I have an 18 year old daughter who will be 19 in August. We are constantly battling her curfew. She feels that she should be able to come home at all hours of the night. She doesn't do drugs or drink alcohol that I know of. She is somewhat irresponsible with homework and chores.
When I was 18 and living at home, the rule was 12:00 my parents said since you live in our house thats the rules, when you move out you can make your own rules. My dad always said there is nothing to do after 12 midnight that you cant do before then....
Be very clear. Tell her that if she doesnt keep her grades up, and follow curfew, she will have to find somewhere else to stay. Let her know that if the curfew continues to be an issue, you will be adding new locks and they will be locked at midnight.
I do differ with the other poster in that there are times thay your daughter will need to stay out past curfew. If she hasnt given you any reason to not trust her, I don't understand why the need for such a strict curfew on an 18 going on 19 year old.
My biggest concern would be for her grades. I assume she is in college? If not and she is still in high school., I completely agree with you. FInish high school on our terms, and in college you can do as you please. Of course if you are paying her college tuition, and she is failing, stop paying.
My parents were very very stict with curfew UNTIL I turned 18. The day I turned 18 they said, you're an adult now, make your own decisions and curfew was totally gone.. So I can see where your daughter is coming from with wanting to stay out all night. I made mistakes and I learned the hard way sometimes, but I was greatful that my parents gave me the chance. Maybe you should relax a bit with the times. See if she can handle it responsibly. She's going to have to learn soon.
"Go slowly, breathe and smile" Thich Nhat Hanh
I still had a curfew at 21 before I got married. It was "their house, their rules". My mom couldn't sleep until I was safely at home, and felt laying in bed waiting for me until 2:30 AM was late enough. So, I had to be home at 2:30 when I was 21. When I was 18, I believe my curfew was 12:00 or 12:30.
Until I left my parents house at 21 my Dad always said, I have to get up in the morning, which means you have to be home so I can go to sleep. He never went to bed while my sisters and I were out. I thought this was nonsense...until now...when I have my own teens. They also are home by midnight on most night, later if we have made an exception in advance. There are reasons that I may negotiate a curfew but 95% of the time it's midnight....another tidbit from my dad, who now I see was an awesome Dad...there is nothing to do after midnight but get in trouble
I remember my curphew being 12midnight when I was in high school. I graduated at 17. So, when I came home the first time as a freshman, my mom told me to be in by midnight. Mind you, I had been LEAVING at midnight in college most nights. But, I talked to her and she changed the time to 2:30. She also said that if I were going to be later to simply call so she wouldn't be worried.
I agree with a previous post... At 18 years old.. your an adult and should be treated accordingly. She needs to learn things on her own, make her own choices and deal with the outcome of those choices..good or bad. She's almost 19years old so she is probably set in her ways already. At his point she knows right from wrong, so I would suggest backing off. Don't baby her. Be there when she needs you and give advice when needed.
With this said, I do agree with 'your house, your rules'.. but in moderation. If your biggest problem right now is homework.. then it sounds like you've raised a level headed young lady. Let her prove it.