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Old 04-09-2006, 11:11 PM   #1
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Those Darn Teenagers

So this is concerning co-ed sleepovers. Our family has recently moved from the east to the midwest and it's been hardest on my daughter, Jessie, who's 15. She had to leave a lot of friends, but met two here in the midwest. Thing is, they're both guys.

They go to a small school where I teach, so I know these boys personally. Actually, one of her friends' family has been friends with our own from way back when we both lived in the east. Family friends. My husband and I have known Greg since he was tiny. My daughter is the same age as him and they used to play with each other when they were younger. When they met up here, they just seemed to pick up where they left off. They're more like siblings than anything.

The other guy is Greg's friend, Casey. He's a year older than the two of them and is amazingly smart... he's quite the clever kid. He's comfortable talking with me and speaks as if he were an adult himself. Greg, on the other hand, is the wild one of the three and always goofs off. He'd be the one that you'd see riding the babies' merry-go-round at the mall-- just for kicks. They have good hearts, I know.

Jessie talks to these guys for hours on the messenger program and they go out almost every weekend and totally goof off. Greg and Casey's parents both know Jessie well and they're the closest friends I've seen... ever. You can hardly separate them. Eventually, Jessie started going over Greg's house with Casey for the night on some weekends. The third or fourth time she went over, my husband and I started to do what any parent would do... worry.

Now, the two of us are very close and she's such a smart girl-- mature for her age and everything. She's always been like that. Of course I trust her, and I know those boys so well. It's my husband that gets extremely upset when she goes over there. The boys' parents don't mind it at all; she's "one of the guys". My husband and I talked to her about it last week and told her that we didn't want her spending the night there anymore. She didn't take it so well, probably because they're her best friends here and she doesn't feel a connection with the other kids around here. She misses her friends back home and she said that us denying her permission to stay the night there is really upsetting. And I understand that, it's just... I don't know. Not appropriate?

You always hear those stories about crazy hormone-driven teenagers doing all kinds of things at night and ruining their lives forever. In my heart, I know they wouldn't do that. But it's just... growing up, our times were different.

Am I just old fashioned? Should I let her go?

 
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Old 04-10-2006, 09:19 AM   #2
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Re: Those Darn Teenagers

The world is too scary, in my opinion.... I think I'm in that "old fashioned" boat though, as someone here once responded to my post that what I said was the "stupidest thing they'd ever heard", (putting a 14 yr old who'd been sneaking into the alcohol cabinet into drug/alcohol counseling... hmph)

I have to say, I'm with your husband on this one. The smartest, most intelligent, coolest kids are still adolescents, and can have a total brain fart and do the most off the wall thing you'd ever imagine, and then tell you they have NO IDEA why they did it!! Of course they're fine to hang out, and go out as a group...but I don't think overnight is appropriate at her age.

 
Old 04-10-2006, 01:06 PM   #3
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Re: Those Darn Teenagers

You don't think that, if they tried something, it'd be awkward because I see them every day? Jessie's known Greg for eight years.

It's nice to have another parent backing me on this.

 
Old 04-10-2006, 10:09 PM   #4
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Re: Those Darn Teenagers

It could be very awkward....but I think whats most important is to avoid any of them having to deal with the reprocussions of trying..or even THINKING about trying, ya know?

Sometimes, as smart as they are... they don't know what's best for them.

 
Old 04-11-2006, 11:57 AM   #5
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Re: Those Darn Teenagers

I would be very concerned. Girls at this age should not be having sleep overs at boys houses. Your putting her in a situation that shes not old enough to be able to handle. No matter how mature her and the boys are.Your asking for trouble. Sorry but thats my opinion.

 
Old 04-13-2006, 09:59 PM   #6
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Re: Those Darn Teenagers

I am 23 and I still think that it would be completely inappropriate to allow your daughter to have co-ed sleep overs. Not only does that make you look bad as parents but you are putting her in a situation for something to happen. Even if you don't believe it would happen in a million years, you should not be that relaxed as a parent. Definately not teaching good morals in my opinion.

 
Old 04-13-2006, 10:33 PM   #7
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Re: Those Darn Teenagers

also you should have never let her go over there in the first place to spend the night. Now it is hard to go back because she will say "you already let me do it." And of course the boys parents do not mind because parents are usually more protective of the girls when it comes to these types of thing. Double standard, I know, but true for many.

 
Old 04-20-2006, 08:53 AM   #8
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Re: Those Darn Teenagers

I have 3 children. One of which is a girl who is 14. I would never allow this. You sound like a very good concerend mom. Who only wants good things for her daughter and would never intentionally put your daughter in harms way.

However I think in this instance. You may be letting the guilt you feel about moving your daughter away from her friends get the better of you. I also have a daughter who was dx'd with a chronic illness two years agao. Believe me I know the guilt a mother feels when they are feeling life is just not fair to their children. In the same breath I will tell you. Boys..no matter how good, intellegent,trustworthy,ect ect. Have raging hormone that at any point in time will take away all of their so called good intellengence and the capacity to make good decisions in an instant.

All of the reasons you are thinking that they will not do anything or how they will feel if they did around you may not be how it really is. I think just about every kid growing up has something in their past that they did... that they never told their parents about and went on with their lives each day and no-one was the wiser. Big issue or not...just something they would rather NOT have their parents find out about.

I think your husband is on the right track here. He probably remembers being that age. Her being a good kid can be rewarded in other ways besides permission to have co-ed sleepovers. Complete and total trust in teenagers I think is never a wise idea...just don't let your kids know that.

Good luck to you!!

 
Old 04-23-2006, 10:22 AM   #9
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Re: Those Darn Teenagers

Quote:
Originally Posted by lauralu2000
You may be letting the guilt you feel about moving your daughter away from her friends get the better of you.
I agree.

Co-ed sleepovers at that age is not asking for trouble - it's begging for it. Be tough, Mom!

 
Old 05-01-2006, 10:10 AM   #10
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Re: Those Darn Teenagers

Bad bad bad idea. I teach this age group and boys especially are full of hormones!!!! Like the previous poster said, don't let your guilt keep you from making responsible decisions as a parent. Your daughter should not be having sleep overs with boys - no matter how long she has known them. Kids experiment and your daughter is no exception to that. She is also capable of having sex and getting pregnant. I don't know of too many parents who would ever allow this. Your husband is right and you are the parents. If your daughter doesn't like it, too bad! When she is an adult, she can make her own decisions about sleep overs.

 
Old 05-03-2006, 01:01 PM   #11
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Re: Those Darn Teenagers

Don't let your daughter do co-ed at 14. No, no, no way. I'm only 19, and not a parent, but just from personal experience, I know how kids are, it's not smart. Regardless of how smart and mature your daughter is...things happen. I've always been smart and very mature for my age, but I made my mistakes.

However, there will have to be a time where you need to let her go.

I agree that you need to protect your kids, but you also need to let your kids experience things so they know how to handle themselves and situations when they're older. What I'm saying is, don't say no until she's 20! She needs some experience with those types of situations that can get complicated. I know it may not make any sense, but that's how I feel.

My parents started to understand that, lol. They don't approve of some things, but they know there's no other way to learn and develop as a person...

Just not at 14! Or even 16 or 17...haha.

 
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