HEllo. Ok, my son is 3 yrs old, and he is the most bad tempered child I've ever seen. I'm not kidding. I'm not just saying this bc he's my son other people have told me as well. Nothing seems to work with him. He won't sit in time out, i've tried it. I ended up locking him in the computer room for 2-3 min. with me on the other side of course and the lights on, etc. but i think it's really cruel and my mom also thinks it's cruel. so i don't wanta do that anymore. so i really don't know what else to do. when he gets bad tempered he cries and screams from the top of his lungs and he won't shut up. i don't know what to do. please help. any advice???
Have you tried spanking him at all? By all means, don't let anyone tell you that spanking is child abuse. Most of the time, children don't understand the value of words or benign actions, which is why if you put them in time-out or say, "Please don't do that, sweetie", they won't listen. It's like when you try to tell a child not to touch a hot stove...you can tell and tell and tell until you're blue in the face not to touch the stove because it's hot and it will hurt...but the child will go and touch it anyway, and then they learn the hard way not to touch the stove.
Seriously, reasoning with children, or the whole "gentle discipline" thing yield little results, because, as said, children value words very little. Sometimes, you need to physically show them that misbehaving is unacceptable, and you may need to do that with a firm hand across their little behinds. And no, locking the child in a room for misbehaving isn't cruel - one can only hope a few minutes of boredom will drive the kid nuts enough to make them behave, but sometimes it doesn't work, and the child will continue to wail, be destructive, etc.
Has your son been diagnosed with anything, like autism or Asperger's? If not, or you do not suspect any mental conditions, I strongly advocate giving him a firm tanning of his hide to encourage better behavior - once he learns to associate his bad behavior with pain, he'll hopefully learn to not do it anymore. Don't be afraid to use a little corporal punishment.
No he doesn't have anything wrong with him and the pediatrician always says he's even advanced. He talks advanced for his age, he's very smart, maybe too smart that's why he misbehaves. I've tried spanking him too but it'll only get him crying louder. And afterwards I feel so guilty and bad for spanking. Although I do agree with you that kids now a days need a lot more spanking and parents just aren't giving it.
Locking him in the room usually gets better behaviour afterwards but only i've put him in the room 2 consecutive times or more. I've thought of taking him to a psychologist just so he can give me methods for disciplining him. He's a normal child in every way but very strong willed and hard to discipline. Thanks for the advice, I feel better about locking him in the room.
If locking him in the room is what get results, then I say that's what you do. It would be cruel if you did it for hours on end, at night, in the dark, on a hot summer's day with no windows open and no food or water. That's cruel. 2-3 minutes alone in a room whith you right on the other side of the door...that's a time out. My son who is 3 is sent to his room for timeout and it works very well. For several months all I've had to do is mention time out and the behavior stops.
If he does something bad, calmly tell him if he does it again he's getting a timeout. When he does it again, tell him what he did and then put him in timeout. Even if that is putting him in the computer room. After timeout is done, say "you got a time out because _______" Then make him say he's sorry and then give him a big hug and drop what has happened. Do the EXACT same thing EVERYTIME. That is the only way he's going to learn. If you start giving in or not being consistant he will walk all over you.
My little guy is also very advanced and has MAJOR attitude! But I have never had to raise a hand to him yet to get him under control. That's just my parenting style. Trust me, there have been days where he got several time outs...be he knows who's in charge and that I will not cave.
"Go slowly, breathe and smile" Thich Nhat Hanh
Kiera- Thanks for the advice. I guess it's ok to lock him in the room. Now I just have to try and convince my mom that it's ok. The thing is that I usually don't listen to her on anything, but this one time she's so convinced that it'll traumatize him and affect him later in life that she made me promise not to lock him in the room as discipline.
My advise to you is to be sure you are not reinforcing the bad behavior. When he is screaming and carrying on you MUST NOT pay it any attention.
