My sister is 14 (I am 10 yrs older then her) and she keeps a diary but does not write in it too frequently. In the past I have mentioned to my mom that she should occasionally read it behind her back because I am concerned due to the friends she hangs out with. Since my sister is a leader and not a follower my mom said she didn't think problems would come up. I recently read it and was a little disturbed. But let me give some background here. The friends I was concerned about both started having sex and smoking at 12. The one is a diabetic and also drinks and does drugs. In the past few months my sister has drifted apart from them and no longer really talks to them. She goes to a private christain school and has a very small class of 6 girls. Her friends do not go to this school. So back to the diary, I read it the other day and in there she wrote that a boy that is older then her by a year or 2, I think, asked her to take off her clothes and make out with him. I know this boy had asked her out and me and my parents told her no, way!! But she did behind my parents back. For about a month they talked online mostly "dirty talk". then he had a christmas party at his house and invited a pile of kids, which included my sister and asked her to get in a closet with him, take off her clothes and make out. She agreed to do it but a week before changed her mind and told him no, so he broke up with her. So no harm done. But my family is christian and believes in no sex before marriage. So I told my mom what I read in there. Now since it was in her diary there is no way we can confront her on the issue. The only real "problem" I have with the whole thing is for one, she agreed. But mostly I don't want her to feel in the future she has to give it up to keep her boyfriend. How do you bring it up without mentioning i read it all in the diary? I guess I should stay out of it but my parents are extremely naive and never keep tabs on my sister thinking she won't go wrong. Of course, my mom was shocked over it all. Sorry this got long but it has been really bothering me.
I think you should be giving your sister a bit of credit for doing the right thing with the boyfriend and the girlfriends. I think you should let her have her privacy and not speak of you reading her diary though I understand why.
I know you are concerned for her but she seems to be trying to do the right thing. I think if you said anything she could overreact and not trust you if she did have a problem.
I agree with the other poster... she felt the peer pressure...but in the end, she choose the right thing, and that's what matters!
I went to a private christian school in the 7th grade. It was a small K-12 school, and the 7th thru 12th graders were on the same schedule. In hindsight, what an absolutely HORRIBLE mistake I think those administrators made in combining middle school age kids with high school age kids. Religion or not, some kids will be kids...hormones are raging, things get out of control. I recall, the 12th grade boys, asking me and my 7th grade friend to lift our shirts, and show them our breasts... man, I felt such pressure in that moment...especially because my friend, full of giggles, was HAPPY to lift her shirt and appease the boys... I couldn't go thru with it...and I was teased, and made fun of the rest of the school year.
It didn't seem easy to be a kid when I was...and I'm 33 now... I would never want to have to deal with the pressures the kids today have to go through. I have 6 kids, the oldest hasn't been an angel, but he's finally maturing and doing much better...my next is 14, and so far so good... I only have 1 girl though, and she's 10...I'm already worried for her...
It's a hard time for your sister...I don't think you need to mention the diary...just be open with her, keep an open line of communication with her, she may just come to YOU in a bind if you can keep that kind of relationship... talk to her, in general, so she knows your concerns, teach her what you've learned in the last 10 yrs, etc.
I am sorry, she's a teen around boys, at an age when shes discovering her sexuality and hormones are raging, and your parents are in denial of her wrong behaviour? what do you expect?
I think its pretty terrible her diary was read and shared amongst the family. she chose what she wanted to do with this boy so if something bad happened, chalk it up to inexperience/bad choice/life lesson, but to have her family which should be her rock invade her privacy behind her back is awful. Didn't you have feelings like her at her age? or if you didn't express them, are you wishing you could have so easily as she (1st child syndrome, am to please the parents by being 'perfect')? As her sister, i would think you should be a bit more understanding.
OK, now that everyone has flogged you for being a nosy sister, why don't we address your question?
1. Don't read her diary again -- she obviously has morals as she made the morally-correct decisions.
2. Try to connect with her as a concerned older sister, addressing general issues, nothing in particular. Like, "I remember what it was like to be 15 and discovering guys aren't so yucky after all", and actually engaging her in a meaningful conversation without being accusatory or judgmental.
