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Old 05-22-2006, 08:36 PM   #1
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Unhappy 3 year old daughter won't hug daddy

Its been awhile since I've posted anything...but I am very saddened by how my 3 year old daughter is treating her daddy. I'm not sure if how I am handling it is right. Tonight, like most nights, when I am putting her to bed I tell her to say goodnight to whomever is around. We live with my mother, and so my DD will give her a kiss and hug goodnight. But for some reason she does not want to hug or kiss daddy goodnight. She doesn't even want to say goodnight to him. Occassionally she will. But more often then I like, she turns her head and says she doesn't want to. Maybe I shouldn't be making her do this...but my reaction to this is...".....You need to give daddy a kiss goodnight!He loves you and he feels bad when you don't hug or kiss him!" I have demanded she do this...which I'm sure I am only making the problem worse by doing so, but I just don't know what else to do! I feel HORRIBLE when she does this to him, I can't imagine how he feels. Most of her time is spent with me...he doesn't spend much quality time with her and I'm sure this is a good indication as to why she is behaving how she is behaving. But How do I make her realize that he does love her and that he feels bad when she snubs him? To be honest, my husband shows our 17 month old son more affection then he does her...I guess another question I would have is...How do I approach my husband so that he isn't defensive? I bet if he spent more time with her she would come around...Am I answering my questions here? If I am, then I guess I just need to let it out and just hear some other ladies (or mens) thoughts on this. Anything would help... I really feel horrible. I want my DD to have a great relationship with her daddy because I never had one with mine. My mom always made us feel like our dad was an idiot and so we grew up looking down at him and feeling like he wasn't that great. I can't have this....ESPECIALLY were my husband is leaving in August for a 16 month deployment to Kosovo. (Hes military.) AAGGHHHH!!! I'm so torn right now..... Our lives are being flipped upside down....and its my kids that are going to suffer more so....I'm going on and on I appologize. I just can't stand it that he is leaving for so long....Even though I knew this was inevitable...he is military after all.ANd I respect that wholeheartedly....but it still tears me up and I still want my DD to love him the way she should and show him she loves him.
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Old 05-22-2006, 10:34 PM   #2
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Re: 3 year old daughter won't hug daddy

My husband and daughter went thru a similar phase at about that same age... I don't think you should push it...you mentioned how you were made to feel about your dad, don't try to overcompensate with your daughter...you husband is not your father...you are not your mother!! Maybe have daddy ask if he can give her a kiss on the cheek or forehead... instead of telling her to go and kiss daddy. If your husband's at all like mine...he may not even mind that she's going thru this phase! It may be bother you more than anyone because of your childhood. I'm sure it's just the dynamics of her being with you more than her, and feeling more comfortable with mom and grandma... she'll build a relationship with daddy.

It will pass... be affectionate with your husband in front of your daughter... respect each other...she'll learn to be the same way. My daughter is 10 now, and OH MY GOSH...what a daddy's girl!!!!

 
Old 05-23-2006, 12:18 PM   #3
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Re: 3 year old daughter won't hug daddy

Please don't force your daughter to kiss her daddy. She may be going through a developmental phase or she may actually have a reason not to do so.

Also, you are setting her up to go against her own boundaries if some molester decides to touch her.

 
Old 05-23-2006, 12:58 PM   #4
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Re: 3 year old daughter won't hug daddy

does her daddy have a beard or facial hair that may be putting her off?

 
Old 05-23-2006, 01:57 PM   #5
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Re: 3 year old daughter won't hug daddy

I would try to find out why she doesn't want to show him affection. true, there are developmental phases but I wouldn't just chalk it up to that unless I was sure. maybe try playing a game and getting her distracted then slip in a question or two about daddy, kids are more prone to open up if they don't realize they are doing it. it could be as simple as a beard or mustache or even a cologne he uses. as a father and a committer of the "not being around" sin, I can tell you, it does cause issues down the road. I now have a 21 yo and a 14 yo both boys, I have great realtionship with them NOW, but have had to work hard for it. if he loves her, and I'm sure he does, he won't get offended and defensive, if you don't start out that way. just be sure he can invision down the road a few years and how he wants their relationship to be, say around the time of her wedding. it won't be as far away as either of you think.

 
Old 05-24-2006, 01:48 PM   #6
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Re: 3 year old daughter won't hug daddy

Thanks everyone! I feel alot better. My husband isn't really worried about it...she hugs and kisses him when he comes home from work. Shes' very happy to see him then. So he doesn't feel bad. He thinks its just because she hates going to bed. He does have a little scruff...so he says hes' gonna keep clean for a week to rule it out. Thanks again.
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Old 05-24-2006, 09:30 PM   #7
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Re: 3 year old daughter won't hug daddy

Just to let everyone know that my husband tried asking her if he could kiss her goodnight and she was more than willing. then he went into the other room and we didn't make an issue out of it. Then as she was walking down the hall to her room, she stopped at our bedroom where my husband was and gave him a hug goodnight. He was very sweet with her and i think she sensed his sincerness. Thanks for the advice.
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