Give him a choice, he can stop screaming or he can go to the " as I call it; the crying room and he can cry and scream all he wants." Let him think you are okay with the screaming if he does it in the crying room. The key is to not give the attention to the unwanted behavior. If he chooses to stay out of the crying room, praise him up and down for stopping the crying.
It takes a couple of times, but I swear it works. Ignore the bad and praise the good even if it means praising that he's stopped a bad behavior.
It will blow his mind that you are okay with his screaming if he does it in an assigned place. The fact is he doesn't want to be isolated but if he thinks he is choosing where he is going to be in or out of the crying room he begins to realize he is controlling this and in the end you will get the positive result.
I agree with the suggestion made regarding the child learning that it's their choice to go to the "crying room". Children like learning that they have some control over their environment - even their punishments. I woud definitely, strongly suggest against locking a child in a room. You don't want to turn that room into a place they dread. And I think locking a child in anywhere can cause emotional trauma and open up opportunities for issues down the road. There should be a place of comfort - a place to go when you're being anti-social (like grown-ups need sometimes - a place to just get away from it all). When my daughter (who is now 12) was about 2.5-3, she threw a few amazing tantrums. I remember reading that children who throw tantrums needed help with their tantrums. . . so that they didn't hurt themselves, someone else or something else. Because when they're done with their tantrum, and if they see they've done damage, it freaks them out and they lose self-esteem and begin doubting themselves. So I stayed in the room with her. I just sat on the floor and allowed Sadie to scream - I wanted her to know that her emotions were normal and that her room was a safe place to "let it all out". I was there to keep her safe. During the tantrum I would offer hugs (I would hold out my arms to her and ask her "Do you want some love? Would you like a hug, now?" Sometimes she would scream "No!" But eventually, she would come around, crawl into my lap and just cry while I held her. Then it was over. This didn't happen too often, mind you (like maybe 4 times at the most) but it definitely made a clear statement to her that "Mommy will always be there for you and there's a time and a place for every thing and your thoughts and feelings are valid and I love you no matter what - but you can't act crazy out in public - it's not acceptable".
I think the "crying room" method is a great idea, I think I'm gonna give that a try. But staying in the room with him when he's crying etc, doens't work for him because i've already tried that. I sit there with him and he gets up and runs out of the room so i'm left there while he screams and cries histerically all around and then he comes back for me and starts pulling me to get me out of the room with him. it's a mess. but i think i'll try the crying room idea. thanks.!!!
In our house, for our boy who's almost three, we have him sit on a stair that we call "the naughty step." He hates sitting there. It's just a regular stair on the staircase going from first to second floor, but he has a negative association with it. We also have my six-year old sit there when he's naughty, which is sometimes effective, sometimes not.
The "naughty spot or step" doesn't work for him. What I've tried with him today which seems to be working great is that I haven't raised my voice at him at all. Usually I don't have patience and at the first sign of temper and crying I raise my voice, but not today. I think this might be one of the reasons why he escalates into those horrible tantrums, he probably sees that I scream and get all worked up so he thinks it's normal and it's not. So i'm working on that with him. Thanks for all the advice.
I'm glad to hear things went better today. You are doing the right thing by not raising your voice because that reiforces the bad behavior. By not raising your voice you are not giving the attention to the negative behavior.
It works like a charm.... just remember to give praise for the good behaviors regardless of how insignificant you may think it is. Ie: You did a great job bringing your dish to the sink, eating your breakfast, not crying
Hi my son is now eleven, but I can relate to what you are saying. He used to drive me mad, with difficult behaviour, etc etc, until a doctor suggested he may be dyhydrated! believe me, although you probably thinking, no way, it worked, everytime he got out of control, and impossible to manage, I made him have a drink, within minutes the tears would stop, and the behaviur would change! even now, when he starts getting difficult and irratic behaviour, give him a drink and in minutes he is improved.
In fact in the UK the government is now aware of dyhydration in school children, playing a large part towards behaviour problems, that we received a letter, saying that all children must take a bottle of fluid to school with them everyday!
It is certainly worth trying, I just wish I had been aware of this when he was very young.