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Old 03-10-2006, 11:46 AM   #1
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alleycat2 HB User
Observing the parenting role-have a ?

I have no kids yet myself but I practically raised my nieces and nephews. I have been through everything from diaper changing on up to teenager stuff like dating, with them. I can stand back and see what works, what doesn't and which kid gets away with what. One of my sister's has 4 kids, 2 girls and 2 boys. I will call my them Jen, Kate, Ben & Alex. My sister favors her 2nd child Jen and let me tell you this girl gets away with way too much! Jen is always putting Kate down and when Kate gets upset my sister don't know how to take it being she has become insensative since her divorce. If Jen does something wrong and Kate saw it or Jen told her about it and she doesn't fess up she gets punished alone with Jen if she gets caught for it. However, if Kate gets in trouble and Jen knew about it just Kate gets punished alone. Ben is really the a step-brother but the girls fight over him like he is their boyfriend. Jen gets him to join in whenever she forms a plan to get Kate mad. She will flirt with him or find a way to grab his hand or something. Jen can do something wrong right in front of you and when you call her on it she will deny it with a straight face while she looks right at you! My sister has been told by our parents and siblings that she needs to follow through with her punishments when she gives them and she needs to stop being so one sided and favoring one daughter/child over the rest but she refuses to listen. She asks for advice but if it's anything negative towards her she shuts down! I want to make sure I don't make the same mistake. The reason I bring this up is I would like advice from parents who may have been through this or have advise. This way the next time my sister asks my advice I will have advice from others who are actually parents. It maybe wrong but me and some of my siblings have resorted to paying a little more attention to Kate and Alex to make up for the loads of attention my sister heeps on Jen. It's not a major amount difference but it seems to help them. I know maybe we shouldn't do that because we would be acting like my sister, but what else can we do?

 
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Old 03-15-2006, 11:03 AM   #2
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layla= HB User
Re: Observing the parenting role-have a ?

I was one of 4 and as much as my parents favoured my brother it didnt do us girls any harm as you say you give the others a bit more attention to make up for it.
My sisters were a pair of cows always ganging up on me and getting me in trouble but then if i could get one of them on side then i was just as bad.
Its sibling rivalry they work it out amongst themselves, we are all best friends now with our children as close as we were, youll never see four cousins as close as my kids and thats because of all the fighting we had when we were little. Honestly an old family friend used to me that my sisters and i would be best friends when we grew up and i never believed him. Jen and kate will be best friends aswell and they will laugh at the things they used to do to get eachother in trouble.
If you want to avoid making a favourite with your own children then you just have to remember to give them all an equal say!!!!( good luck if you got 4 )
I hope this helps
good luck

 
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