threaten a younger children by popping his bike tire with the knife so who did they blame it on my son..I said to my son see these are the kids you call friends..Even the grandma at the time blame my son to save her own grandson from her daughter getting a ticket..My son wasn't even with them..People will do anything to save there own skin at anyone's expence..All that lying didn't get them any where..

When people see your child hanging out with these kids he becomes labeled as one of these kids..It sounds mean but it's reality. Sometimes we have to give these kids tough love, i know i'm doing it right now with mine..I'm a softy and it kills me to be mean but i'm looking out for his best interest..