Re: Help!! Any advice or opinions...Please
I was a month away from my 12th birthday when my mom got remarried...
12 is just SOOO awkward and hormonal anyhow, especially for girls... and to throw in a divorce AND a new man can be unbearable...even though as adults, we look at it as "our" issue, not the childrens.
In hindsight...my parents often NOW say, that family counseling would have been a good idea. They would send my brother and I over the years, and tell the counselors we had issues with "bad friends"....I remember once telling a counselor its not my friends, it was my parents..and he would NOT let me talk about them!!
My mom used to do so much with us when my dad was gone... she took us to plays, on trips with our grandparents.... and the MINUTE she got remarried...we never had those experiences again...everything became she and the stepdad. He even actually sat us down, and told us, at 9 and 12, that HE came first to our mother now, and we came second...because someday we'd be grown and gone, and they'd only have each other.
I couldn't get out fast enough...i counted the days until i turned 18...moved out immediately, and never went back....but also never finished college...started having children at 19....sigh.
The other posters are right... take it slow....put the kids first for a few more years... and I'd suggest family counseling.... step parenting (whenever you make it official) is complex, and it can never hurt to have some guidelines and outside interferrence!!