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Old 06-27-2006, 11:25 PM   #1
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My son just doesnt seem to care anymore...we need help!!!

we have a 12 yr old boy and he is a good kid but lately he hasnt been himself it seems. He has always been an honour student without trying and one of the most popular "cool" kids in school but this yr has been horrible!!! he goes into jr. high next yr and we threatened him with military school or something in that range if the constant calls dont stop from his school due to him misbehaving! instead we thought we would give him a yr at the new jr. high since the "bad" group of boys he hangs out with arent going there. we also got him into the over acheivers class....should say we did!!! we figured out today he has been on purposely sabotaging his exams and school work so he wont get into the program!!! he is moody, does naughty things when we arent around, is VERY VERY lazy i mean more than a normal 12 yr old!!! he doesnt speak to us when we try to talk to him to see whats bugging him. He seems happy for the most part but just wants to do as little with his life as possible which is a shame. he isnt a criminal or doing terrbile things but we think he has tried smoking, he bragged about smoking pot but we really dont think he has and his notes to friends, which he doesnt hide!!! are so frightening to read(swears, vulgar language ect...)!! i couldnt even go into that as it seemed he was writing to sound cool and he really isnt that kind of child around us!well today was the last straw this may sound worse than it is and im by no means defending his actions or trying to make them out to be less than they are but today he got suspened for bringing a knife to school! let me explain first! this boy who is not a very nice person picks on a lot of kids at the school and today he was beating up on my sons friend kicking him in areas below the belt! when my son told him to stop it he started punching my son to which my son produced a butter knife(yes a butter knife he had left over from his lunch in his backpack) and proceeded to move it against this boys arm! when we asked him what was going on and why he would do that he said he was sick of the kid and wanted to show him he wasnt going to put up with it anymore but didnt intend to stab him or anything like that! he has grown his hair long, thinks he seems cool and just seems to want nothing in life! but to me he is just a little kid still (barely 12) we have tried punishing he could care less we tried extra activities doesnt change a thing, extra chores he just half a$$ed them and does nothing to want to enjoy his life. he is extremely loving towards us and really is a nice kid. 2 yrs ago we told him my dh isnt his bio dad but i dont think thats really causing this but i just dont know! he ADORES my dh! sorry for the long post.

 
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Old 06-28-2006, 12:42 AM   #2
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Re: My son just doesnt seem to care anymore...we need help!!!

I might be wrong on this but I honestly think he is having many many problems and sometimes kids will do these things to try and express their pain and make others take notice. I can say for sure without a doubt that something is greatly bothering him and it must be looked into as quickly as you can. This to me seems like a complete 180 personality change and that isn't good and I have a very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that things might get worse until he gets noticed because pain bottled up never gets better. It could be the bio dad issue but honestly I don't think that is the problem if its true that he gets along quite well with your dh and I also don't think its the bully. If he is gifted in several areas as you pointed out it wouldn't suprise me at all if your son feels very out of place in class. He might notice his classmates having great problems with the work while he just glides right through it with ease and that alone could cause problems. The feeling out of place because I knew much more than nearly all kids in my class gave me great problems.

It so happens that I had an IQ within the top 10% of both adults and children so I felt very out of place in all my school years until high school. I did act out quite a bit and scored lower on all tests on purpose until I got in trouble. Once I had to score better I got upset and made a fool out of my teacher. I pretty much yelled in front of the entire class that he was a stupid (bad word that starts with an F) teacher.

Once they started asking me why I think he is stupid I told them he always gave me a test a baby could do. So they gave me a 9th grade test in all subjects and I aced all of them so they gave me the 12th grade tests and I also aced them and its funny because I just knew everything. Also keep in mind I was only in 6th grade at the time. Also I strongly suggest you don't allow them to put your son into high school early if it comes down to that.

Putting me in high school did more harm than good for me because for one I started purberty very early (8 years old in fact) so even though for the most part I didn't look that out of place compared to other freshman students I was not ready for high school emotionally and the peer pressure and pranks alone (its even worse when your still placed in gifted classes) made me crazy. Most nerds in the gifted class pretty much have tracker beams on them so its much harder as an 11 year old than as a 14-15 year old kid as most were in my classes. I was lucky because I looked much older than I really was so that took some of the edge off but if I didn't start purberty so early they would have just eaten me alive.

