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Old 03-28-2006, 05:16 PM   #1
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Des11 HB User
I need some advice my 12 year old is having some issues

Hi everyone,
I need some advice. My son a very innocent 12 year old has been having some issue in school with the "Popular" children in his previous school he had a pretty good circle of friends but middle school for him has been a diffrent story. They have been teasing him about alot i could only imagine what goes on at that school yesterday on the way home from school he told me that they told another child to stay away from him because he may make advances towards him because he is a homosexual i could not belive that the new thing in his school is to call others gay i cant belive this !!!

I had a long talk with my son and he started to cry telling me i dont understand that popular kids run things and that they can say what ever they want and everyone will belive them, i said thay he should not take to heart so much of what they are saying that he will not die if they dont like him you know what he said to me that he will DIE i could not belive he said thatmy son always want to be like by everyone i 1st noticed this in 2nd grade i did some more talking but im afraid that i;m not saying the right things to him.

My heart breaks for my son i worry about him the minute i drop him off at school they mistake his kindness and innocense for being weak.

I asked him how things went today and he said ok just one child was teasing him in front of others about playing a online magic game saying go become a magic wizard. i asked him if he would like to talk to the school consular and he said no i said that i would call her and tell her what is going on i also told him maybe it would be a good idea for him talk to some other than me about it some one he could tell everything about but he said he cant talk to her he said that she is nice but he just cant.

NOW what do i do about this ????????????????
PLEASE HELP
SORRY THIS IS LONG
DES

 
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Old 03-29-2006, 12:19 AM   #2
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Deena_05 HB User
Re: I need some advice my 12 year old is having some issues

Hey!

My younger brother was the same way as your son.
My mom struggled with this for so long, but it seems like no matter what she did made it worse. I wish there was something you can do, and maybe I'm naive, but I'm just speaking from what's happened in my family that there isn't. Kids that age are so incredibly immature, ESPECIALLY boys. Well, my brother suffered and suffered until earlier this year when he began feeling good about himself and voila! He has friends. People don't pick on him anymore. If you don't have a good image about yourself, why would other people? People will respect you if you respect yourself. That can't be TAUGHT to a child, but you can get him involved with something like karate or a sport so he'll get that self esteem. Once he feels better about himself, once he realizes that it is NOT okay to be walked all over, this will change in a heartbeat...

I wish your son the best. I saw how upset my brother always was, and I hope your son has the same outcome as my brother did but far before he's 17

 
Old 03-30-2006, 12:48 PM   #3
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sawbuck44 HB Usersawbuck44 HB Usersawbuck44 HB User
Re: I need some advice my 12 year old is having some issues

Some schools have a zero tolerance policy for bullying. Bullying is a major issue, especially in middle schools. It seems that after 5th grade, relationships between boys change. Who was friends in elementary school are in a different group in middle school and won't even exchange a friendly 'hi' anymore. My son is 14 in 8th grade. He is 6'3" and 187 lbs. Not too many people pick on him anymore, but they still say things. He tried out for the baseball team and didn't make it. He accidentally threw something towards a table at lunchtime of boys that did make the team. One of the boys said, '***, that didn't make the team.' My son and his friends at their lunch table just laughed it off (yes, lunch tables are sacred grounds and there is a leader for each table that says who stays and who goes).

6th and 7th grade was very hard for my son. He was teased a lot, called 'Flamingo' and a few kids said they were going to beat him up. My oldest son (17) never had a bullying problem. They are two very different people though. My older son is mature and ignores the kids that are annoying and they don't pay him any mind. My youngest goofs around with his friends a lot and gets noticed more by the bullies. He will mouth off to start and if someone says something to him, he responds in a like manner. To this point, there has been no physical contact. But, let me tell you, when someone threatened to have two eighth graders beat him up (he was a 6th grader at the time), I called the principal. It was handled extremely well and the boys ended up being friends. The principal spoke to each separately then together.

Bullying will not go away. I have a niece in Florida with a son who gets picked on relentlessly. I believe it has affected him mentally as it would anyone. My sister's son also gets picked on due to his weight.

One of the things I told my youngest was that I couldn't wait until he made friends that didn't get a kick out of teasing each other. I told him that one day someone is going to get mad and hit someone. Unfortunately, a lot of kids get bullied. There are a number of websites that deal with techniques and what your child should do. The main thing I told my son was never hit first - you can hit back, but if you do - be ready! They cannot feel like they can't defend themselves. Laughing it off or ignoring it is another way. If the bully can make you cry, he has the power and he loves that feeling. If you keep giving him that feeling, he'll keep on you. We have to think in the mindset of what the bully is thinking and why he is doing these things. That way, we can counteract the action with something that may make the bully move on to an easier target.

Self-confidence must be retained. It sounds like your son is losing his. Deena was right. Get your son involved in sports - through school or the town. He will meet a lot of kids and not feel so isolated. I had both my sons in karate but they got bored just as they were about to get a green belt and do weapons! That didn't even keep them interested. School clubs or band is also good. My 14yo plays percussion in the band. If your son is interested in playing any sports in school, he needs to get experience prior to trying out most times. My son tried out in 7th and 8th grade for basketball and did not make it. Now here he is trying out for baseball which he's played since he was 8 and still didn't make it. Don't know what it takes to make it on a school team - politics probably. Be supportive, but be calm and quietly supportive. If you see something happening that could escalate, call the school. If you want to be proactive, tell the school that you see bullying as an issue with more than just your son and ask them what their policy is in dealing with it.
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Old 04-11-2006, 10:15 PM   #4
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Karen W. HB User
Re: I need some advice my 12 year old is having some issues

Hi,
Your son dose not deserve this and should not have to deal with this daily, My son went threw this at his high school, my son has some health issues, he had addison's disease, he has to take steroids daily and because of the steroids, he has gained so much weight, he was teased so bad and we got no where with it, I pulled him out of the school, I had found a school that was for kids who did not fit in or had other problems, it was a small charter school and he loved it, you may consider it if things don't get better, This schools are all over the place now, sometimes teens become parents early in life and have to work or some times it's health issues, one teen I talked to could not handle the stress of being teased becasue he was smart, because he was so smart he was harassed, kids and teens can be cruel, there was a girl who was teased all the time because she was very pretty, she was so stressed she started skipping school just so she would not have to deal with it, it was so traumatic for her. I know what your going threw and it's so upsetting, why dose this bulling have to go on, ask your son if these kids pick on other students, maybe you could talk to there parents also and see what there opinion is on this.
Karen

 
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