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Old 03-14-2006, 07:42 PM   #1
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My Parents

Im am 21 years old. Ever since I was born my parents showed very little emotion with me. I grew up never hugging my parents or relatives. I think its because my parents are a little older, both of them are now 60 years old. They just grew up in a different time period then most of my friends parents. My friends parents openly talk about dating and sex with them, even when im there. My parents have at no time talked about girls or sex with me.

As a result, I have very little/none attraction to girls. I never went to either proms in high school and have never brought a girl home. Im not gay in any way but I just dont care about the opposite sex. I think it has to do with the fact that I grew up in the enviroment I did. I dont think I could ever bring a girl home to my parents because its just something we never talked about. If girls were a common topic in my house I would be much more open to dating.

You would tend to think that they would eventually open up to me about girls and getting married but I highly doubt it. Im still very young but I am 21 years old and have never brought a girl home and still no talk about it from my parents.

I think my reluctance to date is that I perceive my parents lack of discussion about the subject as them saying that dating is innapproporiate.

I want to start dating but the parenting issue has seriously effected me. I dont want to live alone but at the same time the akwardness that it would bring with my parents is just as strong as my desire to date.

I just wanted to know if any of you have heard about this or have experienced this.

Last edited by jtm; 03-14-2006 at 07:46 PM.

 
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Old 03-14-2006, 09:49 PM   #2
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Re: My Parents

Hi Jtom,

Well kiddo, my parents are about the same age as yours, except I'm 41. My parents are sort of like yours except mine neglected and rejected us, their children. We were left to tend for ourselves in a very young age, and I had to grow up fast when I was 8 years old, being responsible for two younger siblings. "Instead of kisses, we get kicks" - Annie

However, I am a mother of a 19year old son and he is and was showered with hugs, kisses, love and attention with a little security thrown in there because I knew what it's like to be the receiving end of not getting any... so I hope by saying this when you have your own children, you'd do the complete opposite of what you'd received, just like me.

With that said, I think what you need to do is go up to an Uncle or a trusting friend that you notice has "the moves" and get's lucky with dates with girls and just observe him. Start by talking to girls slowly. You see, girls like to talk. Ask them things like, "how's your class or what's your class about". Or if you see them with a CD of an artist you both like, talk about that artist like saying, "Oh, I like Snoop-Dogg" or something like that and then start talking about which songs you like, then offer to lend her your CD or something. We love to talk about ourselves! LOL That's also one good way to find out about those girls. Also, join a club of interest like for example, my son plays basketball and likes anime... he joined the basketball team at school and joined the anime club too. He meets lots of people there, especially girls. He also DJ's at his school, so the girls are ample around him when he's DJing... expose yourself to different kinds of culture and interest. Girls also like to touch, so once a girls slaps you on the arm or pinches your cheek or mess up your hair or wraps their arms around your neck, enjoy the feeling of being touched. it's our way of letting you know we're comfortable with you and we like you... to what degree, well, you'll have to watch for the signals.
Then slowly, you'll become more & more comfortable being around girls... and don't be afraid of taking one home to your parents. they'll be in shock, but they'll get over it.

These are some of the things I told my own son. Let us know how it goes.

 
Old 03-14-2006, 10:07 PM   #3
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Re: My Parents

I hear what your saying. I do talk to quite a bit of girls. Its just that I never go beyond just freinds.

 
Old 03-14-2006, 10:15 PM   #4
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Re: My Parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by jtom
I hear what your saying. I do talk to quite a bit of girls. Its just that I never go beyond just freinds.

AAww hon, okay, start going to group movies or group things. My son recently went with a group of his friends to some concert... he got to know one nice girl and they went out on a date a couple of times already. You also need to allow the girl to know you. Baby steps, start going out with a group of friends, male & female and pretty soon the same group of people will get to know each other, become more comfortable and then next thing you know, some girl would start giving you signals. You may want to start watching those "signals" us girls give like, smiling and looking at you with a tilted head. LOL I know that sounds dumb, but I know, I'm a woman and I still do that at my age! LOL But start with baby steps... start hanging out with some good, quality group of friends and when it's movie night or something start gathering the same group of friends about 3 days before the event and tell them they can invite other friends. Then next thing you know, you start feeling comfortable and confident to ask a girl out.


Last edited by Fabat40; 03-14-2006 at 10:15 PM.

 
Old 03-14-2006, 10:46 PM   #5
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Re: My Parents

My point is not that im this antisocial guy who is afraid of girls. I talk to alot of girls and I do hang out with girls in groups. I was just bought up in an unusual way and have no attraction to them. Basically im not writing this to receive dating advice, rather im here to see if others have been through what I have.

