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Old 08-03-2006, 01:12 PM   #1
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wmjsease HB User
need advice

I have a 14 year adhd son, that's off meds. We tried all of them, and just decided to keep him off of them due to none of them making a difference in him. He is very inattentive, dristractable, immature, and completely unmotivated. For instance, last school year he failed not one, but all of his subjects in school, including band. Not because it was hard, but because he didn't try. He will tell you that he is lazy and doesn't care. He has no respect for people, and talks back. He's not a behavior issue child, like getting in trouble at school, and stuff, it's just that he doesn't listen to us at home. We have tried rewarding him, taking things away, punishment after punishment, praise after praise, and he still will not try to do any better. The problem is though, that once we come down really hard on him and yell at him, he will eventually move and half way get done what he should have done all along. Sorry, such a long post. I'm just so discouraged with him, and sometimes I really don't like him. I love him though. He thinks everything is funny no matter what it is. He's been tested for all kinds of learning disabilities, mental illness, etc. Nothing can be found to explain any of this. I have a 14 year old step daughter, 14 year old nephew, 15 year old niece, and all of them act more mature and stable than him. Any advice on how to motivate him to do better. I'm afraid he's taking the wrong path, by not doing the best that he can do and it's really worrying me.
ALso, I forgot to mention, that we struggle making him brush his teeth, wear clean clothes, wear deoderant, take a bath, wash his hand, etc. He acts like he could care less whether he's clean or not. He'll argue when we tell him to do any of this. Sometimes I get so angry that I treat him like a toddler and brush his teeth for him. He really gets teed when I do this. Then he will do better for a few days, then it's the same again. I just don't understand. When will it end? And he really hasn't started puberty yet. That's worrying me also, because most kids his age already have. He doesn't have much of anything yet, like no hair under his arms, peach fuzz, deep voice, etc. Maybe it will get better when he does go through it. I hope so anyway.

Last edited by wmjsease; 08-03-2006 at 01:57 PM.

 
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Old 08-03-2006, 05:29 PM   #2
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nameisabby30 HB User
Re: need advice

I know a guy exactly like your son except he's 24.He's a "family friend"and we tried to help him out during difficult times but I can't mother him.He needs "lifeskills."Even though your son is 14 and has adhd,they still act immature.I know,my son is an 8yr old in {I swear}a 4 year old mind.Drives me nuts! Perhaps ask a doctor if they have classes for teens on lifeskills and/or coping with adhd class{everyday things they should do regardless if they are lazy}and maybe find a group for yourself to take on learning to parent a child/teen who has adhd.Just some help?

 
Old 08-04-2006, 09:02 AM   #3
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wmjsease HB User
Re: need advice

Thanks for the reply. I will ask the doctor about it. Mine also has a younger mind. Really really young. I have a six year old daughter that acts more mature than the 14 year old, most of the time. And they fight all of the time, because he picks at her and aggrivates her. I can't take any classes right now due to illness, and not being able to drive. Been like this for over 8 months now. That really bothers all of my kids, since we can't go places and do stuff like we used to. AAAGGGHHHH.

 
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