Sorry if I went on and on but I felt these could be valid issues concerning your son and I also felt it was important to at least make these issues known upfront right away.

 
Old 06-28-2006, 01:16 AM   #3
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Re: My son just doesnt seem to care anymore...we need help!!!

thanks a lot for ur response. it rings very true with the school things. he has always seemed to be very bored and when made to do projects lately he seems to ignore doing them! mainly i think is because of the school. he doesnt like the school andwhile we dont think its a bad school persay they have punished him for ridiculous things like piggy backing in the school yard! playing football at lunch in what they feel is too rough! but its not its kids playing! he has been sent home cause of the piggy backing its gotten out of hand that schools are so darn concerned with being sued they cant let kids be themselves. he detests the teachers and the letters i came across he wrote alot about that but a little too explicity for me and im a very down to earth mom who has had her share of doing bad things growing up so i do know he really hates being there. he is starting a different school next yr so we hope that helps. i dont think they will be putting him up a grade or so because they dont tend to do that often in canada from what ive seen. when he was 4 we found him in his room when everyone was sleeping sneaking his older brothers math books and he would have a flash light and be doing the work in there! he was very slow as a baby and didnt talk till he was 3 as he didnt have much to say but he is very interested in learning how things work he just seems to be lazy and almost if i dare say too mature for the things they seem to be making him do at his school now.but having said that he is immature in ways that he cant be bothered and just wont do things cause he knows he doesnt "have to" we are just very concerned for him and where his futures going because out of all the kids he has always seemed to be the one we saw as having the easiest and brightest future.we just dont know what to do anymore!!!

 
Old 06-28-2006, 10:35 AM   #4
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Re: My son just doesnt seem to care anymore...we need help!!!

I do indeed think the school is the issue or at least the main issue. I would just keep an eye on him for now and see how he does at the new school. Also once my parents found out just how smart I was they also felt everything would be easy for me but lets just say that for most gifted children things are harder (mostly for the parents) compared to raising a normal average child its just the needs are different and much more demanding with a gifted child. I also would take my older brothers school books in my room with a flashlight and study them during the night and the first time I feel asleep without putting them back I got in trouble as my parents thought I was messing with them. This was one of the big finds my parents had that told them I was gifted because my mom found the paper I wrote my solutions on and first she thought I just took the answers down but once she found out the book had no answers in them nor did it have the process for solving each specific problem she knew something was up. My mother showed the paper to my brother and asked him if this was his paper and my brother told me mother he couldn't even solve it that quickly and my brother also told my mother I somehow simplified the process for solving it by half compared to what the book said.

Those were fun and interesting times because nobody had a clue what the heck was going on. Also this was when I was about 10 years old and the book was a 10th or 11th grade Trig book. My brother is also quite gifted but of course not as gifted as I am but he isn't stupid not by a long shot. The nice thing about all of this is that my brother was willing to ask his much younger little brother for help and that my friend is very very hard for an older brother todo considering the fact we always were close to kicking the crap out of each other most of the time.

To sum this all up I think you will be just fine and it seems you have a good handle on this and my advice is just keep doing what your doing and I know you will make the right choices as they come up.

 
Old 06-28-2006, 03:40 PM   #5
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hayley0610 HB User
Re: My son just doesnt seem to care anymore...we need help!!!

thanks again, i just have soem questions to ask you. How old are u now and what decisions did u end up making life? what age did u seem to get a handle on how serious life was? and did u do bad things growing up behaviour wise and if u did why?what punishment seemed to work for u if any? we have 4 kids and none of them are like this. we have never pushed him to excel beyond what he is capable and havent put him in any "smarter" classes or things in his life we have just let him be. Also when we found out he was doing his brothers work we were very happy as we thought he may have actually had some learning disablities. i just need some ideas on what may make him see the light.

 
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