Last edited by jtm; 03-14-2006 at 11:49 PM.

 
Old 03-15-2006, 05:15 AM   #6
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Re: My Parents

Well I havent been through I just wanted to comment that this really baffled me but myself and my friends im sure were brought up in a very different inviroment then you.I have 5 kids and my oldest son is soon to be 13 years old which is usualy about the time those hormones start to kick in for boys I have seen signs of him being attracted to girls just recently eventhough he wont admitt to it yet lol if he hadnt I have to say I would be a bit worried as to why not.So this is just kind of strange to hear about are your parents really religious? I am sure they brought you up really well dont get me wrong but this is just odd although it wouldnt be such a bad thing if you never wanted a g/f or anything you would be spared alot of drama lol

 
Old 03-15-2006, 01:32 PM   #7
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Re: My Parents

My parents were great parents, other then the sex issue. I think a possibility for their behavior might be that both their parents died before they entered high school. So since they were never talked to about sex, then they dont talk to me about it either.

Last edited by jtm; 03-15-2006 at 01:32 PM.

 
Old 03-15-2006, 02:58 PM   #8
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Re: My Parents

I think that some parents are too embarrassed to talk about sex. That's prob. what's going on. My parents never talked to me about sex and during my adolescence I did not get any affection. I still felt attracted to the opposite sex. I guess what happened is I made bad choices and slept around looking for love. I did not have the dating advice others may have had.

Having an attraction to the opposite sex has nothing to do with how much your parents talk about it. You will be attracted even if you do not have parents - it's instinctual. So, that being said, you have to find within yourself where the problem lies. Stop blaming your parents and look deep into yourself. You may just be in denial of the issue. Maybe you really are nervous around girls but you fool yourself into thinking you are not. Maybe you really are gay (not a bad thing) but you haven't explored that yet. Maybe you just have not interest in girls right now. I guess crazier things could happen.

 
Old 03-15-2006, 03:02 PM   #9
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Re: My Parents

I am not gay in any way. My parents arent totally to blame but I would be very different if they had talked to me about it. I perceive their reluctance to talk about it as them saying that dating is inappropriate.

Last edited by jtm; 03-15-2006 at 03:02 PM.

 
Old 03-16-2006, 03:39 AM   #10
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Re: My Parents

Maybe you have a hormonal inbalance? I can remember being attracted to boys as young as 6..........

 
Old 03-16-2006, 07:21 PM   #11
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Re: My Parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by jtom
My point is not that im this antisocial guy who is afraid of girls. I talk to alot of girls and I do hang out with girls in groups. I was just bought up in an unusual way and have no attraction to them. Basically im not writing this to receive dating advice, rather im here to see if others have been through what I have.
Sorry Jtom, I misunderstood your post.
Good luck. You may want to see a behaviouralist or psychologist to understand why.

 
Old 03-23-2006, 01:40 PM   #12
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Re: My Parents

Hmmm, I think what you are asking is why aren't you attracted to the opposite sex, right? Have you ever had any kind of sexual feelings? Sorry if this gets too personal but do you masterbate at all? If not, you may have, like dizzygirl said, a hormonal imbalance. Also, have you ever been abused? If so, you could be unconsciencely repressing any kind of sexual feelings you should be having. A 21 year old man should be humping just about anything that comes near him (so to speak ) or atleast wanting to. I would definately go to your doctor about this. I know it will be unconfortable but he will be able to do blood tests that can rule out or rule in something physical. Good luck, hun!

 
Old 03-23-2006, 08:50 PM   #13
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Re: My Parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by jennfaery
Hmmm, I think what you are asking is why aren't you attracted to the opposite sex, right? Have you ever had any kind of sexual feelings? Sorry if this gets too personal but do you masterbate at all? If not, you may have, like dizzygirl said, a hormonal imbalance. Also, have you ever been abused? If so, you could be unconsciencely repressing any kind of sexual feelings you should be having. A 21 year old man should be humping just about anything that comes near him (so to speak ) or atleast wanting to. I would definately go to your doctor about this. I know it will be unconfortable but he will be able to do blood tests that can rule out or rule in something physical. Good luck, hun!

I masturbate occasionally to relief stress. Dont get me wrong, when I see an attractive girl I look and like what I see. I just dont have any desire to pursue girls in an intimate relationship. I have never been abused.

I went to the doctors a few weeks because of chronic fatigue. I mentioned my nonexistant sexual desire as a symptom and the doc took all kinds of blood tests and found nothing wrong with me.

 
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