My husband has called CPS on me concerning my daughter from another relationship. He has bipolar, hasn't taken his medication, and I think he is thinking that if she gets taken from me, then he can get custody of my unborn baby. Does anyone have any advice? There is absolutely no reason that she should be taken from me. I used to live in this small town, and I moved to the neighboring town, but people are still pretending they see me with her. I feel like I live in a soap opera!
I'm not sure of your whole situation, but a few years back my sister's ex tried the same thing, only it was because they had just separated and she told him he wanted a divorce. He lied and made up things to get them to come. She calmly explained the situation, they talked to her, her son and then realized the problem was her ex and she hasn't had a problem since. As long as your daughter is healthy and not being abuse, they'll be able to see for themselves and you shouldn't have a problem. Good luck!
same thing happened with a friend of mine when she split with her boyfriend and father of her three kids... she did the same thing and had the child protection service come to interview her and in the end they decided that if anyone needed to stay away from the kids it was her boyfriend. so as long as there is no reason for them to be there you should have no reason not to let them in. if its all good then i say let them come talk to you and in the end you wont have to worry about some of that custody stuff. he is building his own case against himself by filing false accusations. if there is a custody issue with the new baby and you are all cleared and they find he was lying you will have one more nail for his coffin!
This just happened to my best friend. Her and her husband have been divorced for about a year or so, and he called CPS on her because he is getting remarried and can't have any more children due to his having cancer several years back. He wants to take their son away because he know he'll never have a child of his own with his new wife.
So he filed a false claim with CPS, and they interviewed the son, who is about 9, and asked him on 4 separate occaisions in 4 different ways whether the alleged incident occurred. Each time, the son was confused about why they would ask this question, but he reiterated what really happened. And later, his mom found out that he was being coached by the father to say something bad about the mom, but luckily, the kid was smart enough not to make up lies.
So CPS believed the kid, as they rightfully should, and they closed the case because they realized the allegations were false. And I believe my friend will be going after him now in court, because it's a fact that filing a false claim with CPS is a felony and if your husband is discovered having done this, he could very well go to jail. But you'd have to get a lawyer to prosecute him.
at least she can do something about it now. My daughter is almost three. I am now trying to figure out how I can keep him from getting the baby that I am pregnant with. He is getting other people to call in now, or so he says, and the latest thing is the police getting a welfare call that also said that there was a prescription of valium in the house that wasn't mine. The person even said where they could find it, even though it never existed to my knowledge. The police showed up, and they never found it of course. So this is getting really old.
After a time, the authorities will hopefully catch on and he will be the one in hot water. I talked to some people from CPS and they've told me they have a list of problematic callers who just stir the pot and that they are not to be taken seriously. Unfortunately, in many cases, the law never goes after them, they just put them on idiot patrol and call it good.
You need to lodge some complaints about this each and every time it happens. Ask CPS and the police who you speak to about false complaints, continued harassment, etc.
If ex is bi-polar, does he have a counselor or doctor that can be called and told he is off his meds and causing these problems? I know the doc can't give you information on him, but maybe they can find a way to help you put a stop to it or at least clue in the authorities that he is not stable.
Good luck, you're gonna need it, I don't think he's done with you yet.
I also doubt he can do anything about the child you are carrying. Most states won't give any custody rights to a newborn and keep it away from the mom. Check your state laws and you should consult a lawyer. If you can't afford one, a lot of women's shelters provide a free counsel night at least once a month, so check them out.
If you don't experience anything bad, you'll never appreciate the good when it comes around!!!
Here is the problem. I live in a small community, where there is only one med doctor for the mental health place. this doctor, actually, I don't even think she is a doctor, divides her time between many different things. sometimes she works at the hospital, sometimes at the clinic, sometimes in another town, etc. My husband's meds are NOT WORKING! he is on Seroquil, darn stuff, and had to go to the er last week because of the severe side affects from it. the med person was working at the time at the hospital, and she asked him if he could wait a few weeks before switching meds. He said yes, but he can't. none of it is working, he is still having chest pains. He went into the er because he had a temp of 103, racing heart, elevated blood pressure, and other things that are serious side effects of seroquil. I want to have him stop taking them, because I am worried about his heart. He also has a family history of heart disease. the next available appt. with this med person is November 17, which is too far away. I am not sure what to do. His mood is severely swinging, he gets angry if I look at him. then he is really hyper, then depressed, and angry. and he goes through this all day, several, several times a day. He is supposed to go into respite to change meds, but can't without this med person's okay. But she is unavailable, and he said to me that he feels like he is "going crazy". He tells me that there are a million thoughts racing around and he can't tell what any of them are. I am really worried. He says he thinks he needs to go to the hospital, but not tonight, but he doesn't want to because last time he went to get help, he was handcuffed and sent to the hospital where they wouldn't let him out. I don't think that it is good for him in the hospital, but respite care would work fine for him. He has done it before, and it made him relax and comfortable and safe while he had to change his meds. I am getting tired of these stupid "doctors" sitting on their buts and doing anything! its like they want him to be sick. I am getting really upset about this and I don't know what to do.
Originally Posted by jessejomomma
I have depression. I have a daughter, and am pregnant. and My husband and I separated. I was doing okay, but now I need some help. I just want to lay on the floor and close my eyes and pretend I am not here. Telling me that my daughter needs me doesn't help because I know that already, and I am trying. I need something else. What does everyone else do when they are very sad. very very sad.
