My 10 yr old is all eyes and ears and overly worried.
My hubby and I try and keep all of our financial and other issues private, but he always seems to overhear when there is trouble, and pretty soon he's upset. He's always trying to discuss these things with us and you can just see his little wheels turning trying to make things right. He is soooo adult! Even other adults comment on how very "mature" he is. In fact, he won't stand for being spoken to "like a kid"...In a recent convo with me he related that he can't stand that his paternal grandmother does not speak to him with respect!!!
I'll admit, some of this IS our fault. It's a very long and involved story but we had some very rough years in which we lost our home, had the Electric cut off, and at one point even had our vehicle repossessed. It was during this time that my brother in law and his family also lived with us (we were trying to support 9 people on two wages), and the B-i-l could be VERY abusive towards his wife and to me. Again, I tried hard to shield my son from it, but to this day he is concerned for that family and their stead. ( At least They live apart from us now!!)
He's very compassionate and understanding, eager to listen and learn, always trying to take things to the next level. He's also highly intelligent (ranked at least 7th grade 5th month in all of his skills testing, and he's just finished 3rd!) Watches the news and weather channels fervently... He just takes these things in, and tries to make sense of it all. He floors me much of the time.
Yet, he's extremely sensitive. Bursts into tears at the slightest thing, and takes the slightest "Betrayal" by a friend to heart. And by betrayal I mean, the next door neighbor can choose another friend over my son, and Jr will be "destroyed"....Or as I mentioned before, if there is the slightest hint of financial woe, he's immediately telling us he doesn't want his allowance or to take his current favorite toy back to the store for a refund, or that he doesn't really need to eat (breakfast, lunch, supper) today....
This emotional side of him just drives me NUTS. I absolutely do not know how to handle it! Whenever it's in regards to our issues (hubby's and mine) I always try to reassure him that these are "grown-up" problems and since we're the grown ups, we'll resolve them, that they're not HIS to worry about, but it doesn't seem to do any good! He just mulls it over and ponders and comes to us with varied ways of solving the problem (and he's really got some great ideas) and of course I thank him for that, but I wonder if by Thanking him, I'm just making the problem worse???
Overall, I really just want my CHILD to be and act like a CHILD (have fun!!!) Any ideas of how I can help heal these old wounds so he can do that???
my eldest niece was a very pensive child and sometimes i think can be a side effect of high IQ. my husband reports that when he was a child was quite like what you are discribing of your son and when he had his IQ tested (his mom was worried about a speech delay when he was 2) they found out he had a genius level IQ. its tough to have a grown up intellect but a still a childs understanding. he is smart enough to know things going on but not just yet emotionally sophisticated to handle it... heck! sometimes i think that i am not sophisticated enough to handle life
also, we suspect (about 99.9% sure) that my dh has aspergers since we have been doing tons of studying on autism spectrum since our 5 year old son was diagnosed with autism 2 years ago. not saying that your son has that but it might explain a few things. could counseling be arranged for him if it is emotional problems related to all of the stress from the last few years? sounds like funding is a problem for that sort of thing (here too) but if you have state insurance some of that stuff can be covered.
until you can get some anwsers just be silly my son is severely autistic and because of his condition never learned to play. ofcourse he is the opposite of your son he doesnt talk, he is generally unaware of "issues" around him, etc. we have to engage him play or he would (literally) spend all of his time spinning objects. of course your son would need something a little more sophisticated then things we do with isaac but i am sure you can think of some things that will interest him and stimulate his fun side. maybe you could plan some outings that will keep his mind off things... a museum or a "nature walk". have him pretend about them. if he likes to read then maybe getting him some choose your own adventure books would interest him...(maybe not) they are cheesey... and when i was young i thought they were cheesey but i still liked them because then you had control over the out come and it was kind of like following a treasure map to the end of the tale as opposed to plodding through to the end.
you know your son best, what interests him so good luck!
Oh my goodness.... I read your story and it sounds identical to mine. I was later diagnosed with having Generalized Anxiety Disorder at age 23 which is described as excessive worrying that cannot be controlled. Not to sound conceited, but I have also been tested as having a high IQ. If you begin to feel like your son's behavior gets out of control, I might look into having him tested for an anxiety disorder. However, he may just be extra sensitive. Keep your eye on it...
Even if your son doesn't have a clinical disorder, it does sound like he's gone through quite a bit in his short life. That's a lot for a kid to think about. I would seek some well trained behavioral counselor and see what they say. He may just need to talk and get his fears out and learn how to deal with them. Or he may need something more. But it sounds like more than you or he can figure out on your own. I wish you the best of luck. Bless his sensitive little heart.
"Go slowly, breathe and smile" Thich Nhat Hanh
My oldest daughter is the exact same way. When she was about5 years old she would worry herself to death in the car making sure I never crossed the yellow line(or white line)She would read the speed limit signs and watch my odometer and make me aware of each and every time i went 1 mile over. She listens in on all my conversations(not in a rude way) b/c she likes to hang out with the grown ups instead of kids her own age. She would spend the night with a neighbor who had no kids. She's always been very mature. She's 12 now, she was diagnosed about4 years ago with having anxiety. At the age of 6 she was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder. Things had to "flow" a certain way, be organized a certain way, If you made plans with her and then changed the schedule around she could not deal with it. Her pants had to hit her shoes at a certain place, her hair had to be PERFECT, It takes her over 2 hours to get ready for school(a 12 year old now). She was put on Straterra for both the ocd and anxiety, she still has a few "problems" but she is alot better. Hope this may have helped. Good Luck to you.
I agree that it sounds like Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I have GAD, OCD, Asperger's, and panic attacks, and I didn't know that there was anything wrong with me until I was fifteen, and I wasn't properly diagnosed with OCD until I was 17, and with Asperger's until this spring (I'll be 19 in August). My mom and I always thought that I was just a "worry-wort," but any child who is worrying as much as your son needs to get help. I wish that I had known something was wrong years before I did. I wish you and your son the best of luck. God bless, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask!
"Not everything that steps out of line, and thus 'abnormal,' must necessarily be 'inferior.'"