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Old 04-13-2006, 01:10 PM   #1
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lovethoscurls HB User
BF's Daughters

I posted this on another board so I am hoping it doesn't get deleted, but then I found this one and thought maybe it would be better off here.

I have just recently moved in with my bf and his two daughters who he has custody of. His girls adore me. His Ex-Wife seems to have a huge problem with this, as she has told them on more then one occasion that she thinks they like me more then they like her. Which honestly is probably true as she isn't the nicest mother in the world. Ex- Making them stay out side all day because her bf was "grouchy" unless they were going to be completely silent in 30' F weather. Like the fact that he has custody because he wanted it and she told him "as long as you pay off my car and catch me up on my bills you can have them". Nice, don't you think? Anyway, she is still their mom and they love her. The obviously talk about me while they are with her for her to have said this to them, as they talk to me about her. I would however never put her down in front of them. Never, that is their mom and they love her. I really don't want them to think they "can't" like me because it is hurting their mom's feelings. Is there something I can do to make this a win win situation? They haven't acted any different yet, but have brought this up with my bf, their dad. I fear if she keeps saying this to them it will affect how they act with me. Any advice?

 
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Old 04-14-2006, 09:37 AM   #2
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Re: BF's Daughters

I really don't think there is a way to make this into something where everyone will win. The two girls will always hold a place in their hearts for their mother because she was there when they were young, but that doesn't mean it's wrong for them to like you. There's no way to really tell them who they should feel closer to because it's entirely up to them. If they adore you, then that's a very good thing. Quite often in relationships, the children and the new partner do not get along, so you definitely have something good going.

The mother doesn't sound like a very pleasant woman, so I can see how the girls would warm up to someone who doesn't make them freeze outside. The best advice I can offer you is to keep doing what you are doing - it seems to be working out okay, and unless the mother approaches you or your boyfriend because she has a problem with something or with you, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with your current trend.

 
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Old 04-14-2006, 10:19 AM   #3
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Re: BF's Daughters

Love...i believe I've talked with ya on another board!!

Anyhow...I'm a stepmom...for over 15 yrs now...when I met my husband, his son was 2 years old...and wow, did I hear the wildest things...he'd call me his "daddy's honkey lady" and all kind of other racial things... so obviously coming from his mother. It didn't take long at all though, for her to come around less and less...within months she was hardly ever seeing him anymore. Over the years, she only ever wanted him to get welfare, and as soon as the checks came, she'd have a story for why he had to come live with us again... He's 17 now...its been hard on him, he's wanted so badly to love his "mommy" over the years.

He went thru a phase where he called me mommy...then to "i don't want anyone to think your my mother"...I think whats most important, is to not take things personally...and it sounds like you think that way...that you want to respect their mother's role, etc. No matter how rotten she is, or what awful thing she might do... always respect that. There may be rough patches where its a lose-lose situation... just always be consistent in your convictions, and your attitude...and when they come out of the fog of adolecence...they'll know who cared for them, who was good to them, who loved them.

My stepsons mom hasn't seen him in at least a year...and she's changed her cell phone number without giving him the new number... he's still hurt, but he knows I'm here for him, and have been thru the years, and always will be.

Good luck!

 
Old 04-17-2006, 09:13 AM   #4
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lovethoscurls HB User
Re: BF's Daughters

I guess you are right, I should just keep doing what I am doing. I just fear that she will take it out on them. Hopefully the girls will see I do love them and care for them and everything will keep going as good as it is going now.

Angel- Yes we have talked before, hope everything is going well for you!

 
Old 04-17-2006, 09:13 AM   #5
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lovethoscurls HB User
Re: BF's Daughters

I guess you are right, I should just keep doing what I am doing. I just fear that she will take it out on them. Hopefully the girls will see I do love them and care for them and everything will keep going as good as it is going now.

Angel- Yes we have talked before, hope everything is going well for you!

 
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