3. If your parents are unwilling or unable to accept their daughter is in over her head on some issues, you deal with it -- invite your sister over for a girls' weekend, get her involved in a youth group at church where there are adults that aren't afraid to get involved.
4. Don't read her diary again, unless you have a real concern -- actions on your sister's part that cannot be ignored. This does not mean talking secretively on the phone or anything else you can dream up, but actual scary concerns. At that point, privacy is a moot point and safety moves WAY up the list.
1. you should NEVER read someone else's diary! you are the kind of person i would never want as a friend.
obviously your sister did the right thing and you did not.
you may have been a goodie-2-shoes when you were 14, but your sister has a head on her shoulders and did the right thing. at 14 we are discovering ourselves and our bodies, we learn about men, and sex, and sexual things. let her learn. don't talk to her about it, it's none of your business. what you should do is tell her that you read the diary.
if she cant trust her own sister, she will turn elsewhere.
i think you need a hobbie. or maybe you should become a detective...
I am glad that your sister made the right choice. yes It isn't the best thing to do is read someone elses diary and sharing it with others. But that is up tp you and I am glad to see that you care about your sister. I keep my own diary and I willl not let anyone read it. At t school someone took pages out of my journal and never gave it back. they lied to me and said they didn't take it. I told the person EVERY SINGLE day to not touch my stuff and NOT to look at it. and still she didn't listen. I hope you and your sister are ok. Don't worry she'll be fine. Who ever said that they wouldn't want you as their friend just because you read something in your siters diary is not so nice. She is your sister and you have a right to be concerned.
First off I am the youngest girl in my family, I have 4 older sisters. Not once did they ever read or invade my presonal privacy. They showed concern for me through other ways. I was not the perfect child, I made a lot of wrong decisions, but not once did my sis. read my diary!! That is just wrong!! Did you have a reason not to trust your sister?? You were checking up on her, having to read her diary!! Trying to prove something to your parents that your an angel and she isn't?? Did your sister give you any reason what so ever to be reading her diary?? Probably not, taking that fact she turned that guy down!! She probably isn't using drugs heavy, or drinking heavy, probably not sneaking out of the house, nor running away, probably not even staying out way past curfew!! You just wanted some reason to get your sister in trouble (like sisters do), but when that didn't work it left you speechless!! STAY OUT OF OTHER PEOPLE PRIVATE STUFF, WOULD YOU LIKE SOMEONE TO BE INVADING YOUR PRIVATE STUFF?? PROBABLY NOT!! LIKE THE BIBLE SAYS TREAT YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED!! REMEMBER THAT. Don't worry I am a mother of three I have 2 girls, in this kind of world don't you think i am going to be terrified to send them to school. OHH I'm going to be, but I want my daughters to trust me, and to be able to come to me no matter what happens.. If I read their diary do you think they are going to trust me...NO...that means I don't trust them...so why should they trust me??
Let me start by saying that growing up in my house we NEVER were disillusioned that we had any sort of privacy. If I didn't want my parents to know what I was up to, then I better be darn good at hiding it. I see no issue with you having concern for your sister and reading her diary. It really should have been your mom who was the one, but if you have a genuine concern, I would have done the same. I guess some people will say I'm going to hel*. Ha Ha. The biggest issue today is that parents have NO IDEA what their children are up to. My parents were not my friends, they were my parents. My husband's mom used to check their room all the time. This is how she found out whether his brother was stealing, ect...
My friends went to a very small catholic school in NJ under the BB Bridge. The classes were as small as your sister's classes. I went to public school. My girlfriends who went to this school learned to start having sex and doing drugs in 8th grade! I was WAY out of my element when around them and starting getting new friends. B/c their class only had about 2 guys, they all had their turn sleeping with them! If you think your sister is having some trouble, talk to her. After talking with one of my girlfriend's about this, she reminded me about her time at this particular school and shocked the socks right off of my feet. Just because she went to a "nice catholic school" didn't mean a thing. Being a teenager is really really hard. You won't always make the right decision, and in today's world, making the wrong one can lead to many other things. Talk to your sister and be there for her when she needs advice. Good luck!