Originally Posted by jessejomomma
People usually seem to believe lies rather than the truth. I suppose the truth is just too boring. My husband is out of his mind, but I can't seem to get the mental health people to intervene. How can I get people to see?
Originally Posted by jessejomomma
I have called the mental health people, and they told me that they can't do anything until he threatens to hurt himself or someone else. Believe me, I have tried, because he needs to get some help somewhere. I don't see how people can just get away with this type of stuff. It is completely ridiculous.
Hey hun, i've been reading some of your posts, i've noticed you quoted yourself, as having depression. Are you taking any antidepressants?? Just because your husband hasn't been taking his medication for a bipolar illness, doesn't mean hes not able to distinguish; recognize right from wrong. It usually takes two too tango, there isn't just one side too every story, so maybe he has a good reason to call CPS and or maybe he doesn't but thats up too him to deside.. Trying to get somebody committed to a Mental Health hospital, because you don't want them too have custody of a child, isn't going to help the situation out either. Good luck.
Ohh, by the way, Bipolar illness is another mood disorder. So, maybe you need to have yourself checked for Bipolar disorder, yourself..Just a thought..(depression)
Last edited by mothergoddess; 08-06-2006 at 12:42 AM.
No, I can gaurentee that I don't have bipolar. I have already been checked. No, the reason that I want my husband committed isn't because he is calling CPS. He gets angry, and dangerous. That is the reason. Right now, for some reason, he is angry with me. I am worried that when he realizes there is nothing coming out of this calling CPS, then he will try something else. It is true that I have depression, but my child comes first to me.
Wow... you certainly sound as if you are having a bad time.
If your husbands allegations are false and he has nothing to back them up, and if his friends are also calling in false reports with nothing to back those up, and if CPS cannot find anything wrong and you are as good a mother as you say...
I hope you are still checking this thread. It would do my heart good to know that what my children and I went through did indeed have a greater purpose.
When I finally got up the courage to leave him (he tried to shoot me, I had several broken bones by him, bruises). I had a protective order served on him, the Sheriff's Department had me protected, my sister and her 'friend' showed up at my apartment and called me a b**** for doing that to him. They slept with him that night after they sent the police to my house for a welfare check. The next day they went to the D.A. to try and get my children removed. The D.A. told them that they were the problem, not me. At my first hearing the Asst. D.A. showed up and told the judge that I had 2 attnys. I went through years of going back and forth with CPS, when my ex died in a car accident I thought that it was over, but no. My family took over where he left off. I finally told CPS that I and my children sat through a 4hr interview and the only thing to come out of it was that my ex had molested his own daughters.(after the divorce during a visit out of state) To make matters worse he was the Chief of Police when he was alive. I finally told CPS that I knew that it was illegal for what was going on and if they did not prosecute the next time that it happened that I would sue them! I never had a problem after that.
I kept a notebook, it ended up being about 2in thick, it had how my children acted before a visit and how they acted after. Everytime he called and what was said. I got letters from teachers and people that knew the girls. They provided information on how their behaviors changed after being with him. A judge at a child custody hearing revoked his parental rights and told me that the notebook was very helpful in his decision.
Children need a mother and father, if at all possible, but sometimes that is just not in their best intrest. My ex also said that he was diagnosed with Bipolar after we seperated, although he made up many, many stories and I never saw any proof, it would however explain a lot.
And finally, of course you are depressed, who wouldn't be. You are fighting for your childs life. And sometimes there is just one correct side to a story. Abuse of any kind is not deserved. Keep your head up and let me know how its going. I'll keep you in my prayers. Let me know if you need anything. It will be okay and one day you will look back on all of this and you can help someone else out.
No more calls lately. Except for he called my parents house where I am staying now to see if I was okay. The reason for this is because my best friend killed herself three weeks ago. I was staying with her and her three year old son. Well, he turned three a week after she died. Anyway, the same people who were treating me like garbage now turn around and want to know if I am okay because they "care". How weird is that? Anyway, I am moving forward, and everytime someone asks me if I am okay, I tell them that I don't have a choice in the matter. My children are the most important people in my life, and I am trying to keep my daughter in as normal a routine as possible. She still hasn't asked for my friend, although she asks for her son because he is her good buddy. I don't know what I am supposed to tell her when she asks.
Life is very fragile, I am learning. And it is difficult. Somedays the only thing that can make me smile is my daughter, and that is good. I love her.
I am so sorry to hear of your tragedy. Of course you aren't O.K., you are grieving, pregnant and having to deal with an ex that thinks it is O.K. to put you through hell. That being said you will be O.K., given time, and you will be all the stronger for having gone through all of this.
Abuser always go through cycles: the honeymoon phase where they treat you like a queen and all is right in the world; then they will start with the verbal abuse; then they will start the controlling phase (who you can talk to, where you can go, etc.) The last two phases are sometimes switched; then it goes to the violent stage. Sometimes the abuser does not actually reach the violent stage each time, that depends on the victims ability to set boundaries and even then it sometimes will not help. But the abuser always goes back to the honeymoon stage where they apologize and tell you that it will never happen again, but without a lot of therapy (and sometimes not even then), the circle will always start again.
As far as your daughter goes, I would just tell her that your friend got very sick and now her son had to go live with ...... As I'm sure you know, she is too young to understand what death means, but kids are resilliant and they bounce right back. That's not to downplay the fact that she too is grieving for her lost buddy.
My heart goes out to you and your daughter and your soon to be precious little one. Hang in there. IT WILL GET BETTER.