Originally Posted by hayley0610
well it is and isnt a diary first off let me explain that my dd was in his room looking for something and he had a notepad out with some "thoughts" in it. i felt i needed to read it cause he never talks to me, has been getting into trouble lately and we cant seem to figure out why.so pls no comments about how terrible it was that i read it. I cant write what was all in there but ill give u an idea. he used alot of sexual content, as in what a male and female teacher could be doing together, and that he hates them both and he called other students, hookers, hoes and other derogitory terms. He mentioned who he had crushes on and that he felt some of the girls he didnt like were sexual with each other!!(in hateful terms) now id expect this off of a 16 yr old but not him. he also mentioned he couldnt wait to get to jun high next yr as his brother knows a lot of babes and is gonna hook him up so he can tap their a*%!!!!!! now he hasnt even kissed a girl!! my bestfriend and her dh say its totally normal! but my dh and i dont think it is.we are finding out things about him everyday that seem to be shocking! we spoke to him about it and he said he was just kidding around and trying to sound cool. my mom thinks we need to get him therapy but i dont. i was in therapy when i was his age and it was a bunch of garbage as far as i was concerned. i just didnt think 11 almost 12 yr olds thought like this! my mom thinks it may have to do with the fact that a yr ago we explained that my dh wasnt his bio dad but he seemed to take it fine and we told him if he had any questions to come to us but he hasnt, i think thats just a cop out and has nothing to do with his new found naughtiness.
I know it's scary to read hateful thoughts coming from your own child, but possibly he's simply writing his own "porn", if you know what I mean.
He's probably at or near puberty, and beginning to resent the power that girls/women suddenly have over him.
What he has written may simply be an (unsuccessful) attempt to put them "in their place", at least in his own mind... to make it to where they do not have such power over him.
You must face the fact that we live in a society that routinely belittles and denigrates females, especially those who are powerful or successful in traditionally male-dominated fields, as well as those who are perceived to "use" their sexuality or attractiveness to gain control over men (ie "hoes", "b*tches", etc).
Even though I'm sure your son did not learn these terms or this way of thinking from you, or in your home, boys can hardly avoid being exposed to and learning sexism/ misogyny at school, in the media, and among their peers.
If I were you, I would not confront him about the private thoughts he has written down; he would see it as an invasion of his privacy, and would be embarrassed, defensive, and resentful.
Instead, I'd simply wait a few days and then initiate a discussion (the first of a series
of discussions) about how females are people too, just like males, and about the inappropriateness of over-generalizing, of stereotyping women, and of expressing hostility toward all women in general (or all of any
group of people).
Maybe you can get him to open up and discuss examples he's seen (either in the media or among his friends) of females being negatively stereotyped because of their gender.
I am also the mother of teenage boys; it is a struggle and a challenge, but I truly think it is our responsibility to raise our boys to be a different type of men... a type of men that recognize racism and sexism for what they are, and who are willing to fight injustice and to openly defend the equality of all people.